Monday, 7 June 2010
Wednesday, 2 June 2010
On What I've Been Up To Of Late...
I've been lying low recently, keeping away from Twitter, Facebook and this Blog, and people have started to ask me what 's going on. Well, one of the reasons is that I've spent far too long hunched over my netbook and consequently given myself an enormous amount of back and shoulder trouble. I made a conscious decision about a month ago to keep away from it until I had a proper office set up with a seating position that would protect my posture and allow me to uncurl myself (my lovely husband said I was looking increasingly like a vulture hunched over my prey!).
I now have a glorious new office with a proper desk, PC and ergonomically designed chair so things aren't anything like as uncomfortable as they were. I am though still suffering from the long term effects of how I used to work so I'm rationing the time I spend at my computer and trying various therapies to rid myself of the pain.
At the same time, I've been working hard developing my new brand and refocussing what I'm doing. My excitement is mounting as the time comes to go live with everything and I'm going to share with you now some of what I've been up to and why.
First up, why the rebrand? To cut a long story short, it's because someone else has trademarked "Colourful Coaching" and it's easier and cheaper if I move away from that brand rather than trying to have a fight over it. So, although my company will still be called Colourful Coaching Ltd, from now on I shall be trading and branded as "Colour In Your Thinking" - because that's what I do, I help you to colour in your thinking and change the way you view yourself and your world from black and white into full, glorious colour. Here's a sneak preview of my new logo in action...
Colour In Your Thinking has 2 strands, Colour in Your Life and Colour In Your Business and I'm currently developing a range of products for my niche markets within those 2 strands. Identifying my niche markets has been something I've been working on for some time now, having realised that all those people telling me I needed to do so were right - no matter how much I want to go out there and help the whole wide world, I can't. So, I'm sticking to what I know and I've defined my niche markets as:
So, what's on offer? Well, one of the things I'm most excited about is my online coaching packages which will be going live very soon. They're currently being pilot tested by some lovely volunteers, and the feedback I'm getting is great.
So what is online coaching? Basically it's a software package (I'm using one called JigsawBox, which was developed by an excellent lady called Nicola Bird) that allows me to deliver any number of different coaching programmes. Each programme consists of a number of different modules which are made up of some theory and background on the subject of that module, followed by a series of coaching questions for you to answer. When you sign up for a programme you get access to a new module every month and all you have to do is work through the questions as directed by me as your coach. I'll be able to monitor your progress and once a week I'll respond on-line to the work you've done that week, following up your input with questions, suggestions for action and information I think you might find helpful. My responses will be unique to you and will be based on what you've told me, so you'll be getting completely personal support.
I'll be back in a few days to tell you more about what I'm up to...
I now have a glorious new office with a proper desk, PC and ergonomically designed chair so things aren't anything like as uncomfortable as they were. I am though still suffering from the long term effects of how I used to work so I'm rationing the time I spend at my computer and trying various therapies to rid myself of the pain.
At the same time, I've been working hard developing my new brand and refocussing what I'm doing. My excitement is mounting as the time comes to go live with everything and I'm going to share with you now some of what I've been up to and why.
First up, why the rebrand? To cut a long story short, it's because someone else has trademarked "Colourful Coaching" and it's easier and cheaper if I move away from that brand rather than trying to have a fight over it. So, although my company will still be called Colourful Coaching Ltd, from now on I shall be trading and branded as "Colour In Your Thinking" - because that's what I do, I help you to colour in your thinking and change the way you view yourself and your world from black and white into full, glorious colour. Here's a sneak preview of my new logo in action...
Colour In Your Thinking has 2 strands, Colour in Your Life and Colour In Your Business and I'm currently developing a range of products for my niche markets within those 2 strands. Identifying my niche markets has been something I've been working on for some time now, having realised that all those people telling me I needed to do so were right - no matter how much I want to go out there and help the whole wide world, I can't. So, I'm sticking to what I know and I've defined my niche markets as:
- working mums (been there, done that)
- students (currently supporting my kids and their friends who are going through uni)
- small business owners (being there, doing that!)
So, what's on offer? Well, one of the things I'm most excited about is my online coaching packages which will be going live very soon. They're currently being pilot tested by some lovely volunteers, and the feedback I'm getting is great.
So what is online coaching? Basically it's a software package (I'm using one called JigsawBox, which was developed by an excellent lady called Nicola Bird) that allows me to deliver any number of different coaching programmes. Each programme consists of a number of different modules which are made up of some theory and background on the subject of that module, followed by a series of coaching questions for you to answer. When you sign up for a programme you get access to a new module every month and all you have to do is work through the questions as directed by me as your coach. I'll be able to monitor your progress and once a week I'll respond on-line to the work you've done that week, following up your input with questions, suggestions for action and information I think you might find helpful. My responses will be unique to you and will be based on what you've told me, so you'll be getting completely personal support.
Each programme contains a number of different packages, based on your needs and your budget. Whichever package you choose, you can be assured that you’ll get my personal attention and a truly personal coaching experience.
I'm delighted to be able to offer online coaching as part of the mix, and here's why:
- it's much more cost-effective for my clients - my basic packages will cost you less than one hour of my face-to-face time, and we'll be able to cover much more ground
- you get far more time to reflect and think in depth about the answer to a question. Several of my guinea pigs have already commented on how much they like this aspect as it makes them consider things so much more
- once you start answering the questions in your chosen package, it instantly becomes a personal, one-to-one coaching session, just as it would be if we were face to face.
- both you as the client and I as the coach can choose the time that's most appropriate for us to do this work. We don't have to be in the same place, time or even time zone to work together and we can fit it in around our other commitments
- our coaching conversations remain available for you to go over as often as you want. It's easy for you to go back and remind yourself what you said you would do, so you can't "forget" about your actions, and you can track your own progress and see how far you've come in your "colouring in"
- the software is really easy to use - if you're reading this blog you can cope with online coaching!
I'll be back in a few days to tell you more about what I'm up to...
Monday, 26 April 2010
On Meeting Your Moomins
On Saturday I held a follow-up session with some of the delegates from my first True Colours workshop. We came together to explore what was different for them in their lives since we last met, and to look at some more techniques that could help them to continue to build their confidence and live more fulfilling lives.
I was delighted to hear of their progress, and equally delighted about how enthusiastic they were to do more work - to the extent that one of them suggested a whole new exercise, and invited me to join in! The results were astounding, and I've decided to share them here.
We had been talking about Gremlins. Gremlins are the unhelpful aspects of your inner voice, and they can lead you into repeating patterns of self-defeating behaviour but giving you messages that make you get in your own way. Gremlins start out with the intention of being helpful but they end up getting it wrong, either by cropping up at unhelpful times, or by telling us the wrong things - as an example, one of my Gremlins for years was "Little Miss Itstoo Scary" - she was trying to keep me safe and prepared for risks, but what she actually did was to hold me back from ever trying anything that had even the slightest element of risk attached. Once I's identified her and realised how she was trying to help, I've been able to tell her she can have a rest now, as I'm capable of assessing risks and making my own decisions - and if you've read previous posts here, you'll know that overcoming fears has been a big thing for me of late!
On Saturday, after we'd all talked about our own Gremlins, one of my participants asked if there was a positive version of Gremlins, in other words, the inner voices that are helpful and lead you into positive behaviours. We all quickly decided that if there aren't, there should be - and we decided to discover our own, me included.
We agreed to call our positive Gremlins Moomins. (The Moomins are the central characters in a series of books and a comic strip by Swedish-Finn illustrator and writer Tove Jansson. We felt that they were emblematic of what positive Gremlins were all about). As we took a little time to discover our Moomins, I watched the smiles break out on people's faces, turning into broad grins as we settled on the ones we liked best. Then it was time to share.
My Moomins, I decided, are as follows:
Happy Moomin - Happy Moomin is on a bouncy castle. She's exuberant, childlike, excitable and enthusiastic, and she loves to encourage playfulness in others. Every time she bounces, she sees the world from a new and different perspective and that leads her to all sorts of new ideas and new discoveries.
Loving Moomin - Loving Moomin is carrying a huge platter of food that she's just prepared specifically so that she can nurture those around her. She's warm, affectionate and generous and takes great pleasure in the successes and triumphs of those around her.
Intrepid Moomin - Intrepid Moomin wears a pith helmet and carries a machete so that he can slash through the jungly undergrowth, making new paths for himself and the ones that come behind him. He's bold, brave and questing.
As we all shared our Moomins, so we all came to share in each others' delight at celebrating the positive aspects of our natures, and we finsihed Saturday's session on a real high. I've been thinking about my Moomins, and my delegates' Moomins, all weekend, and now I'd really like to know about other Moomins. So, if you'd like to join in and share you Moomins with me and the rest of the world, please add your comment below!
I was delighted to hear of their progress, and equally delighted about how enthusiastic they were to do more work - to the extent that one of them suggested a whole new exercise, and invited me to join in! The results were astounding, and I've decided to share them here.
We had been talking about Gremlins. Gremlins are the unhelpful aspects of your inner voice, and they can lead you into repeating patterns of self-defeating behaviour but giving you messages that make you get in your own way. Gremlins start out with the intention of being helpful but they end up getting it wrong, either by cropping up at unhelpful times, or by telling us the wrong things - as an example, one of my Gremlins for years was "Little Miss Itstoo Scary" - she was trying to keep me safe and prepared for risks, but what she actually did was to hold me back from ever trying anything that had even the slightest element of risk attached. Once I's identified her and realised how she was trying to help, I've been able to tell her she can have a rest now, as I'm capable of assessing risks and making my own decisions - and if you've read previous posts here, you'll know that overcoming fears has been a big thing for me of late!
On Saturday, after we'd all talked about our own Gremlins, one of my participants asked if there was a positive version of Gremlins, in other words, the inner voices that are helpful and lead you into positive behaviours. We all quickly decided that if there aren't, there should be - and we decided to discover our own, me included.
We agreed to call our positive Gremlins Moomins. (The Moomins are the central characters in a series of books and a comic strip by Swedish-Finn illustrator and writer Tove Jansson. We felt that they were emblematic of what positive Gremlins were all about). As we took a little time to discover our Moomins, I watched the smiles break out on people's faces, turning into broad grins as we settled on the ones we liked best. Then it was time to share.
My Moomins, I decided, are as follows:
Happy Moomin - Happy Moomin is on a bouncy castle. She's exuberant, childlike, excitable and enthusiastic, and she loves to encourage playfulness in others. Every time she bounces, she sees the world from a new and different perspective and that leads her to all sorts of new ideas and new discoveries.
Loving Moomin - Loving Moomin is carrying a huge platter of food that she's just prepared specifically so that she can nurture those around her. She's warm, affectionate and generous and takes great pleasure in the successes and triumphs of those around her.
Intrepid Moomin - Intrepid Moomin wears a pith helmet and carries a machete so that he can slash through the jungly undergrowth, making new paths for himself and the ones that come behind him. He's bold, brave and questing.
As we all shared our Moomins, so we all came to share in each others' delight at celebrating the positive aspects of our natures, and we finsihed Saturday's session on a real high. I've been thinking about my Moomins, and my delegates' Moomins, all weekend, and now I'd really like to know about other Moomins. So, if you'd like to join in and share you Moomins with me and the rest of the world, please add your comment below!
Monday, 19 April 2010
On Having An Empty Nest
This has been a momentous weekend for me, as my son has left home to live with his girlfriend and my daughter has gone back to Uni after her Easter Holidays. My nest is finally empty, just over 20 years since my first chick hatched.
So how is it? Very odd, is the answer. Half of me feels very proud of having done my job well and raised 2 fabulous people who are now carving out their own lives, doing what they want to do and biting great chunks out of life. When I think back to myself at their age, there's no comparison. I didn't go to University because I was too scared, and that fear of the unknown has held me back all my life - until last year, when I finally broke free. That's almost 30 years of being ruled by fear! In contrast, nothing seems to set my children back and from my observation, the vast majority of their generation seem to have the same outlook - that life is for living and all you need is some determination.
The other half of me can't quite believe that I no longer have to be a full-time Mum, ie think for other people and make sure everything's all right for them. Obviously that side of things has taken a back seat in comparison to how it was when they were little but as every Mum knows, you never really stop thinking like that. I've found that out of sight is out of mind as far as my daughter is concerned, so when she's at University it doesn't occur to me to worry about how she's doing - I know she's capable and having a good time but what time she comes in at night (or doesn't), how much she's drinking and whether she's eating healthily is no longer my concern so I don't think about it. I know she's sensible and I know she's focused on her future, so why would I worry? She's an adult, making her way in the world.
The same will be true of my son, once I've got over the sudden absence of him. He's a big personality and he's much taller than me, so when he's there he's very much THERE and at the moment it feels very odd that he's not THERE any more. I find myself thinking a lot at the moment about when he was a baby and a toddler. I also find I'm thinking about the times when I was overwhelmed by the demands of raising 2 children with only 17 months between them, suffering from depression and becoming a single mother. There were times when I thought life would always be that hard and that I would never have my own self and my own life back. The good news for anyone currently in that position is that it DOES get better and you DO get your own life back - mine's been coming back to me for years now, and last year was the culmination of it. And now that my nest is empty, the sky really is the limit!
So despite the pangs, I'm choosing to see this time as a reward for all the hard work I've put in over the last 20 years. I gave my kids roots, and now I've given them wings and they're flying high. Good for them. My own tether has got looser and looser over the last few years and now I too can take to the skies, knowing that I've shed the fear monster from my back so I'm lighter than I've ever been. There's a world of opportunities out there, and I'm going to grab them!
So how is it? Very odd, is the answer. Half of me feels very proud of having done my job well and raised 2 fabulous people who are now carving out their own lives, doing what they want to do and biting great chunks out of life. When I think back to myself at their age, there's no comparison. I didn't go to University because I was too scared, and that fear of the unknown has held me back all my life - until last year, when I finally broke free. That's almost 30 years of being ruled by fear! In contrast, nothing seems to set my children back and from my observation, the vast majority of their generation seem to have the same outlook - that life is for living and all you need is some determination.
The other half of me can't quite believe that I no longer have to be a full-time Mum, ie think for other people and make sure everything's all right for them. Obviously that side of things has taken a back seat in comparison to how it was when they were little but as every Mum knows, you never really stop thinking like that. I've found that out of sight is out of mind as far as my daughter is concerned, so when she's at University it doesn't occur to me to worry about how she's doing - I know she's capable and having a good time but what time she comes in at night (or doesn't), how much she's drinking and whether she's eating healthily is no longer my concern so I don't think about it. I know she's sensible and I know she's focused on her future, so why would I worry? She's an adult, making her way in the world.
The same will be true of my son, once I've got over the sudden absence of him. He's a big personality and he's much taller than me, so when he's there he's very much THERE and at the moment it feels very odd that he's not THERE any more. I find myself thinking a lot at the moment about when he was a baby and a toddler. I also find I'm thinking about the times when I was overwhelmed by the demands of raising 2 children with only 17 months between them, suffering from depression and becoming a single mother. There were times when I thought life would always be that hard and that I would never have my own self and my own life back. The good news for anyone currently in that position is that it DOES get better and you DO get your own life back - mine's been coming back to me for years now, and last year was the culmination of it. And now that my nest is empty, the sky really is the limit!
So despite the pangs, I'm choosing to see this time as a reward for all the hard work I've put in over the last 20 years. I gave my kids roots, and now I've given them wings and they're flying high. Good for them. My own tether has got looser and looser over the last few years and now I too can take to the skies, knowing that I've shed the fear monster from my back so I'm lighter than I've ever been. There's a world of opportunities out there, and I'm going to grab them!
Monday, 12 April 2010
On Being In the Moment
I used to be someone who could never live in the moment. Wherever I was, whatever I was doing, I would always have at least half my mind somewhere else, thinking about something else. I found it incredibly difficult to just "BE" and would feel physically uncomfortable if I had to sit around for any longer than a couple of minutes without something to read. I never realised that this was doing me any harm, and I certainly never realised that I was missing out on some of the best things in life, simply by not allowing myself to notice them.
I'm a different woman now though, and one of my greatest pleasures is to really take in what's going on around me. I've found that this leads me to a great and deep sense of inner peace, but I also know that it's only possible (for me, at least) because by and large I have come to a point where I am accepting of who I am. That acceptance means that I no longer have to try to run away from my thoughts and feelings, and that's what gives me the space to look outside.
This weekend is a case in point. My lovely husband Peter and I have had the most glorious weekend in our campervan, not doing very much but enjoying every minute. There were hot air balloons to watch, birds to listen to, new leaves and blossom to enjoy, warm sunshine to appreciate and all the smells of springtime. There was also peacefulness, togetherness, quiet affection, back rubs and the strengthening of the already strong bond between us - all done mostly wordlessly because words weren't necessary. As Peter says, "Simple Pleasures".
Simple Pleasures are Peter's version of my #happies and both come about only when you're able to be wholly in the moment. That means not fretting about what might be, what has been or what won't be, but rather focussing entirely on the here and now. Using all of your senses to tune in to whatever's around you, and noticing the good things.
How much of your time do you spend in the moment, and how much do you spend worrying about other things?
How would it be if you allowed yourself a little time each day to sit back and metaphorically smell the roses?
I wonder what good things you might start to notice about your life as a result?
Do let me know...
I'm a different woman now though, and one of my greatest pleasures is to really take in what's going on around me. I've found that this leads me to a great and deep sense of inner peace, but I also know that it's only possible (for me, at least) because by and large I have come to a point where I am accepting of who I am. That acceptance means that I no longer have to try to run away from my thoughts and feelings, and that's what gives me the space to look outside.
This weekend is a case in point. My lovely husband Peter and I have had the most glorious weekend in our campervan, not doing very much but enjoying every minute. There were hot air balloons to watch, birds to listen to, new leaves and blossom to enjoy, warm sunshine to appreciate and all the smells of springtime. There was also peacefulness, togetherness, quiet affection, back rubs and the strengthening of the already strong bond between us - all done mostly wordlessly because words weren't necessary. As Peter says, "Simple Pleasures".
Simple Pleasures are Peter's version of my #happies and both come about only when you're able to be wholly in the moment. That means not fretting about what might be, what has been or what won't be, but rather focussing entirely on the here and now. Using all of your senses to tune in to whatever's around you, and noticing the good things.
How much of your time do you spend in the moment, and how much do you spend worrying about other things?
How would it be if you allowed yourself a little time each day to sit back and metaphorically smell the roses?
I wonder what good things you might start to notice about your life as a result?
Do let me know...
Wednesday, 7 April 2010
On: 10 things that make me happy
Funny how the universe provides: I've been mimsying around thinking "I must blog about something but there's so much to talk about I don't know where to start" and then the lovely Kate Griffiths tagged me in her blog and asked me to continue the meme, 10 things that make me happy.
I've already written about happies, so this is something that's dear to my heart. The only trouble I foresee is narrowing ot down to 10. Here goes (in no particular order):
Diana & Jamie
My lovely husband Peter and I found a card in a local shop asking for someone to walk the dog for an elderly lady. She's now become a member of our extended family and we visit her 3 times a week, ostensibly to walk Jamie (a Yorkshire terrier) but also to have tea, cake and a good old natter with Diana. She's 95 and although she's not very mobile, can't hear very well and her eyesight is failing, she still lives independantly and is a fantastic conversationalist. I love going to see them because Jamie turns himself inside out with delight whenever he sees Peter, and Diana is always pleased to see us and thrilled to hear about what we've been up to. Watching the wind blow Jamie's fur back when he and Peter run across the playing field together, seeing his obvious delight in visitors and his care and affection for Diana is amazing, and tops up my happy-meter on a regular basis.
Word-Play
I like a good euphemism, and for years now we've been collecting phrases that sound like they should be euphemisms. It started when my daughter was learning to play the trumpet and excused herself from the dinner table one day by saying "Please can I get down, I need to go and grease my valves". It's only got worse since then! Language fascinates me and I love puns and plays on words - particularly good ones can leave me snorting with helpless laughter...
Silliness
...as can a healthy dose of silliness. I'm very proud to have raised to adulthood 2 very fine offspring who are not only clean, polite and responsible, but who also have an almost endless capacity for silliness. I feel sorry for people who don't have any silliness in their lives, I think it's essential.
Beaches in Winter
Sunbathing's all very well, but give me a slightly faded British seaside town out of season every time. Places like Ilfracombe, Hunstanton or Largs, that were in their heyday in the 1950s or earlier. I like a walk along the Promenade, a tour of the funny little shops and museums you get in towns like that, a cup of tea and a bun in a chintzy little tea shop. Bliss.
Snuggling
I'm a great fan of the snuggle, and luckily so is Peter. Sunday afternoons in winter were designed to be spent snuggled up together under a blanket watching a black and white film. We once spent an entire weekend when the weather was foul, tucked up in bed with a succession of pots of tea, reading our way through Elizabeth Jane Howard's 4-book Cazalet Saga. Snuggling, cuddling and all other forms of gentle physical affection are essential to keep my soul healthy and happy.
Shoes
Ah, shoes. It is a great sadness to me that I can no longer wear heels as my shoe collection used to be something that gave me great pleasure. I was once stopped on the stairs of an office buiilding by an American gentleman with whom I had been previously unacquainted, who grabbed my arm and just said "Oh, wow, hey - Great Shoes!" And then smiled and went on his way! Sadly, I've had to pass all my heels on to my daughter, (she is now probably the best shod student in Oxford and uses her book shelves as display units for her shoes) and now I treat visits to glorious shoe shops like trips to art galleries and museums - I go to marvel and wonder at the beauties on display, knowing that I can never take them home with me but that my soul has been nourished by being in their proximity...
Singing Very Loudly
In the car, in the shower, while cooking - nothing gets those old dolphins (endorphins, see what I did there?) swimming around like a good sing-song. If I'm in the car with my son we'll put on show tunes or Abba or 80s hits or rock ballads and sing our way to wherever we're going, making sure we get the harmonies right. If I'm alone I'll sing to whatever's on the radio and by the time I've got to my destination I'm happy as Larry.
Cake
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, cake. I come from a long line of excellent bakers, and I'm proud to say that I've inherited their talent as have BOTH of my offspring. Nigella's Domestic Goddess book is very well thumbed and stained, as is the Hummingbird Bakery cookbook my Mum gave me for Christmas. Cake, I feel, is the answer to all of life's problems - if the Israelis and the Palestinians could be persuaded to bake each other their old family cake recipes I reckon they'd find out they've got an awful lot in common. Cake is exquisite cooked and raw, in all its various guises, and I've never met a cake I didn't like.
Toast
And toast is almost the perfect comfort food. It's one of the irrisitible smells of life and I reckon the smell of toast is even more potent than the smell of bacon sandwiches. The smell takes me back to childhood, as does the taste. I can always find room for a slice or two of toast, and when combined with snuggling and our campervan, it's a little bit of heaven on earth.
Our Campervan
I'm hugging myself mentally just thinking about it! My lovely husband and I are taking off in it at the weekend and we shall camp up near the canal and spend the weekend snuggling, reading, drinking endless cups of tea, watching the ducks float past and generally chilling. It's a total escape from the rest of the world and it's just for us.
So there we are, 10 things that make me happy. I hereby nominate the following lovely people to tell us about 10 things that make them happy and keep the meme alive:
@rachelcotterill because she is a generally amazing and inspiring person and will have something very interesting to say
@happy_food who understands the critical importance of cake
@daisydaisy66 who is reawakening with the spring
@porridgebrain who writes beautifully and needs a laugh
and YOU, if you want to join in - add a comment here or tweet me to let me know!
I've already written about happies, so this is something that's dear to my heart. The only trouble I foresee is narrowing ot down to 10. Here goes (in no particular order):
Diana & Jamie
My lovely husband Peter and I found a card in a local shop asking for someone to walk the dog for an elderly lady. She's now become a member of our extended family and we visit her 3 times a week, ostensibly to walk Jamie (a Yorkshire terrier) but also to have tea, cake and a good old natter with Diana. She's 95 and although she's not very mobile, can't hear very well and her eyesight is failing, she still lives independantly and is a fantastic conversationalist. I love going to see them because Jamie turns himself inside out with delight whenever he sees Peter, and Diana is always pleased to see us and thrilled to hear about what we've been up to. Watching the wind blow Jamie's fur back when he and Peter run across the playing field together, seeing his obvious delight in visitors and his care and affection for Diana is amazing, and tops up my happy-meter on a regular basis.
Word-Play
I like a good euphemism, and for years now we've been collecting phrases that sound like they should be euphemisms. It started when my daughter was learning to play the trumpet and excused herself from the dinner table one day by saying "Please can I get down, I need to go and grease my valves". It's only got worse since then! Language fascinates me and I love puns and plays on words - particularly good ones can leave me snorting with helpless laughter...
Silliness
...as can a healthy dose of silliness. I'm very proud to have raised to adulthood 2 very fine offspring who are not only clean, polite and responsible, but who also have an almost endless capacity for silliness. I feel sorry for people who don't have any silliness in their lives, I think it's essential.
Beaches in Winter
Sunbathing's all very well, but give me a slightly faded British seaside town out of season every time. Places like Ilfracombe, Hunstanton or Largs, that were in their heyday in the 1950s or earlier. I like a walk along the Promenade, a tour of the funny little shops and museums you get in towns like that, a cup of tea and a bun in a chintzy little tea shop. Bliss.
Snuggling
I'm a great fan of the snuggle, and luckily so is Peter. Sunday afternoons in winter were designed to be spent snuggled up together under a blanket watching a black and white film. We once spent an entire weekend when the weather was foul, tucked up in bed with a succession of pots of tea, reading our way through Elizabeth Jane Howard's 4-book Cazalet Saga. Snuggling, cuddling and all other forms of gentle physical affection are essential to keep my soul healthy and happy.
Shoes
Ah, shoes. It is a great sadness to me that I can no longer wear heels as my shoe collection used to be something that gave me great pleasure. I was once stopped on the stairs of an office buiilding by an American gentleman with whom I had been previously unacquainted, who grabbed my arm and just said "Oh, wow, hey - Great Shoes!" And then smiled and went on his way! Sadly, I've had to pass all my heels on to my daughter, (she is now probably the best shod student in Oxford and uses her book shelves as display units for her shoes) and now I treat visits to glorious shoe shops like trips to art galleries and museums - I go to marvel and wonder at the beauties on display, knowing that I can never take them home with me but that my soul has been nourished by being in their proximity...
Singing Very Loudly
In the car, in the shower, while cooking - nothing gets those old dolphins (endorphins, see what I did there?) swimming around like a good sing-song. If I'm in the car with my son we'll put on show tunes or Abba or 80s hits or rock ballads and sing our way to wherever we're going, making sure we get the harmonies right. If I'm alone I'll sing to whatever's on the radio and by the time I've got to my destination I'm happy as Larry.
Cake
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, cake. I come from a long line of excellent bakers, and I'm proud to say that I've inherited their talent as have BOTH of my offspring. Nigella's Domestic Goddess book is very well thumbed and stained, as is the Hummingbird Bakery cookbook my Mum gave me for Christmas. Cake, I feel, is the answer to all of life's problems - if the Israelis and the Palestinians could be persuaded to bake each other their old family cake recipes I reckon they'd find out they've got an awful lot in common. Cake is exquisite cooked and raw, in all its various guises, and I've never met a cake I didn't like.
Toast
And toast is almost the perfect comfort food. It's one of the irrisitible smells of life and I reckon the smell of toast is even more potent than the smell of bacon sandwiches. The smell takes me back to childhood, as does the taste. I can always find room for a slice or two of toast, and when combined with snuggling and our campervan, it's a little bit of heaven on earth.
Our Campervan
I'm hugging myself mentally just thinking about it! My lovely husband and I are taking off in it at the weekend and we shall camp up near the canal and spend the weekend snuggling, reading, drinking endless cups of tea, watching the ducks float past and generally chilling. It's a total escape from the rest of the world and it's just for us.
So there we are, 10 things that make me happy. I hereby nominate the following lovely people to tell us about 10 things that make them happy and keep the meme alive:
@rachelcotterill because she is a generally amazing and inspiring person and will have something very interesting to say
@happy_food who understands the critical importance of cake
@daisydaisy66 who is reawakening with the spring
@porridgebrain who writes beautifully and needs a laugh
and YOU, if you want to join in - add a comment here or tweet me to let me know!
Monday, 15 March 2010
On What I've Been Up To
I'm getting far too sporadic with this blog. I keep doing interesting things and meeting interesting people, and each time I do I think "ooh, I must blog about that" and then I'm on to the next interesting thing and the moment has passed. So I think this will have to be a round up of various interesting things I've been up to of late. OK, so, where to start...
March 5th - I recorded my first ever teleseminar! I'm dead proud of this, I must say. I coped with the technology, having been helped over my intitial panic that nothing appeared to be working by the ever wise Sharon Gaskin, and once I got into it I really enjoyed it. I did make it easy on myself by making sure no-one could interrupt, so next time I shall be bolder and make it an interactive session, which will be fun. I had some really generous and positive comments from listeners which bucked me up no end. If you didn't get a chance to listen to it at the time, I've now saved it and loaded it up as a podcast, so you can listen to it any time by just clicking on this link.
March 8th - I went to the Women Unlimited Conference held at the British Library Conference Centre. A very tiring but excellent day, with some fabulous, inspiring speakers and lots of lovely entrepreneuses. I never knew all this sort of stuff went on before! What a fabulous way to spend International Women's Day!
March 9th - went to my first 4N event as a paid up member. I've been looking for a networking group that felt right for me, and I went to my first ever 4N on March 2nd. I'd seen lots of references to it on Twitter, and then had it recommended to me by a member, so I thought I'd give it a try. I felt immediately at home on my first visit, so much so that I joined the minute I got home, parting with cash and everything! I really like the unstuffy atmosphere, the lack of rules and the fact that you can go to 4N meetings wherever you happen to be. I've met some really nice people and have booked myself in to attend an average of 2 meetings a week from now on.
From there, I went to the launch of the 30:30 Big Wig's Challenge in aid of the Sue Ryder Care Hospice in Leckhampton, Cheltenham. This is a fund-raising venture which aims to raise £30,000 between now and the end of July. You can see what I'm doing to help out here - please give generously!
And that evening, I had a fantastic session with a client, who has uncovered what she really wants to do with her life as a direct result of the work we've been doing together - we both left the session on a real high as a result.
March 10th - to Surrey to visit another client - it was a beautiful (if flipping cold) day and I took advantage of the fact that I had no other appointments that day to take the scenic route and enjoy the drive. The coaching session went really well again, and I went home thrilled that I'm able to spend my time doing something so fulfilling and rewarding. I'm contiunually struck by what a privilege it is to be allowed to listen as people explore their deepest fears and feelings.
March 11th was a Birthday in our house, so not much work was done, but there was a lot of feasting and celebrating. I did have a lovely long chat with Kate Griffiths, who I've met on Twitter, and as a result we've decided to provide a sort of mentoring service for each other, so that's good!
March 12th - my first ever interview with the press! I met a lovely lady called Caroline Fisher, who writes for the Gloucestershire Echo amongst others. I think the interview went well, and we seemed to get on like a house on fire, so now I'm waiting to see the result in print. I took advantage of the opportunity to slip her a copy of my book wot I wrote - I've had some lovely reactions to it so far, and I'm hoping she'll think it's worth a mention.
And in amongst all that I've been tweeting, facebooking, collectring new subscribers for my newsletter, writing articles for various magazines, and being a wife, a daughter and a mother. Blimey. It's no wonder I'm tired!
March 5th - I recorded my first ever teleseminar! I'm dead proud of this, I must say. I coped with the technology, having been helped over my intitial panic that nothing appeared to be working by the ever wise Sharon Gaskin, and once I got into it I really enjoyed it. I did make it easy on myself by making sure no-one could interrupt, so next time I shall be bolder and make it an interactive session, which will be fun. I had some really generous and positive comments from listeners which bucked me up no end. If you didn't get a chance to listen to it at the time, I've now saved it and loaded it up as a podcast, so you can listen to it any time by just clicking on this link.
March 8th - I went to the Women Unlimited Conference held at the British Library Conference Centre. A very tiring but excellent day, with some fabulous, inspiring speakers and lots of lovely entrepreneuses. I never knew all this sort of stuff went on before! What a fabulous way to spend International Women's Day!
March 9th - went to my first 4N event as a paid up member. I've been looking for a networking group that felt right for me, and I went to my first ever 4N on March 2nd. I'd seen lots of references to it on Twitter, and then had it recommended to me by a member, so I thought I'd give it a try. I felt immediately at home on my first visit, so much so that I joined the minute I got home, parting with cash and everything! I really like the unstuffy atmosphere, the lack of rules and the fact that you can go to 4N meetings wherever you happen to be. I've met some really nice people and have booked myself in to attend an average of 2 meetings a week from now on.
From there, I went to the launch of the 30:30 Big Wig's Challenge in aid of the Sue Ryder Care Hospice in Leckhampton, Cheltenham. This is a fund-raising venture which aims to raise £30,000 between now and the end of July. You can see what I'm doing to help out here - please give generously!
And that evening, I had a fantastic session with a client, who has uncovered what she really wants to do with her life as a direct result of the work we've been doing together - we both left the session on a real high as a result.
March 10th - to Surrey to visit another client - it was a beautiful (if flipping cold) day and I took advantage of the fact that I had no other appointments that day to take the scenic route and enjoy the drive. The coaching session went really well again, and I went home thrilled that I'm able to spend my time doing something so fulfilling and rewarding. I'm contiunually struck by what a privilege it is to be allowed to listen as people explore their deepest fears and feelings.
March 11th was a Birthday in our house, so not much work was done, but there was a lot of feasting and celebrating. I did have a lovely long chat with Kate Griffiths, who I've met on Twitter, and as a result we've decided to provide a sort of mentoring service for each other, so that's good!
March 12th - my first ever interview with the press! I met a lovely lady called Caroline Fisher, who writes for the Gloucestershire Echo amongst others. I think the interview went well, and we seemed to get on like a house on fire, so now I'm waiting to see the result in print. I took advantage of the opportunity to slip her a copy of my book wot I wrote - I've had some lovely reactions to it so far, and I'm hoping she'll think it's worth a mention.
And in amongst all that I've been tweeting, facebooking, collectring new subscribers for my newsletter, writing articles for various magazines, and being a wife, a daughter and a mother. Blimey. It's no wonder I'm tired!
Friday, 5 March 2010
On My Adventures In The Big City
Yesterday I went to London for the day. I had 3 meetings arranged: one chemistry meeting with a prospective client, one coaching session with an existing client, and one catch up with a dear friend who was going to give me a tour of her husband's art exhibition. I had arranged the first and last meetings around the middle one, to make the most of the day, and decided to let National Express take the strain.
So, up early to catch the 0810 coach, we left the house at 0730 on the basis that it would take half an hour to walk to the coach stop and I don't like to be late. My lovely husband accompanied me as it was on his way to work. We walked so fast it took all of 10 minutes to get to the bust stop, which left me with a half hour wait for the coach! And boy, was it cold yesterday morning! Still, never mind, I was wrapped up in coat and gloves, and it would only be half an hour.
Or would it? 0810 came and went with no sign of a coach. Then at 0817 I spied it, a big, white National Express coach zooming round the roundabout, approaching the bus stop ..... and zooming straight past with the driver looking fixedly ahead, CLEARLY ignoring my frantic attempts to flag her down. I was dumbfounded. Clearly she was late, but that was no excuse for failing to stop.
Luckily a local bus was right behind, and I thought if I hopped on that I could catch up with the coach at the next stop in town. But look! I have no money on me!! How sensible am I?!
So I rang my lovely husband and asked him to come out and meet me at the gates to his work, and bring me some money. Which he did, bless him. Then he walked me to the nearest bus stop where, as luck would have it, a bus was just about to pull in. As lovely husband turned away, railing at the uselessness of National Express and exhorting me to ring them and complain, what did I espy but a National Express coach creeping up behind the local bus. And, would you believe it, when I checked my ticket, this one actually had the right service number on it, unlike (I now realised) the one that had zoomed past me....
I was now at the wrong bus stop, but I leapt out into the road waving my ticket and holding up traffic while trying to get the coach driver to let me on board. Which he did, very grumpily and probably against the rules, but boy was I grateful!! What a good job he was half an hour late, or I'd never have caught him!!
Once I'd settled in I rang my husband to let him know, but his phone was engaged, so I checked my emails instead. There was one cancelling my first meeting, for a very good reason it has to be said. Just then my husband rang to tell me about the argument he'd just had with someone at National Express's head office and what a shower they were and how angry he was at their poor service. How he laughed when I told him about my mix up with the coaches, and how I was now on the right one! Ha!
The journey was largely uneventful, apart from the WiFi not working and the electrical socket that I'd plugged my laptop into not having any power. As we sat in a traffic jam outside Buckingham Palace I reflected on how lucky it was that my morning meeting had been cancelled, as we were so late that I wouldn't have made it anyhow.
We finally made it to Victoria and I had plenty of time to get my Oyster card, buy some lunch and saunter on to the underground to get to my next appointment. I would even have time for a cup of tea somewhere when I go to my destination. I was buoyed up by having taken a call from a journalist wanting to interview me for a feature article next week - it was a lovely day, I wasn't in a rush, all was good.
A few stops from my destination, the phone rang. My client said "I don't know how to tell me this, but..." he had a family emergency that required his immediate attention. I managed to hold off with the hysterical laughter till I got off the phone, convincing him that he didn't need to feel guilty and it wasn't a problem. I rang my lovely husband and we had a chortle together - and then I noticed we were pulling into what had been my destination and if I didn't get off there, I'd end up who knows where.
Off I got, crossed the footbridge over to the other platform and ate my lunch while freezing my bits off waiting 20 minutes for a train back in the other direction. While there I had a sudden panic - was I meeting my friend in Kingston or Richmond? Was she going to cancel on me too? How did one get to Kingston or Richmond from where I was?
Thankfully she texted me right back - I was going to Kingston, she wasn't going to cancel, and she could meet me earlier than planned. Apart from then passing through various stations 3 times because I got confused about which route to take, the journey to Kingston was uneventful. I had a lovely time with my friend, including copious amounts of tea, wine and ribaldry. To our delight, our guru, the man who taught us to be coaches, happened to wander past the window of Carluccio's as we were ribalding, so I ran outside like a thing possessed, bear-hugged him and woman-handled him in to join us. Once he'd got over the shock (I'm quite hefty, and apparently he doesn't often find himself being charged at by overweight middle-aged women dressed in all the colours of the rainbow!) he was as delighted to see us as we were to see him, so we had a lovely catch-up before we let him go free again.
I made my leisurely way back to Victoria, picking up some supper from M&S on the way, and arriving at the Coach Station with plenty of time to spare. Got on the coach, no problems, settled down, no problems, plugged in my laptop and WiFi, no problems. Went to eat my supper - a nice healthy couscous salad with roasted veg and spicy chicken. Which I had to eat with my fingers, cos I hadn't picked up a fork.
I had a lovely day out, and I hope my next trip to London will be as much fun!
So, up early to catch the 0810 coach, we left the house at 0730 on the basis that it would take half an hour to walk to the coach stop and I don't like to be late. My lovely husband accompanied me as it was on his way to work. We walked so fast it took all of 10 minutes to get to the bust stop, which left me with a half hour wait for the coach! And boy, was it cold yesterday morning! Still, never mind, I was wrapped up in coat and gloves, and it would only be half an hour.
Or would it? 0810 came and went with no sign of a coach. Then at 0817 I spied it, a big, white National Express coach zooming round the roundabout, approaching the bus stop ..... and zooming straight past with the driver looking fixedly ahead, CLEARLY ignoring my frantic attempts to flag her down. I was dumbfounded. Clearly she was late, but that was no excuse for failing to stop.
Luckily a local bus was right behind, and I thought if I hopped on that I could catch up with the coach at the next stop in town. But look! I have no money on me!! How sensible am I?!
So I rang my lovely husband and asked him to come out and meet me at the gates to his work, and bring me some money. Which he did, bless him. Then he walked me to the nearest bus stop where, as luck would have it, a bus was just about to pull in. As lovely husband turned away, railing at the uselessness of National Express and exhorting me to ring them and complain, what did I espy but a National Express coach creeping up behind the local bus. And, would you believe it, when I checked my ticket, this one actually had the right service number on it, unlike (I now realised) the one that had zoomed past me....
I was now at the wrong bus stop, but I leapt out into the road waving my ticket and holding up traffic while trying to get the coach driver to let me on board. Which he did, very grumpily and probably against the rules, but boy was I grateful!! What a good job he was half an hour late, or I'd never have caught him!!
Once I'd settled in I rang my husband to let him know, but his phone was engaged, so I checked my emails instead. There was one cancelling my first meeting, for a very good reason it has to be said. Just then my husband rang to tell me about the argument he'd just had with someone at National Express's head office and what a shower they were and how angry he was at their poor service. How he laughed when I told him about my mix up with the coaches, and how I was now on the right one! Ha!
The journey was largely uneventful, apart from the WiFi not working and the electrical socket that I'd plugged my laptop into not having any power. As we sat in a traffic jam outside Buckingham Palace I reflected on how lucky it was that my morning meeting had been cancelled, as we were so late that I wouldn't have made it anyhow.
We finally made it to Victoria and I had plenty of time to get my Oyster card, buy some lunch and saunter on to the underground to get to my next appointment. I would even have time for a cup of tea somewhere when I go to my destination. I was buoyed up by having taken a call from a journalist wanting to interview me for a feature article next week - it was a lovely day, I wasn't in a rush, all was good.
A few stops from my destination, the phone rang. My client said "I don't know how to tell me this, but..." he had a family emergency that required his immediate attention. I managed to hold off with the hysterical laughter till I got off the phone, convincing him that he didn't need to feel guilty and it wasn't a problem. I rang my lovely husband and we had a chortle together - and then I noticed we were pulling into what had been my destination and if I didn't get off there, I'd end up who knows where.
Off I got, crossed the footbridge over to the other platform and ate my lunch while freezing my bits off waiting 20 minutes for a train back in the other direction. While there I had a sudden panic - was I meeting my friend in Kingston or Richmond? Was she going to cancel on me too? How did one get to Kingston or Richmond from where I was?
Thankfully she texted me right back - I was going to Kingston, she wasn't going to cancel, and she could meet me earlier than planned. Apart from then passing through various stations 3 times because I got confused about which route to take, the journey to Kingston was uneventful. I had a lovely time with my friend, including copious amounts of tea, wine and ribaldry. To our delight, our guru, the man who taught us to be coaches, happened to wander past the window of Carluccio's as we were ribalding, so I ran outside like a thing possessed, bear-hugged him and woman-handled him in to join us. Once he'd got over the shock (I'm quite hefty, and apparently he doesn't often find himself being charged at by overweight middle-aged women dressed in all the colours of the rainbow!) he was as delighted to see us as we were to see him, so we had a lovely catch-up before we let him go free again.
I made my leisurely way back to Victoria, picking up some supper from M&S on the way, and arriving at the Coach Station with plenty of time to spare. Got on the coach, no problems, settled down, no problems, plugged in my laptop and WiFi, no problems. Went to eat my supper - a nice healthy couscous salad with roasted veg and spicy chicken. Which I had to eat with my fingers, cos I hadn't picked up a fork.
I had a lovely day out, and I hope my next trip to London will be as much fun!
Monday, 22 February 2010
On Having One Of Those Days
I'm having One Of Those Days. I get them every now and again and it's almost as if my body is trying to give me a not-so-subtle reminder of what it's like to be in the midst of a depressive phase. I wake up, and the black dog is sitting on my chest, panting at me. He proceeds to spend the rest of the day following me around and oozing gloom at me, until I give up and go to bed. Usually when this happens, I recognise that it's only going to last for a day and give in to it, in the knowledge that I'll wake up tomorrow to a new day and all will be well again.
But today I've been driving myself potty by trying to work out what's brought it
on. My lovely son (see photo, taken by the splendid Mr Rhys Jones, aka Photo Maestro ) has even tried to coach me through it, bless him. But still the dog remains. So I'm going to use today's blog to tune in to my inner voice, to find out what's going on.
Here are the first things I notice that my inner voice is saying to me:
Well, I know that eating chocolate and going back to bed won't make me feel better in the long run, so I can discount them, tempting as they are. I guess really they are attempts to soothe my inner child - here, have a magic sweetie and it'll all be all right - my attempts to kiss it better. So, I may be doing it in an unhelpful way, but at least part of me is trying to look after me and at least I've learned that these options aren't actually all that helpful. Now that I think about it, I can see that going for a walk would do me far more good - although that would involve getting dressed first....told you it was a bad day!
The 3rd one, about the yoga, is interesting. I've been having irregular yoga lessons since before Christmas, and when I went on my NLP course last weekend, one of the things I decided I wanted to have different in my life was to practice yoga more regularly. We were learning about swishing and I volunteered to have the technique demonstrated on me, so that I would replace my previous, slug-like approach to the mornings with a desire to leap out of bed and go through my yoga routine every other day. And you know what? It worked! Last week I ached more than I've ached in a very long time, because of all the unaccustomed exercise. I felt fantastic and I was eager to keep doing it, and to banish the slug version of me.
And then this morning, I allowed the slug to take over. It was a conscious choice and as I'm typing this, I'm wondering which came first, the Slug or the Black Dog? Because I'm very aware that my inner voice has been telling me off ever since I decided to stay in bed and finish my book this morning. And actually, I'm now aware that I finished my book, rather than just reading a couple of chapters and then getting up, almost as an act of defiance. It was as if somewhere inside my head my teenage self was saying "The more you keep on nagging, the longer I'm going to lie here reading, just to piss you off!"
How interesting - I've sabotaged myself. And I feel much brighter for having that realisation. I can also see that the rest of the list of things the Inner Voice has been telling me today are further acts of self-sabotage.
I wonder why we sabotage ourselves? I read a fascinating article by Oliver Burkeman in Saturday's Guardian, all about how we are drawn towards the easiest option all the time, and I recognised myself in what he described. And that's what I did this morning - instead of making the effort to get up and get on with the day, I gave in to the easiest option and have spent the day simultaneously punishing myself and stopping myself from making any further effort.
I am fully aware that one of my Gremlins (the things that hold us back or stop us from doing things) is the voice that says "it's all to too much effort, I can't be arsed". These days I'm pretty adept at spotting when it's happening, and I've learnt to ask it what it's trying to protect me from. So, assuming that Mr Can't B. Arsed the Gremlin was around this morning, what was he trying to protect me from when I allowed him to talk me into staying in bed? I suspect that he, and his cronies, are all too aware that a significant change in lifestyle is creeping up on them, and this was an attempt to hold it at bay. If I derail my attempts to change, I can slip back into my old, familiar, comfortable ways of being and doing, and I'd be lying if I said that that's not at least partly attractive.
All change involves effort, and all change involves a certain degree of discomfort. I've been through a monumental amount of change over the past year and I've promised myself that there's a lot more to come. I suspect that at least a part of my self is begging for mercy and just wants to be allowed to go back to sleep again, and that part came to the fore this morning.
But I can't let it have its way otherwise all my hard work up to now will have been for nothing. I'll revisit my NLP notes and make sure that my Swish is brought back to life, so that I can be a better support to myself tomorrow morning.
And for today, I'm going to forgive myself. I am, after all, only human, and everyone's allowed a little stumble now and again. And that's all today has been - a little stumble. My goals are all still as they were and I KNOW that I will achieve them.
So - I'm off to get dressed and do the grocery shopping. And I may just allow myself a very small bar of Green & Blacks as a treat....
But today I've been driving myself potty by trying to work out what's brought it
on. My lovely son (see photo, taken by the splendid Mr Rhys Jones, aka Photo Maestro ) has even tried to coach me through it, bless him. But still the dog remains. So I'm going to use today's blog to tune in to my inner voice, to find out what's going on.Here are the first things I notice that my inner voice is saying to me:
- Eat chocolate and you'll feel better
- Go back to bed and you'll feel better
- You've let yourself down by not doing your yoga this morning, and even when you tried to make up for it a while ago it was only a half-hearted attempt so you let yourself down again then
- Everything's too difficult today, so don't bother doing anything
- There's too much to do and no-one else is going to do it
- Just sit very still and very quiet and try to stop thinking
- It's too much effort to talk to anyone in the flesh so don't go anywhere and then you'll be safe
Well, I know that eating chocolate and going back to bed won't make me feel better in the long run, so I can discount them, tempting as they are. I guess really they are attempts to soothe my inner child - here, have a magic sweetie and it'll all be all right - my attempts to kiss it better. So, I may be doing it in an unhelpful way, but at least part of me is trying to look after me and at least I've learned that these options aren't actually all that helpful. Now that I think about it, I can see that going for a walk would do me far more good - although that would involve getting dressed first....told you it was a bad day!
The 3rd one, about the yoga, is interesting. I've been having irregular yoga lessons since before Christmas, and when I went on my NLP course last weekend, one of the things I decided I wanted to have different in my life was to practice yoga more regularly. We were learning about swishing and I volunteered to have the technique demonstrated on me, so that I would replace my previous, slug-like approach to the mornings with a desire to leap out of bed and go through my yoga routine every other day. And you know what? It worked! Last week I ached more than I've ached in a very long time, because of all the unaccustomed exercise. I felt fantastic and I was eager to keep doing it, and to banish the slug version of me.
And then this morning, I allowed the slug to take over. It was a conscious choice and as I'm typing this, I'm wondering which came first, the Slug or the Black Dog? Because I'm very aware that my inner voice has been telling me off ever since I decided to stay in bed and finish my book this morning. And actually, I'm now aware that I finished my book, rather than just reading a couple of chapters and then getting up, almost as an act of defiance. It was as if somewhere inside my head my teenage self was saying "The more you keep on nagging, the longer I'm going to lie here reading, just to piss you off!"
How interesting - I've sabotaged myself. And I feel much brighter for having that realisation. I can also see that the rest of the list of things the Inner Voice has been telling me today are further acts of self-sabotage.
I wonder why we sabotage ourselves? I read a fascinating article by Oliver Burkeman in Saturday's Guardian, all about how we are drawn towards the easiest option all the time, and I recognised myself in what he described. And that's what I did this morning - instead of making the effort to get up and get on with the day, I gave in to the easiest option and have spent the day simultaneously punishing myself and stopping myself from making any further effort.
I am fully aware that one of my Gremlins (the things that hold us back or stop us from doing things) is the voice that says "it's all to too much effort, I can't be arsed". These days I'm pretty adept at spotting when it's happening, and I've learnt to ask it what it's trying to protect me from. So, assuming that Mr Can't B. Arsed the Gremlin was around this morning, what was he trying to protect me from when I allowed him to talk me into staying in bed? I suspect that he, and his cronies, are all too aware that a significant change in lifestyle is creeping up on them, and this was an attempt to hold it at bay. If I derail my attempts to change, I can slip back into my old, familiar, comfortable ways of being and doing, and I'd be lying if I said that that's not at least partly attractive.
All change involves effort, and all change involves a certain degree of discomfort. I've been through a monumental amount of change over the past year and I've promised myself that there's a lot more to come. I suspect that at least a part of my self is begging for mercy and just wants to be allowed to go back to sleep again, and that part came to the fore this morning.
But I can't let it have its way otherwise all my hard work up to now will have been for nothing. I'll revisit my NLP notes and make sure that my Swish is brought back to life, so that I can be a better support to myself tomorrow morning.
And for today, I'm going to forgive myself. I am, after all, only human, and everyone's allowed a little stumble now and again. And that's all today has been - a little stumble. My goals are all still as they were and I KNOW that I will achieve them.
So - I'm off to get dressed and do the grocery shopping. And I may just allow myself a very small bar of Green & Blacks as a treat....
Wednesday, 10 February 2010
On Defeating the Elephant of Death
I had a fantastic yoga session last week. Adam, my lovely instructor, knows I like words so he always tells me both the Sanskrit and the Hindi(?) names for the poses, and the Latin names for various muscles. And he helpfully translates the Sanskrit/Hindi for me as well, my Sanskrit being ever so slightly rusty these days....
Anyway, last Friday I learnt about the Lion that Defeats the Elephant of Death which, as I'm sure you all know, is all to do with strengthening your core abdominal muscles.
After we'd had a giggle at the name, and Adam had suggested what a splendid title it would make for a blog post, we fell to wondering how it had come about its name. Adam reckoned that it was because, when you do it properly, you pull all of your internal organs back up into place, lift your diaphragm and stand up straight - that's what strengthens your core and must make you healthier because your insides aren't all being squished against each other.
I think that's part of it, but I think it goes deeper than that. As part of the work I do helping people to become more confident I use some of what I've learned from Adam. First off, we talk about the effect your posture can have on your mood, and then I ask them to show me the posture that they associate with shy people. We get a lot of demonstrations of arm folding, leg twisting and staring at the carpet, which generally leads on to a discussion about what messages that posture sends out to other people - and it's "keep away because I'm not worthy".
So then I channel Adam and show them how to stand straight and strong as I have been taught. This involves Defeating the Elephant of Death and I've seen it have a very profound effect on people.
When we move from a posture that tells the world that we think we have no place in it (a closed body, looking down, arms folded - the classic "I'm shy, don't notice me") to one of strength and confidence (standing straight, shoulders back, head up, making eye contact) we ourselves feel differently. I will never forget the (very shy) lady who said, in wonderment, "It's so much easier being like this! I feel like I belong in this space and I have a right to be here". All because I had encouraged her to think about her posture.
I wonder whether the Elephant of Death is a metaphor for the fears that keep us small and looking down? After all, what's keeping us down is usually the fear that we are not worthy, or that we somehow don't belong, or that other people won't want to hear from us, or any other of the millions of reasons that we hide our true colours from the world. Once you realise that the only thing stopping you is your fear, it becomes easier to handle it. And standing up straight, grounding yourself and finding the core of strength inside you makes physiological changes that result in altered brain chemistry, so that you automatically start to FEEL braver and stronger.
And that's how you conquer the Elephant of Death - by looking him squarely in the eye and challenging him to a duel of wits. And I guarantee, if you do that, you'll win every time.
An update: adam has now read my blog, and has sent me the following:
"We probably need to amend something though, as clearly in the intensity of our semi-nirvana I've mis-stated or you've mis-heard or some mutual combination.
Uddiyana Bandha is 'The elephant that conquers death'; elephants are sacred / lucky divine in Indian thought (think Ganesha) and wouldn't be a representative of death.
So more accurately, mastering this exercise is getting Nellie on your side. There is another layer of symbolism here because of cause elephants enjoy relative longevity compared to humans.
Good practice of uddiyana lifts us up; makes us strong and foursquare under life's weight - an indefatigable pachyderm, who won't be pushed down and compressed by the burdens of daily life."
I apologise unreservedly for misrepresenting him - I have no doubt whatsoever that I misheard what he said!
Anyway, last Friday I learnt about the Lion that Defeats the Elephant of Death which, as I'm sure you all know, is all to do with strengthening your core abdominal muscles.
After we'd had a giggle at the name, and Adam had suggested what a splendid title it would make for a blog post, we fell to wondering how it had come about its name. Adam reckoned that it was because, when you do it properly, you pull all of your internal organs back up into place, lift your diaphragm and stand up straight - that's what strengthens your core and must make you healthier because your insides aren't all being squished against each other.
I think that's part of it, but I think it goes deeper than that. As part of the work I do helping people to become more confident I use some of what I've learned from Adam. First off, we talk about the effect your posture can have on your mood, and then I ask them to show me the posture that they associate with shy people. We get a lot of demonstrations of arm folding, leg twisting and staring at the carpet, which generally leads on to a discussion about what messages that posture sends out to other people - and it's "keep away because I'm not worthy".
So then I channel Adam and show them how to stand straight and strong as I have been taught. This involves Defeating the Elephant of Death and I've seen it have a very profound effect on people.
When we move from a posture that tells the world that we think we have no place in it (a closed body, looking down, arms folded - the classic "I'm shy, don't notice me") to one of strength and confidence (standing straight, shoulders back, head up, making eye contact) we ourselves feel differently. I will never forget the (very shy) lady who said, in wonderment, "It's so much easier being like this! I feel like I belong in this space and I have a right to be here". All because I had encouraged her to think about her posture.
I wonder whether the Elephant of Death is a metaphor for the fears that keep us small and looking down? After all, what's keeping us down is usually the fear that we are not worthy, or that we somehow don't belong, or that other people won't want to hear from us, or any other of the millions of reasons that we hide our true colours from the world. Once you realise that the only thing stopping you is your fear, it becomes easier to handle it. And standing up straight, grounding yourself and finding the core of strength inside you makes physiological changes that result in altered brain chemistry, so that you automatically start to FEEL braver and stronger.
And that's how you conquer the Elephant of Death - by looking him squarely in the eye and challenging him to a duel of wits. And I guarantee, if you do that, you'll win every time.
An update: adam has now read my blog, and has sent me the following:
"We probably need to amend something though, as clearly in the intensity of our semi-nirvana I've mis-stated or you've mis-heard or some mutual combination.
Uddiyana Bandha is 'The elephant that conquers death'; elephants are sacred / lucky divine in Indian thought (think Ganesha) and wouldn't be a representative of death.
So more accurately, mastering this exercise is getting Nellie on your side. There is another layer of symbolism here because of cause elephants enjoy relative longevity compared to humans.
Good practice of uddiyana lifts us up; makes us strong and foursquare under life's weight - an indefatigable pachyderm, who won't be pushed down and compressed by the burdens of daily life."
I apologise unreservedly for misrepresenting him - I have no doubt whatsoever that I misheard what he said!
Monday, 1 February 2010
On Valuing Yourself
Let's start with some rhetorical questions:
1) If you're a parent, what kind of life do you believe your children deserve? How do you whow them how much you value them?
Most loving parents desperately want their children to be happy, healthy and fulfilled, and do their utmost to make that happen. When they are little, we try to ensure they eat a good, healthy diet and get plenty of exercise. We cuddle them and read to them and play with them; we kiss it better when it hurts and we keep them safe while also giving them room to learn about risks and danger in a healthy way. As they get older, we gradually step back until they have enough space to stretch their wings and fly safely from the nest.
And as parents we know that Philip Larkin was right - despite all of our best intentions we still manage to get some stuff wrong and there will always be things that our children will hold against us. But if we've done our very best, our children will be secure in the knowledge that we value them above all else.
2) If you have a partner, what kind of life do you believe they deserve, and how do you show them how much you value them?
I believe that loving partners want only the best for each other. It's easy for that basic want to get lost in amongst the dishwashing, laundry, last-minute business trips and school holidays that make up family life, but a loving couple will still find the time somehow to look out for each other and do whatever they can to show each other they care. In my marriage, one of the ways this manifests itself is in my lovely husband bringing me tea and breakfast in bed every morning without fail (unless he's too ill to get up, which is very rare). It's only a little thing, but every morning I wake up to a reminder of how loved and valued I am - and that's not a little thing at all.
Now here comes the killer quesion: What kind of life do you think you deserve? And how do you show yourself how much you value yourself?
Do you make sure that you're happy, healthy and fulfilled? Or do your needs come at the bottom of the list, only to be tended to when you've made sure everyone else is OK? I'm not advocating becoming selfish and putting yourself first at all times, but if you always put yourself last you'll never have the energy or the time left to do yourself justice. Don't you deserve to treat yourself to the same care and compassion you give to others?
What kind of messages do you send out about yourself? If you show the world that you don't value yourself then the world will learn that you are of no value and treat you accordingly. So if your family see you always outting yourself last and not respecting yoursel, then they will learn to do the same. If you make it clear that you think your feelings and opinions are worthless, then that's what your children will learn about you - and what will they learn about themselves as a consequence?
What little things could you do, every day, to show yourself that you love and value yourself? Maybe a walk in the fresh air, with the sun on your face would do it for you. Maybe some quiet time to yourself doing exactly what you want. Here's an idea:
Take a piece of paper and write on the top "If I were to live my life as if I really valued myself, I would..."
Now make a list of all the things you would do if that were true. Make it a list of positive things, so rather than saying "I would stop doing x", say "I would start doing y".
Once you've finished your list, pick 3 things on it that are easy to achieve and commit to incorporating them into your life - starting today. Next week pick 3 more and add them in. The week after that, pick 3 more and add them in, and so on.
In a month's time, you'll be living as if you really valued yourself - and you'll be astonished by how easy it was and what a difference it's made to you and those around you. I'd love to know how you get on...
1) If you're a parent, what kind of life do you believe your children deserve? How do you whow them how much you value them?
Most loving parents desperately want their children to be happy, healthy and fulfilled, and do their utmost to make that happen. When they are little, we try to ensure they eat a good, healthy diet and get plenty of exercise. We cuddle them and read to them and play with them; we kiss it better when it hurts and we keep them safe while also giving them room to learn about risks and danger in a healthy way. As they get older, we gradually step back until they have enough space to stretch their wings and fly safely from the nest.
And as parents we know that Philip Larkin was right - despite all of our best intentions we still manage to get some stuff wrong and there will always be things that our children will hold against us. But if we've done our very best, our children will be secure in the knowledge that we value them above all else.
2) If you have a partner, what kind of life do you believe they deserve, and how do you show them how much you value them?
I believe that loving partners want only the best for each other. It's easy for that basic want to get lost in amongst the dishwashing, laundry, last-minute business trips and school holidays that make up family life, but a loving couple will still find the time somehow to look out for each other and do whatever they can to show each other they care. In my marriage, one of the ways this manifests itself is in my lovely husband bringing me tea and breakfast in bed every morning without fail (unless he's too ill to get up, which is very rare). It's only a little thing, but every morning I wake up to a reminder of how loved and valued I am - and that's not a little thing at all.
Now here comes the killer quesion: What kind of life do you think you deserve? And how do you show yourself how much you value yourself?
Do you make sure that you're happy, healthy and fulfilled? Or do your needs come at the bottom of the list, only to be tended to when you've made sure everyone else is OK? I'm not advocating becoming selfish and putting yourself first at all times, but if you always put yourself last you'll never have the energy or the time left to do yourself justice. Don't you deserve to treat yourself to the same care and compassion you give to others?
What kind of messages do you send out about yourself? If you show the world that you don't value yourself then the world will learn that you are of no value and treat you accordingly. So if your family see you always outting yourself last and not respecting yoursel, then they will learn to do the same. If you make it clear that you think your feelings and opinions are worthless, then that's what your children will learn about you - and what will they learn about themselves as a consequence?
What little things could you do, every day, to show yourself that you love and value yourself? Maybe a walk in the fresh air, with the sun on your face would do it for you. Maybe some quiet time to yourself doing exactly what you want. Here's an idea:
Take a piece of paper and write on the top "If I were to live my life as if I really valued myself, I would..."
Now make a list of all the things you would do if that were true. Make it a list of positive things, so rather than saying "I would stop doing x", say "I would start doing y".
Once you've finished your list, pick 3 things on it that are easy to achieve and commit to incorporating them into your life - starting today. Next week pick 3 more and add them in. The week after that, pick 3 more and add them in, and so on.
In a month's time, you'll be living as if you really valued yourself - and you'll be astonished by how easy it was and what a difference it's made to you and those around you. I'd love to know how you get on...
Tuesday, 26 January 2010
On Visualising Success
Blimey what a week it's been!
Last time I had time to blog I was recovering from an attack of the wobbles, and since then it's been nothing but positive (despite spending what felt like most of last weekend taking various members of the family to A&E!)
On Saturday I held the pilot of Day 1 of my True Colours Foundation Workshop, ably assisted by a group of 6 lovely people who all volunteered to be my guinea pigs for the occasion. They were incredibly generous with their feedback and evaluation and I'm reassured that, with a few very minor tweaks, I have a really strong product to offer - one of my guinea pigs referred to the workshop as a "detox for the soul" and another said it was the best personal development workshop they've ever been on - so they've even written some of my marketing for me!!
Then yesterday I spent the afternoon with an amazing young lady called Catherine Robinson. She's only 21 and already she's lived in loads of different countries and is now running her own business, Objektum Venues. Catherine's passion and values drive her business - she sets exemplary standards for herself and her clients and you know from the minute you start to talk to her that she won't let you down.
I hired Catherine to find the perfect location for my True Colours workshops. The brief I gave her was that I want my workshops to feel like a spa treatment for your insides (but without the colonic irrigation aspect!) - so if you come along to a True Colours workshop, every aspect of it should feel like a treat but one that's doing you some life-long good. To me that means discreet luxury, gorgeous surroundings, peaceful beautiful surroundings, exquisite food and, most importantly, home-made cupcakes. You should know the minute you walk through the door that you're going to be looked after and cared for, and that if the course takes you on an emotional jouney, you're in a safe place.
The venue Catherine found me is exquisite, and I knew the minute I walked through the door that it was the one for me. If you want to be one of the first to know where it is, when the workshops will run and how you can be one of the first to experience them, you'll need to subscribe to my website so that you get a copy of my newsletter - it's due out on Feb 1st...
We finished our afternoon with tea and cakes in a lovely little tea shop in Winchcombe, and Catherine so inspired me that I'm developing some of her ideas for inclusion in my work. If ever you're looking for an event manager or venue finder, do give her a go, she's fabulous and a really nice person to boot.
Last time I had time to blog I was recovering from an attack of the wobbles, and since then it's been nothing but positive (despite spending what felt like most of last weekend taking various members of the family to A&E!)
On Saturday I held the pilot of Day 1 of my True Colours Foundation Workshop, ably assisted by a group of 6 lovely people who all volunteered to be my guinea pigs for the occasion. They were incredibly generous with their feedback and evaluation and I'm reassured that, with a few very minor tweaks, I have a really strong product to offer - one of my guinea pigs referred to the workshop as a "detox for the soul" and another said it was the best personal development workshop they've ever been on - so they've even written some of my marketing for me!!
Then yesterday I spent the afternoon with an amazing young lady called Catherine Robinson. She's only 21 and already she's lived in loads of different countries and is now running her own business, Objektum Venues. Catherine's passion and values drive her business - she sets exemplary standards for herself and her clients and you know from the minute you start to talk to her that she won't let you down.
I hired Catherine to find the perfect location for my True Colours workshops. The brief I gave her was that I want my workshops to feel like a spa treatment for your insides (but without the colonic irrigation aspect!) - so if you come along to a True Colours workshop, every aspect of it should feel like a treat but one that's doing you some life-long good. To me that means discreet luxury, gorgeous surroundings, peaceful beautiful surroundings, exquisite food and, most importantly, home-made cupcakes. You should know the minute you walk through the door that you're going to be looked after and cared for, and that if the course takes you on an emotional jouney, you're in a safe place.
The venue Catherine found me is exquisite, and I knew the minute I walked through the door that it was the one for me. If you want to be one of the first to know where it is, when the workshops will run and how you can be one of the first to experience them, you'll need to subscribe to my website so that you get a copy of my newsletter - it's due out on Feb 1st...
We finished our afternoon with tea and cakes in a lovely little tea shop in Winchcombe, and Catherine so inspired me that I'm developing some of her ideas for inclusion in my work. If ever you're looking for an event manager or venue finder, do give her a go, she's fabulous and a really nice person to boot.
Wednesday, 20 January 2010
On Calming The Inner Voice
I had a bit of a wobble over the weekend.
I started finding it really difficult to switch off at nght, and found myself waking up at 4 in the morning with my head spinning with all the "stuff" I had to do, which led to getting up at silly o'clock to get work done and then fretting when I couldn't think clearly. By Monday morning I was in a bit of a state, and by Monday teatime all I wanted to do was sit in a corner and cry.
Instead of doing that, I took myself off to bed for some quiet time to think, drink tea and calm down.
I listened very hard to what was going on in my head and realised that my inner voice was chuntering away along these lines:
"You've got to think about marketing and you need a PR strategy and there's that workshop you're running on Saturday and you need to be ready for that and have you contacted the people that are coming yet and you're nearly out of business cards and you need to learn how to hold a teleseminar and it's about time you recorded another podcast and when are you going to find somewhere for your workshops and if you held a seminar would anyone come and what kind of cupcakes are you going to make and...and...and..."
It's no wonder I couldn't sleep! Once I started to pay attention to what my inner voice was saying, I immediately realised that I was stressing myself out because I had fallen into one of my usual self-inflicted bear-traps - I had got so swept up with the excitement of new things, that I'd stopped planning and prioritising, and now I couldn't see the wood for the trees.
So, instead of just letting the inner voice keep going and driving me mad, I decided to pay it some attention, and I wrote down all the things it was telling me I needed to do. This immediately helped me to feel calmer. It's like paying attention to a small child - if you ignore it it just gets more and more persistent and insistent, tugging at your sleeve, getting louder, climbing all over you until you get completely exasperated with it. If you listen to what it's saying (provided you're not in the middle of something critical) and acknowledge what it's trying to tell you, it's happy and will wander off to do something else, leaving you to concentrate on what you were doing.
So I acknowledged my inner voice, recognising that, in this instance, it was trying to help me. Once I'd written down all the things it was reminding me about, I was able to prioritise them and recognise that actually only a very few need my attention this week, and the rest could wait. Another huge weight off my shoulders, and a lessening of my stress.
And then, of course, I acknowledged that what I need is to draw up a plan and stick to it, rather than getting carried away with things and wanting to do it all now. And how those of you that used to work with me will be laughing now, famous as I was for chafing against the need to be tied down by plans!
Well, you live and learn. I don't want to allow myself to get panicky and anxious in my new life - I know it's inevitable that there will be some stress, but I'm not going to let it take over as I have before. I've done pretty well so far, and I think this weekend was the first time I've felt anything other than exhilarated since I gave my notice in back in October. Maybe I was due for a reminder that you can't expect to run on exhilaration without getting exhausted, and that I need to take some time to relax every once in a while?
I
I started finding it really difficult to switch off at nght, and found myself waking up at 4 in the morning with my head spinning with all the "stuff" I had to do, which led to getting up at silly o'clock to get work done and then fretting when I couldn't think clearly. By Monday morning I was in a bit of a state, and by Monday teatime all I wanted to do was sit in a corner and cry.
Instead of doing that, I took myself off to bed for some quiet time to think, drink tea and calm down.
I listened very hard to what was going on in my head and realised that my inner voice was chuntering away along these lines:
"You've got to think about marketing and you need a PR strategy and there's that workshop you're running on Saturday and you need to be ready for that and have you contacted the people that are coming yet and you're nearly out of business cards and you need to learn how to hold a teleseminar and it's about time you recorded another podcast and when are you going to find somewhere for your workshops and if you held a seminar would anyone come and what kind of cupcakes are you going to make and...and...and..."
It's no wonder I couldn't sleep! Once I started to pay attention to what my inner voice was saying, I immediately realised that I was stressing myself out because I had fallen into one of my usual self-inflicted bear-traps - I had got so swept up with the excitement of new things, that I'd stopped planning and prioritising, and now I couldn't see the wood for the trees.
So, instead of just letting the inner voice keep going and driving me mad, I decided to pay it some attention, and I wrote down all the things it was telling me I needed to do. This immediately helped me to feel calmer. It's like paying attention to a small child - if you ignore it it just gets more and more persistent and insistent, tugging at your sleeve, getting louder, climbing all over you until you get completely exasperated with it. If you listen to what it's saying (provided you're not in the middle of something critical) and acknowledge what it's trying to tell you, it's happy and will wander off to do something else, leaving you to concentrate on what you were doing.
So I acknowledged my inner voice, recognising that, in this instance, it was trying to help me. Once I'd written down all the things it was reminding me about, I was able to prioritise them and recognise that actually only a very few need my attention this week, and the rest could wait. Another huge weight off my shoulders, and a lessening of my stress.
And then, of course, I acknowledged that what I need is to draw up a plan and stick to it, rather than getting carried away with things and wanting to do it all now. And how those of you that used to work with me will be laughing now, famous as I was for chafing against the need to be tied down by plans!
Well, you live and learn. I don't want to allow myself to get panicky and anxious in my new life - I know it's inevitable that there will be some stress, but I'm not going to let it take over as I have before. I've done pretty well so far, and I think this weekend was the first time I've felt anything other than exhilarated since I gave my notice in back in October. Maybe I was due for a reminder that you can't expect to run on exhilaration without getting exhausted, and that I need to take some time to relax every once in a while?
I
Monday, 18 January 2010
On Asking for More Help
The campaign to ask for quotes is picking up - since I last blogged I've sent 3 more emails and with the help of my lovely husband and our best friend I now have a long list of people I want to contact.
I also had a comment from Rachel on my last post which has really made me think. Rachel offered to supply me with a quote herself, on the basis that she has a book that she's trying to have published, so although she's not famous now, she might be by the time my book is complete.
And I suddenly thought - why do we concentrate on what people in the public eye think? There are an awful lot of people out there whose ideas and opinions are equally as valid and inspiring but who we never hear from
So I've expanded my thinking about what this book will contain. I'm going to continue my campaign to get quotes from the famous on the importance of living an authentic life and showing the world your true colours, but I'm also going to include contributions from people who aren't in the public eye.
And this is where I need your help.
I want to know who, in your life, inspires you because they are living/lived an authentic life. It doesn't matter who they are or what they do/did for a living, I want to know how their true colours have made an impact on those around them.
Please either add a comment to this post or email me at colourfulcoaching@ymail.com and put Book Quote in the subject line. I promise I'll use every quote I get and every contributor will receive a copy of the book when it's ready.
Once you've made your contribution, please pass on the details of this project to everyone you know - I'd really love to make this a global project, and have contributions from every continent - let's see what the power of the web can do!
I'll keep you posted on how it's going - thanks for your support!
I also had a comment from Rachel on my last post which has really made me think. Rachel offered to supply me with a quote herself, on the basis that she has a book that she's trying to have published, so although she's not famous now, she might be by the time my book is complete.
And I suddenly thought - why do we concentrate on what people in the public eye think? There are an awful lot of people out there whose ideas and opinions are equally as valid and inspiring but who we never hear from
So I've expanded my thinking about what this book will contain. I'm going to continue my campaign to get quotes from the famous on the importance of living an authentic life and showing the world your true colours, but I'm also going to include contributions from people who aren't in the public eye.
And this is where I need your help.
I want to know who, in your life, inspires you because they are living/lived an authentic life. It doesn't matter who they are or what they do/did for a living, I want to know how their true colours have made an impact on those around them.
Please either add a comment to this post or email me at colourfulcoaching@ymail.com and put Book Quote in the subject line. I promise I'll use every quote I get and every contributor will receive a copy of the book when it's ready.
Once you've made your contribution, please pass on the details of this project to everyone you know - I'd really love to make this a global project, and have contributions from every continent - let's see what the power of the web can do!
I'll keep you posted on how it's going - thanks for your support!
Friday, 15 January 2010
On Being Bold and Asking for What You Want
Two days away from work, doing family things has given me time to think, and has allowed the Universe to do its thing and send me things to think about. And the message from the universe is, in a nutshell, "Think Big and Ask for What You Want".
Firstly, there was a conversation in the car with my lovely daughter (here's a photo of her so you can see how utterly gorgeous she is as well as brilliant) while I was driving her back to Uni. She is firmly of the opinion that I should be contacting the national media about Colourful Coaching, and offering them the opportunity to get in at the ground floor by supporting me as I build the business. This is a novel thought, as I had thought of approaching the media and then shied away, thinking that they wouldn't be interested in little old me. She's quite fierce when roused, is my girl (chip off the old block, some might say....) and she was adamant that I should think like a man and ask for what I want. As she says, the worst that can happen is that they'll say no, and I won't be any worse off than I am now.
This coincided with a tweet from the amazing and inspiring Deborah Stewart. She had retweeted someone else's tweet (are you still with me?) that said "Ask ask ask ask. Your success depends on your willingness to ASK".
And then, while browsing in a charity bookshop yesterday, I came across a fabulous little book called "Whatever You Think, Think the Opposite" by Paul Arden, which is all about how, if you think differently about things, you're going to get a different and probably better result than you would if you carried on thinking about things the same way everyone else does.
Hmmm, I'm thinking. Hmmm....someone's trying to tell me something.
And then I thought of Damian Hughes...if you don't know about him, do look him up, he's one of the people that inspired me to go it alone and he's also a shining example of someone who decided what he wanted and then didn't stop asking for it until he got it.
So what effect has all this had? Well, today I have emailed the following people to ask them for a quote on the importance of living an authentic life and showing the world your True Colours:
- Damian Hughes
- Zandra Rhodes
- Chris Evans
Onwards and Upwards!!
Quick update - since I wrote the first bit, I've also contacted 2 major magazines and offered myself as a contributor. Watch this space....
Tuesday, 12 January 2010
On Turning Molehills into Mountains...and back again
Isn't it funny how sometimes it's the simplest things that we turn into huge, unwieldy obstacles? I'm finding any excuse to avoid picking up the phone and calling people I've met at networking events - even though when I met them in person I had no trouble striking up a conversation and getting on very well with them. I know I need to follow up on last week's mailshot and I even know what I want to say, and yet still I'm finding reasons not to pick up the phone. Even writing this blog now is a form of procrastination!
But wait, maybe I can use the blog to coach myself over the blockage? It kind of worked last time, after all. OK then, first question:
I think I'm just going to bite the bullet and ring someone, get it over with, and then report back. That way I'll have achieved half of my goal already, and I'll have some feedback for myself. Right here goes...
Ok - I've made 2 calls because I only got voicemail for the first one (but I left a message!). From the second call, I gathered the information that last week's mailshot hadn't reached it's intended recipient - must follow that one up and see if any of the other ones have got lost - but once I'd explained what was in it, I was invited to send some details in as they are, right this minute, drawing up their learning and development plan for 2010 and would like to make some room for me in it. Woohoo!
So, off to send an email to my contact, and then, who knows, I may REALLY overachieve, and make another phone call!!
Onwards and upwards...
But wait, maybe I can use the blog to coach myself over the blockage? It kind of worked last time, after all. OK then, first question:
- what's going on in my head right now?
- and what else?
- and what else?
- so what would be a more helpful vision of success?
- OK, so today you'll call 2 people you've met before, to make sure they got your mailshot and to tell them about a couple of new products you're offering. What do you want to leave them thinking after the conversation?
- So basically this call is to prompt them into thinking about using your services?
- What does pushy mean to you?
- That sounds like a list of negatives. Are they always negative qualities as far as you're concerned?
I think I'm just going to bite the bullet and ring someone, get it over with, and then report back. That way I'll have achieved half of my goal already, and I'll have some feedback for myself. Right here goes...
Ok - I've made 2 calls because I only got voicemail for the first one (but I left a message!). From the second call, I gathered the information that last week's mailshot hadn't reached it's intended recipient - must follow that one up and see if any of the other ones have got lost - but once I'd explained what was in it, I was invited to send some details in as they are, right this minute, drawing up their learning and development plan for 2010 and would like to make some room for me in it. Woohoo!
- So, what have you learnt as a result of that exercise?
So, off to send an email to my contact, and then, who knows, I may REALLY overachieve, and make another phone call!!
Onwards and upwards...
Monday, 11 January 2010
On Movement in Stillness
I've been thinking a lot about something my yoga teacher said the other day - although it might look like you're keeping still in a pose, within that stillness there should be movement as the aim is always to be stretching and deepening.
There's a clear link for me there with my coaching practice. One of the things it's taken me years to learn (and I've not finished learning, it's going to be a life-long process!) is to be quiet and let the silence grow. A powerful coaching question will always lead to a silence on the part of the client, and you can always tell when there's movement within that silence, when the client's mind is firing off on all cylinders. That's the point when it's crucial for the coach to be still and quiet and leave the space free for the client's mind to expand into.
As I said, it's going to be a lifelong learning process for me, learning to shut up, and I've come a long way from where I used to be (when I first started to learn about coaching I used to sit with my hand over my mouth to remind me!). Some days it comes more easily than others, and I find it easier to stay silent with some clients than with others. Just like yoga really, some poses I can relax and stretch into, some make me fall over!
There's a clear link for me there with my coaching practice. One of the things it's taken me years to learn (and I've not finished learning, it's going to be a life-long process!) is to be quiet and let the silence grow. A powerful coaching question will always lead to a silence on the part of the client, and you can always tell when there's movement within that silence, when the client's mind is firing off on all cylinders. That's the point when it's crucial for the coach to be still and quiet and leave the space free for the client's mind to expand into.
As I said, it's going to be a lifelong learning process for me, learning to shut up, and I've come a long way from where I used to be (when I first started to learn about coaching I used to sit with my hand over my mouth to remind me!). Some days it comes more easily than others, and I find it easier to stay silent with some clients than with others. Just like yoga really, some poses I can relax and stretch into, some make me fall over!
Friday, 8 January 2010
On Inspiration
Yesterday was an inspiring day, thanks to the following 3 people:
First of all there's Sharon Gaskin, founder of The Trainers Training Company and all round Good Egg. I first came across Sharon when she gave a presentation at a meeting of the Gloucester Coaches Network shortly before Christmas. I found what she had to say really useful,and she had a major effect on my approach to building my business - if you're sick of seeing me on Twitter, blame Sharon :-)
Yesterday, one of Sharon's tweets introduced me to Nicola Bird, founder of Take Action, Get Clients and creator of a fantastic-looking online coaching tool called JigsawBox, which I hope to be able to use in the not-too-distant future. Nicola has provided a free download of a document which I used yesterday to help me to draw up a MUCH more sensible and focused business plan than the one I had originally, and which will, in tandem with Sharon's advice, enable me to realise my ambitions for Colourful Coaching.
Last but by no means least, a few weeks ago I joined an online network for women in business called Business Women's Cafe. Through that, I became aware of a new magazine that a truly inspiring lady called Lisa Mundembe is setting up. This is a direct quote from Lisa that explains what the magazine is all about:
There are so many generous, inspiring people out there and I've only mentioned 3 - I'd love to know who inspires you...
First of all there's Sharon Gaskin, founder of The Trainers Training Company and all round Good Egg. I first came across Sharon when she gave a presentation at a meeting of the Gloucester Coaches Network shortly before Christmas. I found what she had to say really useful,and she had a major effect on my approach to building my business - if you're sick of seeing me on Twitter, blame Sharon :-)
Yesterday, one of Sharon's tweets introduced me to Nicola Bird, founder of Take Action, Get Clients and creator of a fantastic-looking online coaching tool called JigsawBox, which I hope to be able to use in the not-too-distant future. Nicola has provided a free download of a document which I used yesterday to help me to draw up a MUCH more sensible and focused business plan than the one I had originally, and which will, in tandem with Sharon's advice, enable me to realise my ambitions for Colourful Coaching.
Last but by no means least, a few weeks ago I joined an online network for women in business called Business Women's Cafe. Through that, I became aware of a new magazine that a truly inspiring lady called Lisa Mundembe is setting up. This is a direct quote from Lisa that explains what the magazine is all about:
The vision of Inspirational Magazine is to help people to know that there is hope after or during their encounters, that they are capable of still living their dream even though they went through what they went through and for some are still going through what they are going through, that we all have a destiny, we all have talents, dreams/vision and that we can achieve more than we actually think we can if we are determined, dedicated and believe. Inspirational Magazine aims at building individuals, developing individuals, encouraging individuals, challenging individuals, be a positive read to readers and inspiring individuals through real life experiences, real life stories, motivational messages, inspirational articles, encouraging messages/articles including articles that you can learn one or two things from that will be in the magazine.I read the first edition online, and liked it so much I submitted an article based on my recent blog post about facing your fears. Lisa called me yesterday to say thank you - and we ended up agreeing that I would contribute a series of monthly articles to Inspirational Magazine, the first hard copy issue if which is currently at the printers. Having heard Lisa's story, and the conviction she has about what she's doing, I can only admire her and urge her to succeed. If her plan succeeds, you should soon be seeing copies of Inspirational Magazine appearing in a supermarket near you - please give it and Lisa your support.
There are so many generous, inspiring people out there and I've only mentioned 3 - I'd love to know who inspires you...
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