On Being Brave Enough To Be Truly Yourself

Can you be truly happy and fulfilled if you're always trying to pretend to be someone or something you're not?

And what's the worst that could happen if you decided to let the world see the real you?

Two conversations this week with different people have led me to want to talk about this subject, which is very dear to my heart as it's the underlying basis that Colourful Coaching is built around - that the world would be a better place if we all felt at peace with our true selves and could concentrate on using and developing our natural talents and gifts, rather than wasting energy trying to be something we're not.

I well remember the sheer misery of being a teenager and feeling like I was an alien - wherever I was and whoever I was with, I felt awkward and uncomfortable, constantly afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.

I felt as if I was the wrong size and shape, wore the wrong clothes, liked the wrong music, enjoyed the wrong passtimes and was just generally wrong. Part of the reason I enjoy Harry Enfield's creation Kevin the Teenager is that I remember alarmingly well how it felt to believe that the entire world was against me and no-one understood me - Kevin's eternal cry of "It's so unfair" is a very useful shorthand for all of those miserable feelings.

As we get older, it tends to be the case that we become more comfortable in our own skin and less concerned with what the rest of the world thinks of us. But that doesn't make it any easier to let the world see our true colours. All sorts of things can lead us to believe that we need to behave in a certain way, and we end up living a life that makes us feel dissatisfied or unhappy in some way.

• "I really want to do something creative but that's a childish idea"
• "I hate my job but it's unrealistic to expect to enjoy what you do for a living"
• "My parents will be really angry if I don't do what they want me to do, even though I hate the idea"
• "I have to earn at least £80k to be a success but I really want to work with vulnerable people and that doesn't pay"
• "Living my life this way makes me depressed, but it's what my wife/husband expects of me so I have no choice"
• "What my job requires of me feels totally unethical and goes against my personal values but I'm trapped here"
  

These are all variations of things clients have said to me, or that I have said to myself over the years, and they are all examples of the tension that arises when we try to be something we're not.

Living your life to fulfil someone elses's expectations is a sure route to unhappiness because you're always going to be at war within yourself.

Living your life to match up to assumptions you've made about how life should be lived, rather than living the kind of life that will fulfil you, will inevitably kill your spirit.

There are so many people out there who appear to have it all but are actually living dull, grey lives - people who appear to have the perfect job/house/marriage/bank account/figure/kids but plod through their days feeling somehow let down or frustrated by life.

Are you one of those people?

Ask yourself these 3 questions:

• How do I feel at the prospect of another 20 years of living as I do today?

• If I knew I was brave enough, what would I change about my life?

• What does the Real Me want to do with my life?

You know already whether or not you're living a life that serves your values and allows your real self to thrive. If you are, make sure you take the time to appreciate the fact, and to appreciate that you are fortunate enough to have people around you to support you, as I do.

If you're not, maybe it's time to start thinking about taking your first steps towards getting back in touch with the real you, so that you can reveal your true colours to the world in all their glory and start to achieve your true potential.

Think what an amazing world we would be living in if everyone did the same...