I had a fantastic yoga session last week. Adam, my lovely instructor, knows I like words so he always tells me both the Sanskrit and the Hindi(?) names for the poses, and the Latin names for various muscles. And he helpfully translates the Sanskrit/Hindi for me as well, my Sanskrit being ever so slightly rusty these days....
Anyway, last Friday I learnt about the Lion that Defeats the Elephant of Death which, as I'm sure you all know, is all to do with strengthening your core abdominal muscles.
After we'd had a giggle at the name, and Adam had suggested what a splendid title it would make for a blog post, we fell to wondering how it had come about its name. Adam reckoned that it was because, when you do it properly, you pull all of your internal organs back up into place, lift your diaphragm and stand up straight - that's what strengthens your core and must make you healthier because your insides aren't all being squished against each other.
I think that's part of it, but I think it goes deeper than that. As part of the work I do helping people to become more confident I use some of what I've learned from Adam. First off, we talk about the effect your posture can have on your mood, and then I ask them to show me the posture that they associate with shy people. We get a lot of demonstrations of arm folding, leg twisting and staring at the carpet, which generally leads on to a discussion about what messages that posture sends out to other people - and it's "keep away because I'm not worthy".
So then I channel Adam and show them how to stand straight and strong as I have been taught. This involves Defeating the Elephant of Death and I've seen it have a very profound effect on people.
When we move from a posture that tells the world that we think we have no place in it (a closed body, looking down, arms folded - the classic "I'm shy, don't notice me") to one of strength and confidence (standing straight, shoulders back, head up, making eye contact) we ourselves feel differently. I will never forget the (very shy) lady who said, in wonderment, "It's so much easier being like this! I feel like I belong in this space and I have a right to be here". All because I had encouraged her to think about her posture.
I wonder whether the Elephant of Death is a metaphor for the fears that keep us small and looking down? After all, what's keeping us down is usually the fear that we are not worthy, or that we somehow don't belong, or that other people won't want to hear from us, or any other of the millions of reasons that we hide our true colours from the world. Once you realise that the only thing stopping you is your fear, it becomes easier to handle it. And standing up straight, grounding yourself and finding the core of strength inside you makes physiological changes that result in altered brain chemistry, so that you automatically start to FEEL braver and stronger.
And that's how you conquer the Elephant of Death - by looking him squarely in the eye and challenging him to a duel of wits. And I guarantee, if you do that, you'll win every time.
An update: adam has now read my blog, and has sent me the following:
"We probably need to amend something though, as clearly in the intensity of our semi-nirvana I've mis-stated or you've mis-heard or some mutual combination.
Uddiyana Bandha is 'The elephant that conquers death'; elephants are sacred / lucky divine in Indian thought (think Ganesha) and wouldn't be a representative of death.
So more accurately, mastering this exercise is getting Nellie on your side. There is another layer of symbolism here because of cause elephants enjoy relative longevity compared to humans.
Good practice of uddiyana lifts us up; makes us strong and foursquare under life's weight - an indefatigable pachyderm, who won't be pushed down and compressed by the burdens of daily life."
I apologise unreservedly for misrepresenting him - I have no doubt whatsoever that I misheard what he said!
Showing posts with label personal development. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal development. Show all posts
Wednesday, 10 February 2010
Monday, 1 February 2010
On Valuing Yourself
Let's start with some rhetorical questions:
1) If you're a parent, what kind of life do you believe your children deserve? How do you whow them how much you value them?
Most loving parents desperately want their children to be happy, healthy and fulfilled, and do their utmost to make that happen. When they are little, we try to ensure they eat a good, healthy diet and get plenty of exercise. We cuddle them and read to them and play with them; we kiss it better when it hurts and we keep them safe while also giving them room to learn about risks and danger in a healthy way. As they get older, we gradually step back until they have enough space to stretch their wings and fly safely from the nest.
And as parents we know that Philip Larkin was right - despite all of our best intentions we still manage to get some stuff wrong and there will always be things that our children will hold against us. But if we've done our very best, our children will be secure in the knowledge that we value them above all else.
2) If you have a partner, what kind of life do you believe they deserve, and how do you show them how much you value them?
I believe that loving partners want only the best for each other. It's easy for that basic want to get lost in amongst the dishwashing, laundry, last-minute business trips and school holidays that make up family life, but a loving couple will still find the time somehow to look out for each other and do whatever they can to show each other they care. In my marriage, one of the ways this manifests itself is in my lovely husband bringing me tea and breakfast in bed every morning without fail (unless he's too ill to get up, which is very rare). It's only a little thing, but every morning I wake up to a reminder of how loved and valued I am - and that's not a little thing at all.
Now here comes the killer quesion: What kind of life do you think you deserve? And how do you show yourself how much you value yourself?
Do you make sure that you're happy, healthy and fulfilled? Or do your needs come at the bottom of the list, only to be tended to when you've made sure everyone else is OK? I'm not advocating becoming selfish and putting yourself first at all times, but if you always put yourself last you'll never have the energy or the time left to do yourself justice. Don't you deserve to treat yourself to the same care and compassion you give to others?
What kind of messages do you send out about yourself? If you show the world that you don't value yourself then the world will learn that you are of no value and treat you accordingly. So if your family see you always outting yourself last and not respecting yoursel, then they will learn to do the same. If you make it clear that you think your feelings and opinions are worthless, then that's what your children will learn about you - and what will they learn about themselves as a consequence?
What little things could you do, every day, to show yourself that you love and value yourself? Maybe a walk in the fresh air, with the sun on your face would do it for you. Maybe some quiet time to yourself doing exactly what you want. Here's an idea:
Take a piece of paper and write on the top "If I were to live my life as if I really valued myself, I would..."
Now make a list of all the things you would do if that were true. Make it a list of positive things, so rather than saying "I would stop doing x", say "I would start doing y".
Once you've finished your list, pick 3 things on it that are easy to achieve and commit to incorporating them into your life - starting today. Next week pick 3 more and add them in. The week after that, pick 3 more and add them in, and so on.
In a month's time, you'll be living as if you really valued yourself - and you'll be astonished by how easy it was and what a difference it's made to you and those around you. I'd love to know how you get on...
1) If you're a parent, what kind of life do you believe your children deserve? How do you whow them how much you value them?
Most loving parents desperately want their children to be happy, healthy and fulfilled, and do their utmost to make that happen. When they are little, we try to ensure they eat a good, healthy diet and get plenty of exercise. We cuddle them and read to them and play with them; we kiss it better when it hurts and we keep them safe while also giving them room to learn about risks and danger in a healthy way. As they get older, we gradually step back until they have enough space to stretch their wings and fly safely from the nest.
And as parents we know that Philip Larkin was right - despite all of our best intentions we still manage to get some stuff wrong and there will always be things that our children will hold against us. But if we've done our very best, our children will be secure in the knowledge that we value them above all else.
2) If you have a partner, what kind of life do you believe they deserve, and how do you show them how much you value them?
I believe that loving partners want only the best for each other. It's easy for that basic want to get lost in amongst the dishwashing, laundry, last-minute business trips and school holidays that make up family life, but a loving couple will still find the time somehow to look out for each other and do whatever they can to show each other they care. In my marriage, one of the ways this manifests itself is in my lovely husband bringing me tea and breakfast in bed every morning without fail (unless he's too ill to get up, which is very rare). It's only a little thing, but every morning I wake up to a reminder of how loved and valued I am - and that's not a little thing at all.
Now here comes the killer quesion: What kind of life do you think you deserve? And how do you show yourself how much you value yourself?
Do you make sure that you're happy, healthy and fulfilled? Or do your needs come at the bottom of the list, only to be tended to when you've made sure everyone else is OK? I'm not advocating becoming selfish and putting yourself first at all times, but if you always put yourself last you'll never have the energy or the time left to do yourself justice. Don't you deserve to treat yourself to the same care and compassion you give to others?
What kind of messages do you send out about yourself? If you show the world that you don't value yourself then the world will learn that you are of no value and treat you accordingly. So if your family see you always outting yourself last and not respecting yoursel, then they will learn to do the same. If you make it clear that you think your feelings and opinions are worthless, then that's what your children will learn about you - and what will they learn about themselves as a consequence?
What little things could you do, every day, to show yourself that you love and value yourself? Maybe a walk in the fresh air, with the sun on your face would do it for you. Maybe some quiet time to yourself doing exactly what you want. Here's an idea:
Take a piece of paper and write on the top "If I were to live my life as if I really valued myself, I would..."
Now make a list of all the things you would do if that were true. Make it a list of positive things, so rather than saying "I would stop doing x", say "I would start doing y".
Once you've finished your list, pick 3 things on it that are easy to achieve and commit to incorporating them into your life - starting today. Next week pick 3 more and add them in. The week after that, pick 3 more and add them in, and so on.
In a month's time, you'll be living as if you really valued yourself - and you'll be astonished by how easy it was and what a difference it's made to you and those around you. I'd love to know how you get on...
Tuesday, 26 January 2010
On Visualising Success
Blimey what a week it's been!
Last time I had time to blog I was recovering from an attack of the wobbles, and since then it's been nothing but positive (despite spending what felt like most of last weekend taking various members of the family to A&E!)
On Saturday I held the pilot of Day 1 of my True Colours Foundation Workshop, ably assisted by a group of 6 lovely people who all volunteered to be my guinea pigs for the occasion. They were incredibly generous with their feedback and evaluation and I'm reassured that, with a few very minor tweaks, I have a really strong product to offer - one of my guinea pigs referred to the workshop as a "detox for the soul" and another said it was the best personal development workshop they've ever been on - so they've even written some of my marketing for me!!
Then yesterday I spent the afternoon with an amazing young lady called Catherine Robinson. She's only 21 and already she's lived in loads of different countries and is now running her own business, Objektum Venues. Catherine's passion and values drive her business - she sets exemplary standards for herself and her clients and you know from the minute you start to talk to her that she won't let you down.
I hired Catherine to find the perfect location for my True Colours workshops. The brief I gave her was that I want my workshops to feel like a spa treatment for your insides (but without the colonic irrigation aspect!) - so if you come along to a True Colours workshop, every aspect of it should feel like a treat but one that's doing you some life-long good. To me that means discreet luxury, gorgeous surroundings, peaceful beautiful surroundings, exquisite food and, most importantly, home-made cupcakes. You should know the minute you walk through the door that you're going to be looked after and cared for, and that if the course takes you on an emotional jouney, you're in a safe place.
The venue Catherine found me is exquisite, and I knew the minute I walked through the door that it was the one for me. If you want to be one of the first to know where it is, when the workshops will run and how you can be one of the first to experience them, you'll need to subscribe to my website so that you get a copy of my newsletter - it's due out on Feb 1st...
We finished our afternoon with tea and cakes in a lovely little tea shop in Winchcombe, and Catherine so inspired me that I'm developing some of her ideas for inclusion in my work. If ever you're looking for an event manager or venue finder, do give her a go, she's fabulous and a really nice person to boot.
Last time I had time to blog I was recovering from an attack of the wobbles, and since then it's been nothing but positive (despite spending what felt like most of last weekend taking various members of the family to A&E!)
On Saturday I held the pilot of Day 1 of my True Colours Foundation Workshop, ably assisted by a group of 6 lovely people who all volunteered to be my guinea pigs for the occasion. They were incredibly generous with their feedback and evaluation and I'm reassured that, with a few very minor tweaks, I have a really strong product to offer - one of my guinea pigs referred to the workshop as a "detox for the soul" and another said it was the best personal development workshop they've ever been on - so they've even written some of my marketing for me!!
Then yesterday I spent the afternoon with an amazing young lady called Catherine Robinson. She's only 21 and already she's lived in loads of different countries and is now running her own business, Objektum Venues. Catherine's passion and values drive her business - she sets exemplary standards for herself and her clients and you know from the minute you start to talk to her that she won't let you down.
I hired Catherine to find the perfect location for my True Colours workshops. The brief I gave her was that I want my workshops to feel like a spa treatment for your insides (but without the colonic irrigation aspect!) - so if you come along to a True Colours workshop, every aspect of it should feel like a treat but one that's doing you some life-long good. To me that means discreet luxury, gorgeous surroundings, peaceful beautiful surroundings, exquisite food and, most importantly, home-made cupcakes. You should know the minute you walk through the door that you're going to be looked after and cared for, and that if the course takes you on an emotional jouney, you're in a safe place.
The venue Catherine found me is exquisite, and I knew the minute I walked through the door that it was the one for me. If you want to be one of the first to know where it is, when the workshops will run and how you can be one of the first to experience them, you'll need to subscribe to my website so that you get a copy of my newsletter - it's due out on Feb 1st...
We finished our afternoon with tea and cakes in a lovely little tea shop in Winchcombe, and Catherine so inspired me that I'm developing some of her ideas for inclusion in my work. If ever you're looking for an event manager or venue finder, do give her a go, she's fabulous and a really nice person to boot.
Wednesday, 20 January 2010
On Calming The Inner Voice
I had a bit of a wobble over the weekend.
I started finding it really difficult to switch off at nght, and found myself waking up at 4 in the morning with my head spinning with all the "stuff" I had to do, which led to getting up at silly o'clock to get work done and then fretting when I couldn't think clearly. By Monday morning I was in a bit of a state, and by Monday teatime all I wanted to do was sit in a corner and cry.
Instead of doing that, I took myself off to bed for some quiet time to think, drink tea and calm down.
I listened very hard to what was going on in my head and realised that my inner voice was chuntering away along these lines:
"You've got to think about marketing and you need a PR strategy and there's that workshop you're running on Saturday and you need to be ready for that and have you contacted the people that are coming yet and you're nearly out of business cards and you need to learn how to hold a teleseminar and it's about time you recorded another podcast and when are you going to find somewhere for your workshops and if you held a seminar would anyone come and what kind of cupcakes are you going to make and...and...and..."
It's no wonder I couldn't sleep! Once I started to pay attention to what my inner voice was saying, I immediately realised that I was stressing myself out because I had fallen into one of my usual self-inflicted bear-traps - I had got so swept up with the excitement of new things, that I'd stopped planning and prioritising, and now I couldn't see the wood for the trees.
So, instead of just letting the inner voice keep going and driving me mad, I decided to pay it some attention, and I wrote down all the things it was telling me I needed to do. This immediately helped me to feel calmer. It's like paying attention to a small child - if you ignore it it just gets more and more persistent and insistent, tugging at your sleeve, getting louder, climbing all over you until you get completely exasperated with it. If you listen to what it's saying (provided you're not in the middle of something critical) and acknowledge what it's trying to tell you, it's happy and will wander off to do something else, leaving you to concentrate on what you were doing.
So I acknowledged my inner voice, recognising that, in this instance, it was trying to help me. Once I'd written down all the things it was reminding me about, I was able to prioritise them and recognise that actually only a very few need my attention this week, and the rest could wait. Another huge weight off my shoulders, and a lessening of my stress.
And then, of course, I acknowledged that what I need is to draw up a plan and stick to it, rather than getting carried away with things and wanting to do it all now. And how those of you that used to work with me will be laughing now, famous as I was for chafing against the need to be tied down by plans!
Well, you live and learn. I don't want to allow myself to get panicky and anxious in my new life - I know it's inevitable that there will be some stress, but I'm not going to let it take over as I have before. I've done pretty well so far, and I think this weekend was the first time I've felt anything other than exhilarated since I gave my notice in back in October. Maybe I was due for a reminder that you can't expect to run on exhilaration without getting exhausted, and that I need to take some time to relax every once in a while?
I
I started finding it really difficult to switch off at nght, and found myself waking up at 4 in the morning with my head spinning with all the "stuff" I had to do, which led to getting up at silly o'clock to get work done and then fretting when I couldn't think clearly. By Monday morning I was in a bit of a state, and by Monday teatime all I wanted to do was sit in a corner and cry.
Instead of doing that, I took myself off to bed for some quiet time to think, drink tea and calm down.
I listened very hard to what was going on in my head and realised that my inner voice was chuntering away along these lines:
"You've got to think about marketing and you need a PR strategy and there's that workshop you're running on Saturday and you need to be ready for that and have you contacted the people that are coming yet and you're nearly out of business cards and you need to learn how to hold a teleseminar and it's about time you recorded another podcast and when are you going to find somewhere for your workshops and if you held a seminar would anyone come and what kind of cupcakes are you going to make and...and...and..."
It's no wonder I couldn't sleep! Once I started to pay attention to what my inner voice was saying, I immediately realised that I was stressing myself out because I had fallen into one of my usual self-inflicted bear-traps - I had got so swept up with the excitement of new things, that I'd stopped planning and prioritising, and now I couldn't see the wood for the trees.
So, instead of just letting the inner voice keep going and driving me mad, I decided to pay it some attention, and I wrote down all the things it was telling me I needed to do. This immediately helped me to feel calmer. It's like paying attention to a small child - if you ignore it it just gets more and more persistent and insistent, tugging at your sleeve, getting louder, climbing all over you until you get completely exasperated with it. If you listen to what it's saying (provided you're not in the middle of something critical) and acknowledge what it's trying to tell you, it's happy and will wander off to do something else, leaving you to concentrate on what you were doing.
So I acknowledged my inner voice, recognising that, in this instance, it was trying to help me. Once I'd written down all the things it was reminding me about, I was able to prioritise them and recognise that actually only a very few need my attention this week, and the rest could wait. Another huge weight off my shoulders, and a lessening of my stress.
And then, of course, I acknowledged that what I need is to draw up a plan and stick to it, rather than getting carried away with things and wanting to do it all now. And how those of you that used to work with me will be laughing now, famous as I was for chafing against the need to be tied down by plans!
Well, you live and learn. I don't want to allow myself to get panicky and anxious in my new life - I know it's inevitable that there will be some stress, but I'm not going to let it take over as I have before. I've done pretty well so far, and I think this weekend was the first time I've felt anything other than exhilarated since I gave my notice in back in October. Maybe I was due for a reminder that you can't expect to run on exhilaration without getting exhausted, and that I need to take some time to relax every once in a while?
I
Wednesday, 28 October 2009
On Being Brave Enough To Be Truly Yourself
Can you be truly happy and fulfilled if you're always trying to pretend to be someone or something you're not?
And what's the worst that could happen if you decided to let the world see the real you?
Two conversations this week with different people have led me to want to talk about this subject, which is very dear to my heart as it's the underlying basis that Colourful Coaching is built around - that the world would be a better place if we all felt at peace with our true selves and could concentrate on using and developing our natural talents and gifts, rather than wasting energy trying to be something we're not.
I well remember the sheer misery of being a teenager and feeling like I was an alien - wherever I was and whoever I was with, I felt awkward and uncomfortable, constantly afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.
I felt as if I was the wrong size and shape, wore the wrong clothes, liked the wrong music, enjoyed the wrong passtimes and was just generally wrong. Part of the reason I enjoy Harry Enfield's creation Kevin the Teenager is that I remember alarmingly well how it felt to believe that the entire world was against me and no-one understood me - Kevin's eternal cry of "It's so unfair" is a very useful shorthand for all of those miserable feelings.
As we get older, it tends to be the case that we become more comfortable in our own skin and less concerned with what the rest of the world thinks of us. But that doesn't make it any easier to let the world see our true colours. All sorts of things can lead us to believe that we need to behave in a certain way, and we end up living a life that makes us feel dissatisfied or unhappy in some way.
Living your life to fulfil someone elses's expectations is a sure route to unhappiness because you're always going to be at war within yourself.
Living your life to match up to assumptions you've made about how life should be lived, rather than living the kind of life that will fulfil you, will inevitably kill your spirit.
There are so many people out there who appear to have it all but are actually living dull, grey lives - people who appear to have the perfect job/house/marriage/bank account/figure/kids but plod through their days feeling somehow let down or frustrated by life.
Are you one of those people?
Ask yourself these 3 questions:
If you're not, maybe it's time to start thinking about taking your first steps towards getting back in touch with the real you, so that you can reveal your true colours to the world in all their glory and start to achieve your true potential.
Think what an amazing world we would be living in if everyone did the same...
And what's the worst that could happen if you decided to let the world see the real you?
Two conversations this week with different people have led me to want to talk about this subject, which is very dear to my heart as it's the underlying basis that Colourful Coaching is built around - that the world would be a better place if we all felt at peace with our true selves and could concentrate on using and developing our natural talents and gifts, rather than wasting energy trying to be something we're not.
I well remember the sheer misery of being a teenager and feeling like I was an alien - wherever I was and whoever I was with, I felt awkward and uncomfortable, constantly afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.
I felt as if I was the wrong size and shape, wore the wrong clothes, liked the wrong music, enjoyed the wrong passtimes and was just generally wrong. Part of the reason I enjoy Harry Enfield's creation Kevin the Teenager is that I remember alarmingly well how it felt to believe that the entire world was against me and no-one understood me - Kevin's eternal cry of "It's so unfair" is a very useful shorthand for all of those miserable feelings.
As we get older, it tends to be the case that we become more comfortable in our own skin and less concerned with what the rest of the world thinks of us. But that doesn't make it any easier to let the world see our true colours. All sorts of things can lead us to believe that we need to behave in a certain way, and we end up living a life that makes us feel dissatisfied or unhappy in some way.
- "I really want to do something creative but that's a childish idea"
- "I hate my job but it's unrealistic to expect to enjoy what you do for a living"
- "My parents will be really angry if I don't do what they want me to do, even though I hate the idea"
- "I have to earn at least £80k to be a success but I really want to work with vulnerable people and that doesn't pay"
- "Living my life this way makes me depressed, but it's what my wife/husband expects of me so I have no choice"
- "What my job requires of me feels totally unethical and goes against my personal values but I'm trapped here"
Living your life to fulfil someone elses's expectations is a sure route to unhappiness because you're always going to be at war within yourself.
Living your life to match up to assumptions you've made about how life should be lived, rather than living the kind of life that will fulfil you, will inevitably kill your spirit.
There are so many people out there who appear to have it all but are actually living dull, grey lives - people who appear to have the perfect job/house/marriage/bank account/figure/kids but plod through their days feeling somehow let down or frustrated by life.
Are you one of those people?
Ask yourself these 3 questions:
- How do I feel at the prospect of another 20 years of living as I do today?
- If I knew I was brave enough, what would I change about my life?
- What does the Real Me want to do with my life?
If you're not, maybe it's time to start thinking about taking your first steps towards getting back in touch with the real you, so that you can reveal your true colours to the world in all their glory and start to achieve your true potential.
Think what an amazing world we would be living in if everyone did the same...
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