I'm Going To Rule The World - But Why Would Anyone Want Me To?

Well here's a thing. I give every appearance of being a confident individual with a grand plan, and yet something inside me is incredibly shy about getting out there and asking for work. I've had a number of coaching conversations about this, and so far nothing's solved the conundrum for me. So this blog is going to be an attempt at self coaching - I'm going to give myself a taste of my own medicine!

Here's the situation:

I know that I have marketable skills and a good USP (if you're not already familiar with it, have a look at my website.)

I have enough confidence in my ideas that I've just given up a 25-year career in the Civil Service, along with the associated non-contributory, index-linked, final salary pension, sick leave, annual cost of living pay-rises etc etc.

I've joined various networks, and I get good feedback and interest from the people I'm meeting; I've also contacted a number of people I've come across over the years to update them on my plans.

But I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with myself as I feel a kind of paralysis coming over me when it comes to doing anything more overt in terms of marketing. I want to understand what's behind the paralysis, and what I can do to overcome it.

With other coaches I've explored the idea that it might in some way be linked with something from my upbringing ("Don't show off") or the fact that I've spent an entire career being actively discouraged from talking about what I do. Clearly these are learned behaviours that aren't helpful in this situation, but I'm not satisfied that they are the root causes of this problem.

I've looked at whether it's because anything with the "marketing" label is unfamiliar territory, and I know I do have a tendency to panic and freeze if I don't know what to do - but then, I've done marketing for other things and it's never been a problem.

I've spent a number of sessions brainstorming ideas for things I could do to publicise myself, and I've acted upon some of them, but it doesn't feel like enough and it doesn't feel wholehearted.

So I'm left with some ideas and a feeling that I'm somehow letting myself down. Before I gave up the day job I made excuses that it was because I didn't have enough time, but I know that's not what this is really about. So what's going on here? Do I really have a problem, or am I just expecting too much of myself? I want to understand what it is I really want to achieve, whether marketing is the right thing to do to achieve it, and then decide what action I'm going to take.

And this is where the self-coaching experiment begins:

What are you frightened of?
Good question! (hasn't been asked before, and it came to me while I was typing the above). What am I frightened of? The first thing that comes to mind is rejection. What if I put myself out there, and find out that nobody's interested? Or that I'm not as skilled as I think I am? Will I discover that I've given up a secure job with good money for a pipe-dream that's never going to come true? I think this boils down to "what if nobody likes me?" - if I don't ask them I'll never find out if they don't, so it's safer not to ask.

What reactions have you had so far?
Very positive. Initially from friends/family and colleagues, but lately I've been networking with people that haven't met me before and the reception has all been positive. I've made a number of contacts that have been very complementary and interested in meeting up to discuss more - so why have I been shy of doing so? And the answer that comes back is "because they probably didn't mean it, they were just being polite". Hmmm...there's that rejection thing again.

How likely is it that they were just being polite?
Not very, actually, because during those networking sessions I've also come across people who weren't interested, and although we had perfectly pleasant conversations, it was clear that there was no interest in pursuing things. So if I actually think about it, I know that there are a bunch of potential clients out there who've met me, liked what they saw and heard and want to hear more from me - and I'm really keen to learn more about them as well.

So why have you not done anything about it?
Hmmm....not sure. Are they the right sort of potential clients? Some of them are, undoubtedly - and at the moment any kind of potential client is a good one! Maybe it's the length of the list, because I've got quite a long list now - I guess I don't have to do them all at once, so maybe if I promise myself to do 2 or 3 a day that will feel less intimidating.

What specifically is it that feels intimidating here?
I've always had a bit of a reluctance to ring people up out of the blue - even people I know, so there's some kind of shyness there. And although I know what my USP is, sometimes I get tongue-tied explaining it to people. So maybe what I need to do first is to get completely clear in my head who I am, what I'm about and what kind of work I'm looking for. That should make it easier to decide who to contact about what rather than doing a one size fits all approach. And saying that, I'm thinking that I've already done my market segmentation, so I know what I want to do and who I want to do it for, and I'm thinking that maybe part of my problem is that I keep having more ideas about things I could do, and they're stopping me from focusing. Yes, that sounds very likely, knowing me - I have lots of ideas and I like new things, so I get caught up in the excitement of the possible, rather than concentrating on the things that I've already decided to do. Aha! So - I could start a list of ideas, to keep and stroke and refer back to when I need them, but I should also focus back onto my target markets and think specifically about the best ways in which to approach them. Right - that feels both sensible and useful - so instead of scribbling my endless ideas on random bits of paper, I shall record them in a Special Book of Ideas so that I know where to find them when I want them - and then I can also sort out which ones will be of use for my target audiences.

That sounds like the start of a plan - you're going to keep an ideas book so that you can record your ideas safely, but also so that you can filter out the ones that might be interesting projects for the future but won't necessarily be of benefit right now.
Yes - I already have a beautiful empty notebook just waiting to be used - and I like the symbolism of having a beautiful book of ideas.

OK, so let's look at your target audiences and what you need to do to reach out to them.
I like the phrase "reach out to them" - it feels much more personal and less cynical than marketing. Ah! That was interesting - I don't think I'd realised there was a connection in my mind between marketing and cynicism before, but now that I think about it I'm aware of a feeling that there's some level of dishonesty associated with marketing - that it's about spin and gloss and only telling one side of the story. And I really don't want to do that - one of my core values is about authenticity and I would never want to make false promises or have a client turn round and say they'd been sold a pup.

So it sounds like you're making an assumption that marketing is inherently dishonest and you don't wish to be dishonest in your dealings with your clients - could that be what's holding you back?
It's certainly a new thought, and the more I think about the word "marketing" the more I'm conjuring up images of slick, greedy ad-men and snake-oil peddlers. And that's very clearly an unhelpful and limiting assumption for me to have at the moment because I'll never get any work if I don't let people know about me.

I think I'm hearing that it's actually the word "marketing" that gives you a problem, because of the things it makes you think of - how could you reframe what you need to do so that you don't have to think about "marketing" with all of the associated baggage?
Well I like the idea of "reaching out" to people, because it's a very visual image and it also conveys something to do with being helpful - it's altogether a much more positive image - I'd rather be reaching out to help someone than selling them something they don't need. Aha! Another unhelpful assumption about marketing! Strangely enough, the word "advertising" doesn't have the same negative overtones as "marketing" either - I feel perfectly comfortable with the idea of advertising my services. So, I want to concentrate on finding the best ways to advertise my services so that I can reach out to my target audiences. That feels MUCH better and far more wholesome, I'm comfortable with that idea.

OK, so we now have 2 elements to your plan - firstly there's the Beautiful Book of Ideas, and secondly you're going to concentrate on finding the best ways to advertise your services so that you can reach out to your target audiences.
Yes - and I feel much better already for having uncovered what the real blockage was. So now I want to really focus in on those target audiences, prioritise the order in which I want to address them, and then come up with 2 or 3 things I can do to reach out to each group.

OK - so tell me about your target audiences
I've identified 3 - I want to work with individuals, as a personal coach; I want to work in schools/universities with high-performing young people and perhaps their teachers; and I want to work within corporations providing Executive and/or Senior management Coaching and leadership Development. And while I've been typing that, I've realised that what I haven't done is to prioritise or to make any attempt to focus my attentions on any particular group - and that's clearly what I need to do.

So what thoughts are you having about that now?
Well, I think that corporate work is going to take the longest to sort out, but it will be the most lucrative in the end. I've made some contacts already and have a couple of leads to follow up, which I shall do in the next couple of weeks, but if I concentrate solely on that it will be a while before I see any money coming in and I do need to start earning before too long. I think that, at least initially, personal work is where I should be focusing and I think this is exactly the time of year to do that - now is when people start to make New Year's Resolutions and I've already had some ideas around what I could offer. I'm quite strapped for cash, but I don't need to spend that much money to advertise what I've got in mind initially, and if the low cost advertising takes off then I will be able to expand my advertising into places where it will cost me to advertise.

OK, so you've got a couple of corporate leads to follow up but you're expecting that to take some time, so initially you want to focus your efforts on personal coaching, and you have some ideas around how to do that at not much expense. What about your 3rd group?
The schools, yes. I've been in to one school and I've sent speculative emails out to several others and to the LEA but had no response - and that makes me unwilling to follow up because I assume it means they're not interested.

Ah - what else could it mean?
Well any number of things - the emails could have gone to the wrong address, they could have been sifted out by spam filters, they could have been read and then forgotten about because people are very busy - I have to say that emails don't come with any distinctive stamp or personality about them, and that's a big part of my USP - my email is just going to get lost in a pile with everyone else's, I need to contact people in a way that's distinctive and stands out. And now I'm slapping my forehead because I've had some gloriously distinctive stationery printed, which isn't going to get lost in anyone's intray! So, if I want to renew my efforts with the schools side of things I need to think carefully about my offer and then send some beautiful, distinctive hard-copy letters and brochures out - and make it really easy for people to reply to me -s o SAEs will need to be enclosed. I already have brochures that I can enclose so half the work is already done.

OK that sounds like another plan - tell me where you are now with your thinking.
Right - so now I'm concentrating on reaching out to my target audiences and letting them know what I can do for them and( importantly to me) why I want to work specifically with them. I already have some actions in hand with regard to finding corporate clients, but I'm looking on that as a longer term, more strategic project. My tactical approach will be to focus on advertising to potential personal coaching clients, concentrating specifically on coaching around New Year's Resolutions. In tandem with that, I will put together a memorable mail-shot to local schools, the LEA and other groups associated with young people.
I feel much better and more positive now that I've dealt with the idea of "marketing" and its associations, and realised that it's not appropriate for what I want to be doing at the moment.

That all sounds positive - when are you going to do all of these things?
Well the corporate stuff is already planned in, so that will happen in the next couple of weeks. I shall work on my advertising materials today and tomorrow with the aim of having them ready to distribute early next week. Once that's done, I will work on my mailshot and aim to send that out by the end of next week.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how likely are you to do that?
I'd say barring anything unforeseen, around an 8 or 9.

What would need to happen to make it a 10?
I'd need to know I was letting someone down (apart from myself!) if I didn't do it. So, dear reader, if you've read this far, it would really help me if you could add a comment letting me know what you think, if you have any hints and tips that might help me - and that you'll be checking up on me to find out how I've got on!

On How We Can Bring About World Peace By Being Happy

I've found that, in the couple of weeks since I resigned, my mood has got sunnier and sunnier. It's reminded me of how important it is to take stock and reconnect with the little things in life that make us happy. And I reckon, if we all think happy thoughts, we can bring about World Peace...

I've been enjoying my own enjoyment of life, and it's got me thinking of how often we rush through life with our heads down, intent on getting through this task so that we can get onto the next one. The heads down thing may be metaphorical, but, particularly at this time of year, it becomes a physical thing as well - as the dark takes over and the weather buffets us, you see people with their shoulders hunched and their heads down against the dark and the cold.

Your posture and your mood are very closely linked - if you nail on a smile, stand tall and look the world right in the eye (as Jim Reeves once said) you will start to feel better; if you hunch over, don't make eye contact and act depressed, you can very quickly make yourself feel that way - and I wonder whether the fact that many of us feel down in the winter has as much to do with the way we hold ourselves as it does to a lack of sunlight.

During one of my bouts of depression, someone once suggested to me that, at the end of each day, I should try recalling three things that had made me feel happy during that day. They didn't have to be big things and, in the midst of a bout of serious depression, "happy" might have been too strong a word to use, but recalling three good things each day was suggested as a useful tool to help me to start noticing the positives in my life. If I went a stage further and wrote them down, I'd also have something to look back on during the really bad times, to remind me that there were still some lights in the darkness.

At first it was almost impossible, but after a while I got into the rhythm and understood what they'd meant by "happy". Some examples from that time (written during a holiday in Finland) include:

• the utter peacefulness of being in a rowing boat alone in the middle of a lake
• a picture my son drew for me
• a phone call from my daughter
• birthday presents chosen with love and care
• a deer appearing through the trees and standing very still to observe us, before disappearing again
• watching the Naked Gun and enjoying my son's enjoyment of it
• coffee and cake with my husband in a cafe in Helsinki

None of these are big things, but they were points of light in a difficult time, and the memory of them still makes me feel warm and happy some years afterwards.

As often happens, when the immediate danger passes it can be all too easy to let your guard down, so once I was well again I stopped deliberately taking notice of what was making me happy, and if I did notice I didn't bother to write them down.

But this week a funny thing has happened. I'm feeling SO happy I wanted to record it in some way, and to share it with people because I don't think we do enough of that. Maybe it's something to do with being British - we tend to bond over shared complaints about the weather, or poor service in shops, or how late the bus is, but we don't tend to talk very much about the things we're enjoying - and one of the things I've noticed is that, when I try, people look at me as if I'm a bit odd...maybe I am a bit odd....but wouldn't the world be a nicer place if we were more willing to invite people to share in our everyday happinesses as well as our everyday disappointments? Or even instead of?

Which is why I've started Tweeting about my happies and why I'd like people to join in. I'm going to bust a gut to record my 3 #happies every day, and to encourage others to do the same - if this takes off, and #happies makes it into the top 10 memes, we'd be in a situation where thousands of people were all thinking happy thoughts every day, sharing them, and enjoying other people's happy thoughts too - and if that's not a recipe for World Peace I don't know what is!

So join in, tell all your friends, and see how long it is before all the world is sharing #happies...