On What I've Been Up To Of Late...

I've been lying low recently, keeping away from Twitter, Facebook and this Blog, and people have started to ask me what 's going on. Well, one of the reasons is that I've spent far too long hunched over my netbook and consequently given myself an enormous amount of back and shoulder trouble. I made a conscious decision about a month ago to keep away from it until I had a proper office set up with a seating position that would protect my posture and allow me to uncurl myself (my lovely husband said I was looking increasingly like a vulture hunched over my prey!).

I now have a glorious new office with a proper desk, PC and ergonomically designed chair so things aren't anything like as uncomfortable as they were. I am though still suffering from the long term effects of how I used to work so I'm rationing the time I spend at my computer and trying various therapies to rid myself of the pain.

At the same time, I've been working hard developing my new brand and refocussing what I'm doing. My excitement is mounting as the time comes to go live with everything and I'm going to share with you now some of what I've been up to and why.

First up, why the rebrand? To cut a long story short, it's because someone else has trademarked "Colourful Coaching" and it's easier and cheaper if I move away from that brand rather than trying to have a fight over it. So, although my company will still be called Colourful Coaching Ltd, from now on I shall be trading and branded as "Colour In Your Thinking" - because that's what I do, I help you to colour in your thinking and change the way you view yourself and your world from black and white into full, glorious colour. Here's a sneak preview of my new logo in action...

Colour In Your Thinking has 2 strands, Colour in Your Life and Colour In Your Business and I'm currently developing a range of products for my niche markets within those 2 strands. Identifying my niche markets has been something I've been working on for some time now, having realised that all those people telling me I needed to do so were right - no matter how much I want to go out there and help the whole wide world, I can't. So, I'm sticking to what I know and I've defined my niche markets as:

• working mums (been there, done that)
• students (currently supporting my kids and their friends who are going through uni)
• small business owners (being there, doing that!)

Supporting people in each of these niches is something I feel passionately about, because I have direct experience of what it's like and I have skills and knowledge that I can use to help people currently going through it.

So, what's on offer? Well, one of the things I'm most excited about is my online coaching packages which will be going live very soon. They're currently being pilot tested by some lovely volunteers, and the feedback I'm getting is great.

So what is online coaching? Basically it's a software package (I'm using one called JigsawBox, which was developed by an excellent lady called Nicola Bird) that allows me to deliver any number of different coaching programmes. Each programme consists of a number of different modules which are made up of some theory and background on the subject of that module, followed by a series of coaching questions for you to answer. When you sign up for a programme you get access to a new module every month and all you have to do is work through the questions as directed by me as your coach. I'll be able to monitor your progress and once a week I'll respond on-line to the work you've done that week, following up your input with questions, suggestions for action and information I think you might find helpful. My responses will be unique to you and will be based on what you've told me, so you'll be getting completely personal support.

Each programme contains a number of different packages, based on your needs and your budget. Whichever package you choose, you can be assured that you’ll get my personal attention and a truly personal coaching experience.

I'm delighted to be able to offer online coaching as part of the mix, and here's why:

• it's much more cost-effective for my clients - my basic packages will cost you less than one hour of my face-to-face time, and we'll be able to cover much more ground
• you get far more time to reflect and think in depth about the answer to a question. Several of my guinea pigs have already commented on how much they like this aspect as it makes them consider things so much more
• once you start answering the questions in your chosen package, it instantly becomes a personal, one-to-one coaching session, just as it would be if we were face to face.
  
• both you as the client and I as the coach can choose the time that's most appropriate for us to do this work. We don't have to be in the same place, time or even time zone to work together and we can fit it in around our other commitments
• our coaching conversations remain available for you to go over as often as you want. It's easy for you to go back and remind yourself what you said you would do, so you can't "forget" about your actions, and you can track your own progress and see how far you've come in your "colouring in"
• the software is really easy to use - if you're reading this blog you can cope with online coaching!

If this has whetted your appetite and you want to see how online coaching works, then sign up here to join in with my teleseminar on June 24th when I'll be showing you exactly what online coaching is all about, how easy it is to use and introducing you to my new packages.

I'll be back in a few days to tell you more about what I'm up to...

On Meeting Your Moomins

On Saturday I held a follow-up session with some of the delegates from my first True Colours workshop. We came together to explore what was different for them in their lives since we last met, and to look at some more techniques that could help them to continue to build their confidence and live more fulfilling lives.

I was delighted to hear of their progress, and equally delighted about how enthusiastic they were to do more work - to the extent that one of them suggested a whole new exercise, and invited me to join in! The results were astounding, and I've decided to share them here.

We had been talking about Gremlins. Gremlins are the unhelpful aspects of your inner voice, and they can lead you into repeating patterns of self-defeating behaviour but giving you messages that make you get in your own way. Gremlins start out with the intention of being helpful but they end up getting it wrong, either by cropping up at unhelpful times, or by telling us the wrong things - as an example, one of my Gremlins for years was "Little Miss Itstoo Scary" - she was trying to keep me safe and prepared for risks, but what she actually did was to hold me back from ever trying anything that had even the slightest element of risk attached. Once I's identified her and realised how she was trying to help, I've been able to tell her she can have a rest now, as I'm capable of assessing risks and making my own decisions - and if you've read previous posts here, you'll know that overcoming fears has been a big thing for me of late!

On Saturday, after we'd all talked about our own Gremlins, one of my participants asked if there was a positive version of Gremlins, in other words, the inner voices that are helpful and lead you into positive behaviours. We all quickly decided that if there aren't, there should be - and we decided to discover our own, me included.

We agreed to call our positive Gremlins Moomins. (The Moomins are the central characters in a series of books and a comic strip by Swedish-Finn illustrator and writer Tove Jansson. We felt that they were emblematic of what positive Gremlins were all about). As we took a little time to discover our Moomins, I watched the smiles break out on people's faces, turning into broad grins as we settled on the ones we liked best. Then it was time to share.

My Moomins, I decided, are as follows:

Happy Moomin - Happy Moomin is on a bouncy castle. She's exuberant, childlike, excitable and enthusiastic, and she loves to encourage playfulness in others. Every time she bounces, she sees the world from a new and different perspective and that leads her to all sorts of new ideas and new discoveries.

Loving Moomin - Loving Moomin is carrying a huge platter of food that she's just prepared specifically so that she can nurture those around her. She's warm, affectionate and generous and takes great pleasure in the successes and triumphs of those around her.

Intrepid Moomin - Intrepid Moomin wears a pith helmet and carries a machete so that he can slash through the jungly undergrowth, making new paths for himself and the ones that come behind him. He's bold, brave and questing.

As we all shared our Moomins, so we all came to share in each others' delight at celebrating the positive aspects of our natures, and we finsihed Saturday's session on a real high. I've been thinking about my Moomins, and my delegates' Moomins, all weekend, and now I'd really like to know about other Moomins. So, if you'd like to join in and share you Moomins with me and the rest of the world, please add your comment below!

On Defeating the Elephant of Death

I had a fantastic yoga session last week. Adam, my lovely instructor, knows I like words so he always tells me both the Sanskrit and the Hindi(?) names for the poses, and the Latin names for various muscles. And he helpfully translates the Sanskrit/Hindi for me as well, my Sanskrit being ever so slightly rusty these days....

Anyway, last Friday I learnt about the Lion that Defeats the Elephant of Death which, as I'm sure you all know, is all to do with strengthening your core abdominal muscles.

After we'd had a giggle at the name, and Adam had suggested what a splendid title it would make for a blog post, we fell to wondering how it had come about its name. Adam reckoned that it was because, when you do it properly, you pull all of your internal organs back up into place, lift your diaphragm and stand up straight - that's what strengthens your core and must make you healthier because your insides aren't all being squished against each other.

I think that's part of it, but I think it goes deeper than that. As part of the work I do helping people to become more confident I use some of what I've learned from Adam. First off, we talk about the effect your posture can have on your mood, and then I ask them to show me the posture that they associate with shy people. We get a lot of demonstrations of arm folding, leg twisting and staring at the carpet, which generally leads on to a discussion about what messages that posture sends out to other people - and it's "keep away because I'm not worthy".

So then I channel Adam and show them how to stand straight and strong as I have been taught. This involves Defeating the Elephant of Death and I've seen it have a very profound effect on people.

When we move from a posture that tells the world that we think we have no place in it (a closed body, looking down, arms folded - the classic "I'm shy, don't notice me") to one of strength and confidence (standing straight, shoulders back, head up, making eye contact) we ourselves feel differently. I will never forget the (very shy) lady who said, in wonderment, "It's so much easier being like this! I feel like I belong in this space and I have a right to be here". All because I had encouraged her to think about her posture.

I wonder whether the Elephant of Death is a metaphor for the fears that keep us small and looking down? After all, what's keeping us down is usually the fear that we are not worthy, or that we somehow don't belong, or that other people won't want to hear from us, or any other of the millions of reasons that we hide our true colours from the world. Once you realise that the only thing stopping you is your fear, it becomes easier to handle it. And standing up straight, grounding yourself and finding the core of strength inside you makes physiological changes that result in altered brain chemistry, so that you automatically start to FEEL braver and stronger.

And that's how you conquer the Elephant of Death - by looking him squarely in the eye and challenging him to a duel of wits. And I guarantee, if you do that, you'll win every time.

An update: adam has now read my blog, and has sent me the following:

"We probably need to amend something though, as clearly in the intensity of our semi-nirvana I've mis-stated or you've mis-heard or some mutual combination.

Uddiyana Bandha is 'The elephant that conquers death'; elephants are sacred / lucky divine in Indian thought (think Ganesha) and wouldn't be a representative of death.

So more accurately, mastering this exercise is getting Nellie on your side. There is another layer of symbolism here because of cause elephants enjoy relative longevity compared to humans.

Good practice of uddiyana lifts us up; makes us strong and foursquare under life's weight - an indefatigable pachyderm, who won't be pushed down and compressed by the burdens of daily life."

I apologise unreservedly for misrepresenting him - I have no doubt whatsoever that I misheard what he said!

On Being Brave Enough To Be Truly Yourself

Can you be truly happy and fulfilled if you're always trying to pretend to be someone or something you're not?

And what's the worst that could happen if you decided to let the world see the real you?

Two conversations this week with different people have led me to want to talk about this subject, which is very dear to my heart as it's the underlying basis that Colourful Coaching is built around - that the world would be a better place if we all felt at peace with our true selves and could concentrate on using and developing our natural talents and gifts, rather than wasting energy trying to be something we're not.

I well remember the sheer misery of being a teenager and feeling like I was an alien - wherever I was and whoever I was with, I felt awkward and uncomfortable, constantly afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.

I felt as if I was the wrong size and shape, wore the wrong clothes, liked the wrong music, enjoyed the wrong passtimes and was just generally wrong. Part of the reason I enjoy Harry Enfield's creation Kevin the Teenager is that I remember alarmingly well how it felt to believe that the entire world was against me and no-one understood me - Kevin's eternal cry of "It's so unfair" is a very useful shorthand for all of those miserable feelings.

As we get older, it tends to be the case that we become more comfortable in our own skin and less concerned with what the rest of the world thinks of us. But that doesn't make it any easier to let the world see our true colours. All sorts of things can lead us to believe that we need to behave in a certain way, and we end up living a life that makes us feel dissatisfied or unhappy in some way.

• "I really want to do something creative but that's a childish idea"
• "I hate my job but it's unrealistic to expect to enjoy what you do for a living"
• "My parents will be really angry if I don't do what they want me to do, even though I hate the idea"
• "I have to earn at least £80k to be a success but I really want to work with vulnerable people and that doesn't pay"
• "Living my life this way makes me depressed, but it's what my wife/husband expects of me so I have no choice"
• "What my job requires of me feels totally unethical and goes against my personal values but I'm trapped here"
  

These are all variations of things clients have said to me, or that I have said to myself over the years, and they are all examples of the tension that arises when we try to be something we're not.

Living your life to fulfil someone elses's expectations is a sure route to unhappiness because you're always going to be at war within yourself.

Living your life to match up to assumptions you've made about how life should be lived, rather than living the kind of life that will fulfil you, will inevitably kill your spirit.

There are so many people out there who appear to have it all but are actually living dull, grey lives - people who appear to have the perfect job/house/marriage/bank account/figure/kids but plod through their days feeling somehow let down or frustrated by life.

Are you one of those people?

Ask yourself these 3 questions:

• How do I feel at the prospect of another 20 years of living as I do today?

• If I knew I was brave enough, what would I change about my life?

• What does the Real Me want to do with my life?

You know already whether or not you're living a life that serves your values and allows your real self to thrive. If you are, make sure you take the time to appreciate the fact, and to appreciate that you are fortunate enough to have people around you to support you, as I do.

If you're not, maybe it's time to start thinking about taking your first steps towards getting back in touch with the real you, so that you can reveal your true colours to the world in all their glory and start to achieve your true potential.

Think what an amazing world we would be living in if everyone did the same...