Stories From The Colourful Coach

On Moving On...

2010-06-07T09:24:00.002+01:00

My blog has now moved over to Wordpress - you can find it here from now on.

On What I've Been Up To Of Late...

2010-06-02T11:46:00.007+01:00

I've been lying low recently, keeping away from Twitter, Facebook and this Blog, and people have started to ask me what 's going on. Well, one of the reasons is that I've spent far too long hunched over my netbook and consequently given myself an enormous amount of back and shoulder trouble. I made a conscious decision about a month ago to keep away from it until I had a proper office set up with a seating position that would protect my posture and allow me to uncurl myself (my lovely husband said I was looking increasingly like a vulture hunched over my prey!).

I now have a glorious new office with a proper desk, PC and ergonomically designed chair so things aren't anything like as uncomfortable as they were. I am though still suffering from the long term effects of how I used to work so I'm rationing the time I spend at my computer and trying various therapies to rid myself of the pain.

At the same time, I've been working hard developing my new brand and refocussing what I'm doing. My excitement is mounting as the time comes to go live with everything and I'm going to share with you now some of what I've been up to and why.

First up, why the rebrand? To cut a long story short, it's because someone else has trademarked "Colourful Coaching" and it's easier and cheaper if I move away from that brand rather than trying to have a fight over it. So, although my company will still be called Colourful Coaching Ltd, from now on I shall be trading and branded as "Colour In Your Thinking" - because that's what I do, I help you to colour in your thinking and change the way you view yourself and your world from black and white into full, glorious colour. Here's a sneak preview of my new logo in action...

Colour In Your Thinking has 2 strands, Colour in Your Life and Colour In Your Business and I'm currently developing a range of products for my niche markets within those 2 strands. Identifying my niche markets has been something I've been working on for some time now, having realised that all those people telling me I needed to do so were right - no matter how much I want to go out there and help the whole wide world, I can't. So, I'm sticking to what I know and I've defined my niche markets as:

working mums (been there, done that)
students (currently supporting my kids and their friends who are going through uni)
small business owners (being there, doing that!)

Supporting people in each of these niches is something I feel passionately about, because I have direct experience of what it's like and I have skills and knowledge that I can use to help people currently going through it.

So, what's on offer? Well, one of the things I'm most excited about is my online coaching packages which will be going live very soon. They're currently being pilot tested by some lovely volunteers, and the feedback I'm getting is great.

So what is online coaching? Basically it's a software package (I'm using one called JigsawBox, which was developed by an excellent lady called Nicola Bird) that allows me to deliver any number of different coaching programmes. Each programme consists of a number of different modules which are made up of some theory and background on the subject of that module, followed by a series of coaching questions for you to answer. When you sign up for a programme you get access to a new module every month and all you have to do is work through the questions as directed by me as your coach. I'll be able to monitor your progress and once a week I'll respond on-line to the work you've done that week, following up your input with questions, suggestions for action and information I think you might find helpful. My responses will be unique to you and will be based on what you've told me, so you'll be getting completely personal support.

Each programme contains a number of different packages, based on your needs and your budget. Whichever package you choose, you can be assured that you’ll get my personal attention and a truly personal coaching experience.

I'm delighted to be able to offer online coaching as part of the mix, and here's why:

it's much more cost-effective for my clients - my basic packages will cost you less than one hour of my face-to-face time, and we'll be able to cover much more ground
you get far more time to reflect and think in depth about the answer to a question. Several of my guinea pigs have already commented on how much they like this aspect as it makes them consider things so much more
once you start answering the questions in your chosen package, it instantly becomes a personal, one-to-one coaching session, just as it would be if we were face to face.
both you as the client and I as the coach can choose the time that's most appropriate for us to do this work. We don't have to be in the same place, time or even time zone to work together and we can fit it in around our other commitments
our coaching conversations remain available for you to go over as often as you want. It's easy for you to go back and remind yourself what you said you would do, so you can't "forget" about your actions, and you can track your own progress and see how far you've come in your "colouring in"
the software is really easy to use - if you're reading this blog you can cope with online coaching!

If this has whetted your appetite and you want to see how online coaching works, then sign up here to join in with my teleseminar on June 24th when I'll be showing you exactly what online coaching is all about, how easy it is to use and introducing you to my new packages.

I'll be back in a few days to tell you more about what I'm up to...

On Meeting Your Moomins

2010-04-26T10:08:00.004+01:00

On Saturday I held a follow-up session with some of the delegates from my first True Colours workshop. We came together to explore what was different for them in their lives since we last met, and to look at some more techniques that could help them to continue to build their confidence and live more fulfilling lives.

I was delighted to hear of their progress, and equally delighted about how enthusiastic they were to do more work - to the extent that one of them suggested a whole new exercise, and invited me to join in! The results were astounding, and I've decided to share them here.

We had been talking about Gremlins. Gremlins are the unhelpful aspects of your inner voice, and they can lead you into repeating patterns of self-defeating behaviour but giving you messages that make you get in your own way. Gremlins start out with the intention of being helpful but they end up getting it wrong, either by cropping up at unhelpful times, or by telling us the wrong things - as an example, one of my Gremlins for years was "Little Miss Itstoo Scary" - she was trying to keep me safe and prepared for risks, but what she actually did was to hold me back from ever trying anything that had even the slightest element of risk attached. Once I's identified her and realised how she was trying to help, I've been able to tell her she can have a rest now, as I'm capable of assessing risks and making my own decisions - and if you've read previous posts here, you'll know that overcoming fears has been a big thing for me of late!

On Saturday, after we'd all talked about our own Gremlins, one of my participants asked if there was a positive version of Gremlins, in other words, the inner voices that are helpful and lead you into positive behaviours. We all quickly decided that if there aren't, there should be - and we decided to discover our own, me included.

We agreed to call our positive Gremlins Moomins. (The Moomins are the central characters in a series of books and a comic strip by Swedish-Finn illustrator and writer Tove Jansson. We felt that they were emblematic of what positive Gremlins were all about). As we took a little time to discover our Moomins, I watched the smiles break out on people's faces, turning into broad grins as we settled on the ones we liked best. Then it was time to share.

My Moomins, I decided, are as follows:

Happy Moomin - Happy Moomin is on a bouncy castle. She's exuberant, childlike, excitable and enthusiastic, and she loves to encourage playfulness in others. Every time she bounces, she sees the world from a new and different perspective and that leads her to all sorts of new ideas and new discoveries.

Loving Moomin - Loving Moomin is carrying a huge platter of food that she's just prepared specifically so that she can nurture those around her. She's warm, affectionate and generous and takes great pleasure in the successes and triumphs of those around her.

Intrepid Moomin - Intrepid Moomin wears a pith helmet and carries a machete so that he can slash through the jungly undergrowth, making new paths for himself and the ones that come behind him. He's bold, brave and questing.

As we all shared our Moomins, so we all came to share in each others' delight at celebrating the positive aspects of our natures, and we finsihed Saturday's session on a real high. I've been thinking about my Moomins, and my delegates' Moomins, all weekend, and now I'd really like to know about other Moomins. So, if you'd like to join in and share you Moomins with me and the rest of the world, please add your comment below!

On Having An Empty Nest

2010-04-19T09:15:00.003+01:00

This has been a momentous weekend for me, as my son has left home to live with his girlfriend and my daughter has gone back to Uni after her Easter Holidays. My nest is finally empty, just over 20 years since my first chick hatched.

So how is it? Very odd, is the answer. Half of me feels very proud of having done my job well and raised 2 fabulous people who are now carving out their own lives, doing what they want to do and biting great chunks out of life. When I think back to myself at their age, there's no comparison. I didn't go to University because I was too scared, and that fear of the unknown has held me back all my life - until last year, when I finally broke free. That's almost 30 years of being ruled by fear! In contrast, nothing seems to set my children back and from my observation, the vast majority of their generation seem to have the same outlook - that life is for living and all you need is some determination.

The other half of me can't quite believe that I no longer have to be a full-time Mum, ie think for other people and make sure everything's all right for them. Obviously that side of things has taken a back seat in comparison to how it was when they were little but as every Mum knows, you never really stop thinking like that. I've found that out of sight is out of mind as far as my daughter is concerned, so when she's at University it doesn't occur to me to worry about how she's doing - I know she's capable and having a good time but what time she comes in at night (or doesn't), how much she's drinking and whether she's eating healthily is no longer my concern so I don't think about it. I know she's sensible and I know she's focused on her future, so why would I worry? She's an adult, making her way in the world.

The same will be true of my son, once I've got over the sudden absence of him. He's a big personality and he's much taller than me, so when he's there he's very much THERE and at the moment it feels very odd that he's not THERE any more. I find myself thinking a lot at the moment about when he was a baby and a toddler. I also find I'm thinking about the times when I was overwhelmed by the demands of raising 2 children with only 17 months between them, suffering from depression and becoming a single mother. There were times when I thought life would always be that hard and that I would never have my own self and my own life back. The good news for anyone currently in that position is that it DOES get better and you DO get your own life back - mine's been coming back to me for years now, and last year was the culmination of it. And now that my nest is empty, the sky really is the limit!

So despite the pangs, I'm choosing to see this time as a reward for all the hard work I've put in over the last 20 years. I gave my kids roots, and now I've given them wings and they're flying high. Good for them. My own tether has got looser and looser over the last few years and now I too can take to the skies, knowing that I've shed the fear monster from my back so I'm lighter than I've ever been. There's a world of opportunities out there, and I'm going to grab them!

On Being In the Moment

2010-04-12T15:02:00.002+01:00

I used to be someone who could never live in the moment. Wherever I was, whatever I was doing, I would always have at least half my mind somewhere else, thinking about something else. I found it incredibly difficult to just "BE" and would feel physically uncomfortable if I had to sit around for any longer than a couple of minutes without something to read. I never realised that this was doing me any harm, and I certainly never realised that I was missing out on some of the best things in life, simply by not allowing myself to notice them.

I'm a different woman now though, and one of my greatest pleasures is to really take in what's going on around me. I've found that this leads me to a great and deep sense of inner peace, but I also know that it's only possible (for me, at least) because by and large I have come to a point where I am accepting of who I am. That acceptance means that I no longer have to try to run away from my thoughts and feelings, and that's what gives me the space to look outside.

This weekend is a case in point. My lovely husband Peter and I have had the most glorious weekend in our campervan, not doing very much but enjoying every minute. There were hot air balloons to watch, birds to listen to, new leaves and blossom to enjoy, warm sunshine to appreciate and all the smells of springtime. There was also peacefulness, togetherness, quiet affection, back rubs and the strengthening of the already strong bond between us - all done mostly wordlessly because words weren't necessary. As Peter says, "Simple Pleasures".

Simple Pleasures are Peter's version of my #happies and both come about only when you're able to be wholly in the moment. That means not fretting about what might be, what has been or what won't be, but rather focussing entirely on the here and now. Using all of your senses to tune in to whatever's around you, and noticing the good things.

How much of your time do you spend in the moment, and how much do you spend worrying about other things?

How would it be if you allowed yourself a little time each day to sit back and metaphorically smell the roses?

I wonder what good things you might start to notice about your life as a result?

Do let me know...

On: 10 things that make me happy

2010-04-07T15:40:00.003+01:00

Funny how the universe provides: I've been mimsying around thinking "I must blog about something but there's so much to talk about I don't know where to start" and then the lovely Kate Griffiths tagged me in her blog and asked me to continue the meme, 10 things that make me happy.

I've already written about happies, so this is something that's dear to my heart. The only trouble I foresee is narrowing ot down to 10. Here goes (in no particular order):

Diana & Jamie
My lovely husband Peter and I found a card in a local shop asking for someone to walk the dog for an elderly lady. She's now become a member of our extended family and we visit her 3 times a week, ostensibly to walk Jamie (a Yorkshire terrier) but also to have tea, cake and a good old natter with Diana. She's 95 and although she's not very mobile, can't hear very well and her eyesight is failing, she still lives independantly and is a fantastic conversationalist. I love going to see them because Jamie turns himself inside out with delight whenever he sees Peter, and Diana is always pleased to see us and thrilled to hear about what we've been up to. Watching the wind blow Jamie's fur back when he and Peter run across the playing field together, seeing his obvious delight in visitors and his care and affection for Diana is amazing, and tops up my happy-meter on a regular basis.
Word-Play
I like a good euphemism, and for years now we've been collecting phrases that sound like they should be euphemisms. It started when my daughter was learning to play the trumpet and excused herself from the dinner table one day by saying "Please can I get down, I need to go and grease my valves". It's only got worse since then! Language fascinates me and I love puns and plays on words - particularly good ones can leave me snorting with helpless laughter...
Silliness
...as can a healthy dose of silliness. I'm very proud to have raised to adulthood 2 very fine offspring who are not only clean, polite and responsible, but who also have an almost endless capacity for silliness. I feel sorry for people who don't have any silliness in their lives, I think it's essential.
Beaches in Winter
Sunbathing's all very well, but give me a slightly faded British seaside town out of season every time. Places like Ilfracombe, Hunstanton or Largs, that were in their heyday in the 1950s or earlier. I like a walk along the Promenade, a tour of the funny little shops and museums you get in towns like that, a cup of tea and a bun in a chintzy little tea shop. Bliss.
Snuggling
I'm a great fan of the snuggle, and luckily so is Peter. Sunday afternoons in winter were designed to be spent snuggled up together under a blanket watching a black and white film. We once spent an entire weekend when the weather was foul, tucked up in bed with a succession of pots of tea, reading our way through Elizabeth Jane Howard's 4-book Cazalet Saga. Snuggling, cuddling and all other forms of gentle physical affection are essential to keep my soul healthy and happy.
Shoes
Ah, shoes. It is a great sadness to me that I can no longer wear heels as my shoe collection used to be something that gave me great pleasure. I was once stopped on the stairs of an office buiilding by an American gentleman with whom I had been previously unacquainted, who grabbed my arm and just said "Oh, wow, hey - Great Shoes!" And then smiled and went on his way! Sadly, I've had to pass all my heels on to my daughter, (she is now probably the best shod student in Oxford and uses her book shelves as display units for her shoes) and now I treat visits to glorious shoe shops like trips to art galleries and museums - I go to marvel and wonder at the beauties on display, knowing that I can never take them home with me but that my soul has been nourished by being in their proximity...
Singing Very Loudly
In the car, in the shower, while cooking - nothing gets those old dolphins (endorphins, see what I did there?) swimming around like a good sing-song. If I'm in the car with my son we'll put on show tunes or Abba or 80s hits or rock ballads and sing our way to wherever we're going, making sure we get the harmonies right. If I'm alone I'll sing to whatever's on the radio and by the time I've got to my destination I'm happy as Larry.
Cake
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, cake. I come from a long line of excellent bakers, and I'm proud to say that I've inherited their talent as have BOTH of my offspring. Nigella's Domestic Goddess book is very well thumbed and stained, as is the Hummingbird Bakery cookbook my Mum gave me for Christmas. Cake, I feel, is the answer to all of life's problems - if the Israelis and the Palestinians could be persuaded to bake each other their old family cake recipes I reckon they'd find out they've got an awful lot in common. Cake is exquisite cooked and raw, in all its various guises, and I've never met a cake I didn't like.
Toast
And toast is almost the perfect comfort food. It's one of the irrisitible smells of life and I reckon the smell of toast is even more potent than the smell of bacon sandwiches. The smell takes me back to childhood, as does the taste. I can always find room for a slice or two of toast, and when combined with snuggling and our campervan, it's a little bit of heaven on earth.
Our Campervan
I'm hugging myself mentally just thinking about it! My lovely husband and I are taking off in it at the weekend and we shall camp up near the canal and spend the weekend snuggling, reading, drinking endless cups of tea, watching the ducks float past and generally chilling. It's a total escape from the rest of the world and it's just for us.

So there we are, 10 things that make me happy. I hereby nominate the following lovely people to tell us about 10 things that make them happy and keep the meme alive:

@rachelcotterill because she is a generally amazing and inspiring person and will have something very interesting to say

@happy_food who understands the critical importance of cake

@daisydaisy66 who is reawakening with the spring

@porridgebrain who writes beautifully and needs a laugh

and YOU, if you want to join in - add a comment here or tweet me to let me know!

On What I've Been Up To

2010-03-15T18:14:00.005Z

I'm getting far too sporadic with this blog. I keep doing interesting things and meeting interesting people, and each time I do I think "ooh, I must blog about that" and then I'm on to the next interesting thing and the moment has passed. So I think this will have to be a round up of various interesting things I've been up to of late. OK, so, where to start...

March 5th - I recorded my first ever teleseminar! I'm dead proud of this, I must say. I coped with the technology, having been helped over my intitial panic that nothing appeared to be working by the ever wise Sharon Gaskin, and once I got into it I really enjoyed it. I did make it easy on myself by making sure no-one could interrupt, so next time I shall be bolder and make it an interactive session, which will be fun. I had some really generous and positive comments from listeners which bucked me up no end. If you didn't get a chance to listen to it at the time, I've now saved it and loaded it up as a podcast, so you can listen to it any time by just clicking on this link.

March 8th - I went to the Women Unlimited Conference held at the British Library Conference Centre. A very tiring but excellent day, with some fabulous, inspiring speakers and lots of lovely entrepreneuses. I never knew all this sort of stuff went on before! What a fabulous way to spend International Women's Day!

March 9th - went to my first 4N event as a paid up member. I've been looking for a networking group that felt right for me, and I went to my first ever 4N on March 2nd. I'd seen lots of references to it on Twitter, and then had it recommended to me by a member, so I thought I'd give it a try. I felt immediately at home on my first visit, so much so that I joined the minute I got home, parting with cash and everything! I really like the unstuffy atmosphere, the lack of rules and the fact that you can go to 4N meetings wherever you happen to be. I've met some really nice people and have booked myself in to attend an average of 2 meetings a week from now on.
From there, I went to the launch of the 30:30 Big Wig's Challenge in aid of the Sue Ryder Care Hospice in Leckhampton, Cheltenham. This is a fund-raising venture which aims to raise £30,000 between now and the end of July. You can see what I'm doing to help out here - please give generously!
And that evening, I had a fantastic session with a client, who has uncovered what she really wants to do with her life as a direct result of the work we've been doing together - we both left the session on a real high as a result.

March 10th - to Surrey to visit another client - it was a beautiful (if flipping cold) day and I took advantage of the fact that I had no other appointments that day to take the scenic route and enjoy the drive. The coaching session went really well again, and I went home thrilled that I'm able to spend my time doing something so fulfilling and rewarding. I'm contiunually struck by what a privilege it is to be allowed to listen as people explore their deepest fears and feelings.

March 11th was a Birthday in our house, so not much work was done, but there was a lot of feasting and celebrating. I did have a lovely long chat with Kate Griffiths, who I've met on Twitter, and as a result we've decided to provide a sort of mentoring service for each other, so that's good!

March 12th - my first ever interview with the press! I met a lovely lady called Caroline Fisher, who writes for the Gloucestershire Echo amongst others. I think the interview went well, and we seemed to get on like a house on fire, so now I'm waiting to see the result in print. I took advantage of the opportunity to slip her a copy of my book wot I wrote - I've had some lovely reactions to it so far, and I'm hoping she'll think it's worth a mention.

And in amongst all that I've been tweeting, facebooking, collectring new subscribers for my newsletter, writing articles for various magazines, and being a wife, a daughter and a mother. Blimey. It's no wonder I'm tired!

On My Adventures In The Big City

2010-03-05T11:19:00.002Z

Yesterday I went to London for the day. I had 3 meetings arranged: one chemistry meeting with a prospective client, one coaching session with an existing client, and one catch up with a dear friend who was going to give me a tour of her husband's art exhibition. I had arranged the first and last meetings around the middle one, to make the most of the day, and decided to let National Express take the strain.

So, up early to catch the 0810 coach, we left the house at 0730 on the basis that it would take half an hour to walk to the coach stop and I don't like to be late. My lovely husband accompanied me as it was on his way to work. We walked so fast it took all of 10 minutes to get to the bust stop, which left me with a half hour wait for the coach! And boy, was it cold yesterday morning! Still, never mind, I was wrapped up in coat and gloves, and it would only be half an hour.

Or would it? 0810 came and went with no sign of a coach. Then at 0817 I spied it, a big, white National Express coach zooming round the roundabout, approaching the bus stop ..... and zooming straight past with the driver looking fixedly ahead, CLEARLY ignoring my frantic attempts to flag her down. I was dumbfounded. Clearly she was late, but that was no excuse for failing to stop.

Luckily a local bus was right behind, and I thought if I hopped on that I could catch up with the coach at the next stop in town. But look! I have no money on me!! How sensible am I?!

So I rang my lovely husband and asked him to come out and meet me at the gates to his work, and bring me some money. Which he did, bless him. Then he walked me to the nearest bus stop where, as luck would have it, a bus was just about to pull in. As lovely husband turned away, railing at the uselessness of National Express and exhorting me to ring them and complain, what did I espy but a National Express coach creeping up behind the local bus. And, would you believe it, when I checked my ticket, this one actually had the right service number on it, unlike (I now realised) the one that had zoomed past me....

I was now at the wrong bus stop, but I leapt out into the road waving my ticket and holding up traffic while trying to get the coach driver to let me on board. Which he did, very grumpily and probably against the rules, but boy was I grateful!! What a good job he was half an hour late, or I'd never have caught him!!

Once I'd settled in I rang my husband to let him know, but his phone was engaged, so I checked my emails instead. There was one cancelling my first meeting, for a very good reason it has to be said. Just then my husband rang to tell me about the argument he'd just had with someone at National Express's head office and what a shower they were and how angry he was at their poor service. How he laughed when I told him about my mix up with the coaches, and how I was now on the right one! Ha!

The journey was largely uneventful, apart from the WiFi not working and the electrical socket that I'd plugged my laptop into not having any power. As we sat in a traffic jam outside Buckingham Palace I reflected on how lucky it was that my morning meeting had been cancelled, as we were so late that I wouldn't have made it anyhow.

We finally made it to Victoria and I had plenty of time to get my Oyster card, buy some lunch and saunter on to the underground to get to my next appointment. I would even have time for a cup of tea somewhere when I go to my destination. I was buoyed up by having taken a call from a journalist wanting to interview me for a feature article next week - it was a lovely day, I wasn't in a rush, all was good.

A few stops from my destination, the phone rang. My client said "I don't know how to tell me this, but..." he had a family emergency that required his immediate attention. I managed to hold off with the hysterical laughter till I got off the phone, convincing him that he didn't need to feel guilty and it wasn't a problem. I rang my lovely husband and we had a chortle together - and then I noticed we were pulling into what had been my destination and if I didn't get off there, I'd end up who knows where.

Off I got, crossed the footbridge over to the other platform and ate my lunch while freezing my bits off waiting 20 minutes for a train back in the other direction. While there I had a sudden panic - was I meeting my friend in Kingston or Richmond? Was she going to cancel on me too? How did one get to Kingston or Richmond from where I was?

Thankfully she texted me right back - I was going to Kingston, she wasn't going to cancel, and she could meet me earlier than planned. Apart from then passing through various stations 3 times because I got confused about which route to take, the journey to Kingston was uneventful. I had a lovely time with my friend, including copious amounts of tea, wine and ribaldry. To our delight, our guru, the man who taught us to be coaches, happened to wander past the window of Carluccio's as we were ribalding, so I ran outside like a thing possessed, bear-hugged him and woman-handled him in to join us. Once he'd got over the shock (I'm quite hefty, and apparently he doesn't often find himself being charged at by overweight middle-aged women dressed in all the colours of the rainbow!) he was as delighted to see us as we were to see him, so we had a lovely catch-up before we let him go free again.

I made my leisurely way back to Victoria, picking up some supper from M&S on the way, and arriving at the Coach Station with plenty of time to spare. Got on the coach, no problems, settled down, no problems, plugged in my laptop and WiFi, no problems. Went to eat my supper - a nice healthy couscous salad with roasted veg and spicy chicken. Which I had to eat with my fingers, cos I hadn't picked up a fork.

I had a lovely day out, and I hope my next trip to London will be as much fun!

On Having One Of Those Days

2010-02-22T11:40:00.009Z

I'm having One Of Those Days. I get them every now and again and it's almost as if my body is trying to give me a not-so-subtle reminder of what it's like to be in the midst of a depressive phase. I wake up, and the black dog is sitting on my chest, panting at me. He proceeds to spend the rest of the day following me around and oozing gloom at me, until I give up and go to bed. Usually when this happens, I recognise that it's only going to last for a day and give in to it, in the knowledge that I'll wake up tomorrow to a new day and all will be well again.

But today I've been driving myself potty by trying to work out what's brought it on. My lovely son (see photo, taken by the splendid Mr Rhys Jones, aka Photo Maestro ) has even tried to coach me through it, bless him. But still the dog remains. So I'm going to use today's blog to tune in to my inner voice, to find out what's going on.

Here are the first things I notice that my inner voice is saying to me:

Eat chocolate and you'll feel better
Go back to bed and you'll feel better
You've let yourself down by not doing your yoga this morning, and even when you tried to make up for it a while ago it was only a half-hearted attempt so you let yourself down again then
Everything's too difficult today, so don't bother doing anything
There's too much to do and no-one else is going to do it
Just sit very still and very quiet and try to stop thinking
It's too much effort to talk to anyone in the flesh so don't go anywhere and then you'll be safe

Blimey, it's no wonder I feel like crap!

Well, I know that eating chocolate and going back to bed won't make me feel better in the long run, so I can discount them, tempting as they are. I guess really they are attempts to soothe my inner child - here, have a magic sweetie and it'll all be all right - my attempts to kiss it better. So, I may be doing it in an unhelpful way, but at least part of me is trying to look after me and at least I've learned that these options aren't actually all that helpful. Now that I think about it, I can see that going for a walk would do me far more good - although that would involve getting dressed first....told you it was a bad day!

The 3rd one, about the yoga, is interesting. I've been having irregular yoga lessons since before Christmas, and when I went on my NLP course last weekend, one of the things I decided I wanted to have different in my life was to practice yoga more regularly. We were learning about swishing and I volunteered to have the technique demonstrated on me, so that I would replace my previous, slug-like approach to the mornings with a desire to leap out of bed and go through my yoga routine every other day. And you know what? It worked! Last week I ached more than I've ached in a very long time, because of all the unaccustomed exercise. I felt fantastic and I was eager to keep doing it, and to banish the slug version of me.

And then this morning, I allowed the slug to take over. It was a conscious choice and as I'm typing this, I'm wondering which came first, the Slug or the Black Dog? Because I'm very aware that my inner voice has been telling me off ever since I decided to stay in bed and finish my book this morning. And actually, I'm now aware that I finished my book, rather than just reading a couple of chapters and then getting up, almost as an act of defiance. It was as if somewhere inside my head my teenage self was saying "The more you keep on nagging, the longer I'm going to lie here reading, just to piss you off!"

How interesting - I've sabotaged myself. And I feel much brighter for having that realisation. I can also see that the rest of the list of things the Inner Voice has been telling me today are further acts of self-sabotage.

I wonder why we sabotage ourselves? I read a fascinating article by Oliver Burkeman in Saturday's Guardian, all about how we are drawn towards the easiest option all the time, and I recognised myself in what he described. And that's what I did this morning - instead of making the effort to get up and get on with the day, I gave in to the easiest option and have spent the day simultaneously punishing myself and stopping myself from making any further effort.

I am fully aware that one of my Gremlins (the things that hold us back or stop us from doing things) is the voice that says "it's all to too much effort, I can't be arsed". These days I'm pretty adept at spotting when it's happening, and I've learnt to ask it what it's trying to protect me from. So, assuming that Mr Can't B. Arsed the Gremlin was around this morning, what was he trying to protect me from when I allowed him to talk me into staying in bed? I suspect that he, and his cronies, are all too aware that a significant change in lifestyle is creeping up on them, and this was an attempt to hold it at bay. If I derail my attempts to change, I can slip back into my old, familiar, comfortable ways of being and doing, and I'd be lying if I said that that's not at least partly attractive.

All change involves effort, and all change involves a certain degree of discomfort. I've been through a monumental amount of change over the past year and I've promised myself that there's a lot more to come. I suspect that at least a part of my self is begging for mercy and just wants to be allowed to go back to sleep again, and that part came to the fore this morning.

But I can't let it have its way otherwise all my hard work up to now will have been for nothing. I'll revisit my NLP notes and make sure that my Swish is brought back to life, so that I can be a better support to myself tomorrow morning.

And for today, I'm going to forgive myself. I am, after all, only human, and everyone's allowed a little stumble now and again. And that's all today has been - a little stumble. My goals are all still as they were and I KNOW that I will achieve them.

So - I'm off to get dressed and do the grocery shopping. And I may just allow myself a very small bar of Green & Blacks as a treat....

On Defeating the Elephant of Death

2010-02-10T10:33:00.006Z

I had a fantastic yoga session last week. Adam, my lovely instructor, knows I like words so he always tells me both the Sanskrit and the Hindi(?) names for the poses, and the Latin names for various muscles. And he helpfully translates the Sanskrit/Hindi for me as well, my Sanskrit being ever so slightly rusty these days....

Anyway, last Friday I learnt about the Lion that Defeats the Elephant of Death which, as I'm sure you all know, is all to do with strengthening your core abdominal muscles.

After we'd had a giggle at the name, and Adam had suggested what a splendid title it would make for a blog post, we fell to wondering how it had come about its name. Adam reckoned that it was because, when you do it properly, you pull all of your internal organs back up into place, lift your diaphragm and stand up straight - that's what strengthens your core and must make you healthier because your insides aren't all being squished against each other.

I think that's part of it, but I think it goes deeper than that. As part of the work I do helping people to become more confident I use some of what I've learned from Adam. First off, we talk about the effect your posture can have on your mood, and then I ask them to show me the posture that they associate with shy people. We get a lot of demonstrations of arm folding, leg twisting and staring at the carpet, which generally leads on to a discussion about what messages that posture sends out to other people - and it's "keep away because I'm not worthy".

So then I channel Adam and show them how to stand straight and strong as I have been taught. This involves Defeating the Elephant of Death and I've seen it have a very profound effect on people.

When we move from a posture that tells the world that we think we have no place in it (a closed body, looking down, arms folded - the classic "I'm shy, don't notice me") to one of strength and confidence (standing straight, shoulders back, head up, making eye contact) we ourselves feel differently. I will never forget the (very shy) lady who said, in wonderment, "It's so much easier being like this! I feel like I belong in this space and I have a right to be here". All because I had encouraged her to think about her posture.

I wonder whether the Elephant of Death is a metaphor for the fears that keep us small and looking down? After all, what's keeping us down is usually the fear that we are not worthy, or that we somehow don't belong, or that other people won't want to hear from us, or any other of the millions of reasons that we hide our true colours from the world. Once you realise that the only thing stopping you is your fear, it becomes easier to handle it. And standing up straight, grounding yourself and finding the core of strength inside you makes physiological changes that result in altered brain chemistry, so that you automatically start to FEEL braver and stronger.

And that's how you conquer the Elephant of Death - by looking him squarely in the eye and challenging him to a duel of wits. And I guarantee, if you do that, you'll win every time.

An update: adam has now read my blog, and has sent me the following:

"We probably need to amend something though, as clearly in the intensity of our semi-nirvana I've mis-stated or you've mis-heard or some mutual combination.

Uddiyana Bandha is 'The elephant that conquers death'; elephants are sacred / lucky divine in Indian thought (think Ganesha) and wouldn't be a representative of death.

So more accurately, mastering this exercise is getting Nellie on your side. There is another layer of symbolism here because of cause elephants enjoy relative longevity compared to humans.

Good practice of uddiyana lifts us up; makes us strong and foursquare under life's weight - an indefatigable pachyderm, who won't be pushed down and compressed by the burdens of daily life."

I apologise unreservedly for misrepresenting him - I have no doubt whatsoever that I misheard what he said!

On Valuing Yourself

2010-02-01T09:34:00.003Z

Let's start with some rhetorical questions:

1) If you're a parent, what kind of life do you believe your children deserve? How do you whow them how much you value them?

Most loving parents desperately want their children to be happy, healthy and fulfilled, and do their utmost to make that happen. When they are little, we try to ensure they eat a good, healthy diet and get plenty of exercise. We cuddle them and read to them and play with them; we kiss it better when it hurts and we keep them safe while also giving them room to learn about risks and danger in a healthy way. As they get older, we gradually step back until they have enough space to stretch their wings and fly safely from the nest.

And as parents we know that Philip Larkin was right - despite all of our best intentions we still manage to get some stuff wrong and there will always be things that our children will hold against us. But if we've done our very best, our children will be secure in the knowledge that we value them above all else.

2) If you have a partner, what kind of life do you believe they deserve, and how do you show them how much you value them?

I believe that loving partners want only the best for each other. It's easy for that basic want to get lost in amongst the dishwashing, laundry, last-minute business trips and school holidays that make up family life, but a loving couple will still find the time somehow to look out for each other and do whatever they can to show each other they care. In my marriage, one of the ways this manifests itself is in my lovely husband bringing me tea and breakfast in bed every morning without fail (unless he's too ill to get up, which is very rare). It's only a little thing, but every morning I wake up to a reminder of how loved and valued I am - and that's not a little thing at all.

Now here comes the killer quesion: What kind of life do you think you deserve? And how do you show yourself how much you value yourself?

Do you make sure that you're happy, healthy and fulfilled? Or do your needs come at the bottom of the list, only to be tended to when you've made sure everyone else is OK? I'm not advocating becoming selfish and putting yourself first at all times, but if you always put yourself last you'll never have the energy or the time left to do yourself justice. Don't you deserve to treat yourself to the same care and compassion you give to others?

What kind of messages do you send out about yourself? If you show the world that you don't value yourself then the world will learn that you are of no value and treat you accordingly. So if your family see you always outting yourself last and not respecting yoursel, then they will learn to do the same. If you make it clear that you think your feelings and opinions are worthless, then that's what your children will learn about you - and what will they learn about themselves as a consequence?

What little things could you do, every day, to show yourself that you love and value yourself? Maybe a walk in the fresh air, with the sun on your face would do it for you. Maybe some quiet time to yourself doing exactly what you want. Here's an idea:

Take a piece of paper and write on the top "If I were to live my life as if I really valued myself, I would..."

Now make a list of all the things you would do if that were true. Make it a list of positive things, so rather than saying "I would stop doing x", say "I would start doing y".

Once you've finished your list, pick 3 things on it that are easy to achieve and commit to incorporating them into your life - starting today. Next week pick 3 more and add them in. The week after that, pick 3 more and add them in, and so on.

In a month's time, you'll be living as if you really valued yourself - and you'll be astonished by how easy it was and what a difference it's made to you and those around you. I'd love to know how you get on...

On Visualising Success

2010-01-26T15:11:00.006Z

Blimey what a week it's been!

Last time I had time to blog I was recovering from an attack of the wobbles, and since then it's been nothing but positive (despite spending what felt like most of last weekend taking various members of the family to A&E!)

On Saturday I held the pilot of Day 1 of my True Colours Foundation Workshop, ably assisted by a group of 6 lovely people who all volunteered to be my guinea pigs for the occasion. They were incredibly generous with their feedback and evaluation and I'm reassured that, with a few very minor tweaks, I have a really strong product to offer - one of my guinea pigs referred to the workshop as a "detox for the soul" and another said it was the best personal development workshop they've ever been on - so they've even written some of my marketing for me!!

Then yesterday I spent the afternoon with an amazing young lady called Catherine Robinson. She's only 21 and already she's lived in loads of different countries and is now running her own business, Objektum Venues. Catherine's passion and values drive her business - she sets exemplary standards for herself and her clients and you know from the minute you start to talk to her that she won't let you down.

I hired Catherine to find the perfect location for my True Colours workshops. The brief I gave her was that I want my workshops to feel like a spa treatment for your insides (but without the colonic irrigation aspect!) - so if you come along to a True Colours workshop, every aspect of it should feel like a treat but one that's doing you some life-long good. To me that means discreet luxury, gorgeous surroundings, peaceful beautiful surroundings, exquisite food and, most importantly, home-made cupcakes. You should know the minute you walk through the door that you're going to be looked after and cared for, and that if the course takes you on an emotional jouney, you're in a safe place.

The venue Catherine found me is exquisite, and I knew the minute I walked through the door that it was the one for me. If you want to be one of the first to know where it is, when the workshops will run and how you can be one of the first to experience them, you'll need to subscribe to my website so that you get a copy of my newsletter - it's due out on Feb 1st...

We finished our afternoon with tea and cakes in a lovely little tea shop in Winchcombe, and Catherine so inspired me that I'm developing some of her ideas for inclusion in my work. If ever you're looking for an event manager or venue finder, do give her a go, she's fabulous and a really nice person to boot.

On Calming The Inner Voice

2010-01-20T09:36:00.003Z

I had a bit of a wobble over the weekend.

I started finding it really difficult to switch off at nght, and found myself waking up at 4 in the morning with my head spinning with all the "stuff" I had to do, which led to getting up at silly o'clock to get work done and then fretting when I couldn't think clearly. By Monday morning I was in a bit of a state, and by Monday teatime all I wanted to do was sit in a corner and cry.

Instead of doing that, I took myself off to bed for some quiet time to think, drink tea and calm down.

I listened very hard to what was going on in my head and realised that my inner voice was chuntering away along these lines:

"You've got to think about marketing and you need a PR strategy and there's that workshop you're running on Saturday and you need to be ready for that and have you contacted the people that are coming yet and you're nearly out of business cards and you need to learn how to hold a teleseminar and it's about time you recorded another podcast and when are you going to find somewhere for your workshops and if you held a seminar would anyone come and what kind of cupcakes are you going to make and...and...and..."

It's no wonder I couldn't sleep! Once I started to pay attention to what my inner voice was saying, I immediately realised that I was stressing myself out because I had fallen into one of my usual self-inflicted bear-traps - I had got so swept up with the excitement of new things, that I'd stopped planning and prioritising, and now I couldn't see the wood for the trees.

So, instead of just letting the inner voice keep going and driving me mad, I decided to pay it some attention, and I wrote down all the things it was telling me I needed to do. This immediately helped me to feel calmer. It's like paying attention to a small child - if you ignore it it just gets more and more persistent and insistent, tugging at your sleeve, getting louder, climbing all over you until you get completely exasperated with it. If you listen to what it's saying (provided you're not in the middle of something critical) and acknowledge what it's trying to tell you, it's happy and will wander off to do something else, leaving you to concentrate on what you were doing.

So I acknowledged my inner voice, recognising that, in this instance, it was trying to help me. Once I'd written down all the things it was reminding me about, I was able to prioritise them and recognise that actually only a very few need my attention this week, and the rest could wait. Another huge weight off my shoulders, and a lessening of my stress.

And then, of course, I acknowledged that what I need is to draw up a plan and stick to it, rather than getting carried away with things and wanting to do it all now. And how those of you that used to work with me will be laughing now, famous as I was for chafing against the need to be tied down by plans!

Well, you live and learn. I don't want to allow myself to get panicky and anxious in my new life - I know it's inevitable that there will be some stress, but I'm not going to let it take over as I have before. I've done pretty well so far, and I think this weekend was the first time I've felt anything other than exhilarated since I gave my notice in back in October. Maybe I was due for a reminder that you can't expect to run on exhilaration without getting exhausted, and that I need to take some time to relax every once in a while?

I

On Asking for More Help

2010-01-18T11:11:00.002Z

The campaign to ask for quotes is picking up - since I last blogged I've sent 3 more emails and with the help of my lovely husband and our best friend I now have a long list of people I want to contact.

I also had a comment from Rachel on my last post which has really made me think. Rachel offered to supply me with a quote herself, on the basis that she has a book that she's trying to have published, so although she's not famous now, she might be by the time my book is complete.

And I suddenly thought - why do we concentrate on what people in the public eye think? There are an awful lot of people out there whose ideas and opinions are equally as valid and inspiring but who we never hear from

So I've expanded my thinking about what this book will contain. I'm going to continue my campaign to get quotes from the famous on the importance of living an authentic life and showing the world your true colours, but I'm also going to include contributions from people who aren't in the public eye.

And this is where I need your help.

I want to know who, in your life, inspires you because they are living/lived an authentic life. It doesn't matter who they are or what they do/did for a living, I want to know how their true colours have made an impact on those around them.

Please either add a comment to this post or email me at colourfulcoaching@ymail.com and put Book Quote in the subject line. I promise I'll use every quote I get and every contributor will receive a copy of the book when it's ready.

Once you've made your contribution, please pass on the details of this project to everyone you know - I'd really love to make this a global project, and have contributions from every continent - let's see what the power of the web can do!

I'll keep you posted on how it's going - thanks for your support!

On Being Bold and Asking for What You Want

2010-01-15T09:07:00.008Z

Two days away from work, doing family things has given me time to think, and has allowed the Universe to do its thing and send me things to think about. And the message from the universe is, in a nutshell, "Think Big and Ask for What You Want".

Firstly, there was a conversation in the car with my lovely daughter (here's a photo of her so you can see how utterly gorgeous she is as well as brilliant) while I was driving her back to Uni. She is firmly of the opinion that I should be contacting the national media about Colourful Coaching, and offering them the opportunity to get in at the ground floor by supporting me as I build the business. This is a novel thought, as I had thought of approaching the media and then shied away, thinking that they wouldn't be interested in little old me. She's quite fierce when roused, is my girl (chip off the old block, some might say....) and she was adamant that I should think like a man and ask for what I want. As she says, the worst that can happen is that they'll say no, and I won't be any worse off than I am now.

This coincided with a tweet from the amazing and inspiring Deborah Stewart. She had retweeted someone else's tweet (are you still with me?) that said "Ask ask ask ask. Your success depends on your willingness to ASK".

And then, while browsing in a charity bookshop yesterday, I came across a fabulous little book called "Whatever You Think, Think the Opposite" by Paul Arden, which is all about how, if you think differently about things, you're going to get a different and probably better result than you would if you carried on thinking about things the same way everyone else does.

Hmmm, I'm thinking. Hmmm....someone's trying to tell me something.

And then I thought of Damian Hughes...if you don't know about him, do look him up, he's one of the people that inspired me to go it alone and he's also a shining example of someone who decided what he wanted and then didn't stop asking for it until he got it.

So what effect has all this had? Well, today I have emailed the following people to ask them for a quote on the importance of living an authentic life and showing the world your True Colours:

Damian Hughes
Zandra Rhodes
Chris Evans

I shall do 3 every day until I have enough to make a book - and then I shall make a book! And I need your help, so please give me your suggestions for who else I should ask for contributions, and I'll contact them.

Onwards and Upwards!!

Quick update - since I wrote the first bit, I've also contacted 2 major magazines and offered myself as a contributor. Watch this space....

On Turning Molehills into Mountains...and back again

2010-01-12T14:03:00.003Z

Isn't it funny how sometimes it's the simplest things that we turn into huge, unwieldy obstacles? I'm finding any excuse to avoid picking up the phone and calling people I've met at networking events - even though when I met them in person I had no trouble striking up a conversation and getting on very well with them. I know I need to follow up on last week's mailshot and I even know what I want to say, and yet still I'm finding reasons not to pick up the phone. Even writing this blog now is a form of procrastination!

But wait, maybe I can use the blog to coach myself over the blockage? It kind of worked last time, after all. OK then, first question:

what's going on in my head right now?

a mixture of frustration at myself for being so wet, acknowledgement that an awful lot of people feel like this about making phone calls, and remembering advice from people to start gently by making one call a day, and to begin with "warm calling" (ie calling people you've already met and talked to) rather than "cold calling" (ringing complete strangers).

and what else?

I'm trying to move from being frustrated with myself, to taking an objective view and being interested in what's going on for me. And so I find that what's interesting for me is that I find things which many people dread, like public speaking, really easy and rewarding to do and that makes me wonder whether I could view any potential phone call as a public speaking opportunity. Which firther leads me on to think that, although I've jsut said that I know what I want to say, maybe I should write myaself some prompt cards, just in case? I probably won't use them, but just writing things down helps to lodge them in my memory - and now I find I'm thinking about shopping lists - I tend to write out a shopping list and then not take it with me because I don't actually need it - the same applies with speaking notes.

and what else?

that I could usefully give myself a break and stop being so hard on myself!Abd what's come from that thought is that, when I picture myself making these calls, I'm picturing spending hours on the phone and not stopping until I've got loads of work out of it, which is insane. So I'm working to an insane vision of success! Excellent, that's REALLY going to help!

so what would be a more helpful vision of success?

well, I won't be working tomorrow because it's my lovely husband's birthday so I shall be spending the day cherishing him instead - so a more helpful vision of success would be for me to make 2 "warm calls" today, with the aim of gently reminding the recipients about my mailshot, and that we've met, and that I'm here. And I could also tell them about my free download, and my podcast, so that they can have a free taste of what I do as well.

OK, so today you'll call 2 people you've met before, to make sure they got your mailshot and to tell them about a couple of new products you're offering. What do you want to leave them thinking after the conversation?

I want them to remember meeting me in person, and to remember that they expressed an interest in working with me when we met, and to give some thought to whether or not they want to take up the offer I made in the mailshot.

So basically this call is to prompt them into thinking about using your services?

Yes - and that's where the problem lies because I don't want to be pushy.

What does pushy mean to you?

It means in your face, demanding, salesy, not taking no for an answer

That sounds like a list of negatives. Are they always negative qualities as far as you're concerned?

I suppose not, but I think in this instance they would be and that's not how I want to come across. I guess I could allay my own fears on that score by being upfront about my call - if I tell the person I'm calling that what I'm doing at the moment is making contact, then I won't feel bad about it.

I think I'm just going to bite the bullet and ring someone, get it over with, and then report back. That way I'll have achieved half of my goal already, and I'll have some feedback for myself. Right here goes...

Ok - I've made 2 calls because I only got voicemail for the first one (but I left a message!). From the second call, I gathered the information that last week's mailshot hadn't reached it's intended recipient - must follow that one up and see if any of the other ones have got lost - but once I'd explained what was in it, I was invited to send some details in as they are, right this minute, drawing up their learning and development plan for 2010 and would like to make some room for me in it. Woohoo!

So, what have you learnt as a result of that exercise?

Well, I've reminded myself that I have felt like this before over the years, and whenever I've ignored the negative feelings and pressed ahead regardless, it's always turned out OK. I've had my confidence boosted and I've learnt (yet again, one day it'll stick!) that it's better to get something over and done with if the thought of it makes you anxious, rather than letting it fester. Or as someone once memorably said, it's better to eat the toad first thing in the morning because then you'll know you've already done that day's most unpleasant thing!

So, off to send an email to my contact, and then, who knows, I may REALLY overachieve, and make another phone call!!

Onwards and upwards...

On Movement in Stillness

2010-01-11T07:36:00.003Z

I've been thinking a lot about something my yoga teacher said the other day - although it might look like you're keeping still in a pose, within that stillness there should be movement as the aim is always to be stretching and deepening.

There's a clear link for me there with my coaching practice. One of the things it's taken me years to learn (and I've not finished learning, it's going to be a life-long process!) is to be quiet and let the silence grow. A powerful coaching question will always lead to a silence on the part of the client, and you can always tell when there's movement within that silence, when the client's mind is firing off on all cylinders. That's the point when it's crucial for the coach to be still and quiet and leave the space free for the client's mind to expand into.

As I said, it's going to be a lifelong learning process for me, learning to shut up, and I've come a long way from where I used to be (when I first started to learn about coaching I used to sit with my hand over my mouth to remind me!). Some days it comes more easily than others, and I find it easier to stay silent with some clients than with others. Just like yoga really, some poses I can relax and stretch into, some make me fall over!

On Inspiration

2010-01-08T11:26:00.002Z

Yesterday was an inspiring day, thanks to the following 3 people:

First of all there's Sharon Gaskin, founder of The Trainers Training Company and all round Good Egg. I first came across Sharon when she gave a presentation at a meeting of the Gloucester Coaches Network shortly before Christmas. I found what she had to say really useful,and she had a major effect on my approach to building my business - if you're sick of seeing me on Twitter, blame Sharon :-)

Yesterday, one of Sharon's tweets introduced me to Nicola Bird, founder of Take Action, Get Clients and creator of a fantastic-looking online coaching tool called JigsawBox, which I hope to be able to use in the not-too-distant future. Nicola has provided a free download of a document which I used yesterday to help me to draw up a MUCH more sensible and focused business plan than the one I had originally, and which will, in tandem with Sharon's advice, enable me to realise my ambitions for Colourful Coaching.

Last but by no means least, a few weeks ago I joined an online network for women in business called Business Women's Cafe. Through that, I became aware of a new magazine that a truly inspiring lady called Lisa Mundembe is setting up. This is a direct quote from Lisa that explains what the magazine is all about:

The vision of Inspirational Magazine is to help people to know that there is hope after or during their encounters, that they are capable of still living their dream even though they went through what they went through and for some are still going through what they are going through, that we all have a destiny, we all have talents, dreams/vision and that we can achieve more than we actually think we can if we are determined, dedicated and believe. Inspirational Magazine aims at building individuals, developing individuals, encouraging individuals, challenging individuals, be a positive read to readers and inspiring individuals through real life experiences, real life stories, motivational messages, inspirational articles, encouraging messages/articles including articles that you can learn one or two things from that will be in the magazine.

I read the first edition online, and liked it so much I submitted an article based on my recent blog post about facing your fears. Lisa called me yesterday to say thank you - and we ended up agreeing that I would contribute a series of monthly articles to Inspirational Magazine, the first hard copy issue if which is currently at the printers. Having heard Lisa's story, and the conviction she has about what she's doing, I can only admire her and urge her to succeed. If her plan succeeds, you should soon be seeing copies of Inspirational Magazine appearing in a supermarket near you - please give it and Lisa your support.

There are so many generous, inspiring people out there and I've only mentioned 3 - I'd love to know who inspires you...

On Having A Room Of One's Own

2010-01-07T08:27:00.003Z

For the first time in 20 years, I have a room of my own. One of the reasons we chose this house was because it had a room that I could turn into my office. For a while when we first moved in it was the cats' bedroom but now they have the right to roam and I have reclaimed my space - and it's wonderful.

When I was doing my coach training I had a session with a wonderful chap called Euan Cowie
Euan led me through a visualisation session which helped me to cristalise thoughts I'd had in an earlier session with the equally wonderful Anny Alipranti, where we'd been describing our optimal coaching state to each other.

With Euan's help, I was able to bring to life my earlier thoughts so that my optimal state became a "real" place to go to when coaching or preparing to coach. And now, with help from my family - most notably my lovely son, who did a glorious job with the painting - my "real" place has become a real place!

When I go into my office and close the door, it's like being in another world - no mean feat when the house is full of teenagers! I have my special things around me - pictures that mean something to me, carefully chosen furniture and furnishings, cards from well wishers and all my training and coaching materials. And when I sit down and let my inner eye take over, I reconnect with the deep sense of peace and joy I felt during those sessions with Euan and Anny, and I know that I'm in my optimal state both inside and outside.

Sometimes it can be hard to find peace in the middle of the busy lives we lead, and I know how difficult it can be when you've got a family to find a place of stillness, let alone one that you can call your own. But if you can find it, or you're lucky enough to have already found it, make sure you cherish it. I've waited a long time for mine, and I feel exceptionally blessed to have it at last.

Now it's time to head off into whatever adventures today has in store - onwards and upwards!

On Facing Your Fears

2010-01-06T07:51:00.005Z

When I was at work, I used to really struggle with waking up - my lovely husband even got me one of those alarm clocks that mimics the sunrise. But still I used to take an age to get going and then spend all day yawning and feeling like I'd been done out of some much needed sleep. But since I've been working for myself, I find I have no such problems. I wake up, I have my cup of tea and I'm raring to go - my mind is full of ideas and I can't wait to get on with the working day.

I don't think I've ever felt this positive at this time of the year, and certainly not first thing in the morning. Feeling happy, confident and full of promise is a very powerful combination - my true colours are shining through and I can heartily recommend this feeling to everyone.

To think I spent so many years being frightened to make this move - coaching helped me to side-step the fear and once I'd gone round it and seen it from the other side I realised it wasn't the big scary monster I'd always thought it was - or rather, it was but it also had its good side. From there, it was easy to harness it for my own ends and walk forwards in tandem with it, up a gentle slope rather than a huge mountain. And now, here I am in the sunlit uplands :-)

When I was coached through my fear (thank you, Anna Lambe xxx) I described it as being big and hairy - Anna immediately got me to think of Sully from Monsters Inc and I realised that fear can be a good thing as well as a bad thing - Sully may be a monster but he's very cuddly and helpful and protective. And sometimes you need a healthy dose of fear to kick start you into action.

Anna then sent me a picture of Sully cuddling a little girl who was dressed up as a monster - and that's when it really hit me. Sometimes, to be bold you need to pretend to be bold first. I decided to put on my own monster suit and step out into life as if I was fearless - and I was bowled over by how easy everything became.

What fears are holding you back from doing what you want to do? Think about your situation - can you narrow down what it is exactly that you're frightened of? Can you describe the fear to yourself in a way that allows you to see the positive side of it? It sounds simple, but it can take a very long time to realise it - a change in your own attitude can reduce the thing that you fear the most to a little pile of ashes, leaving you free to saunter along and enjoy the sunlit uplands of your own life. Why not give it a try?

On Enthusiasm

2010-01-05T08:12:00.005Z

Yesterday was the first proper day of work for most of the country, myself included. But it wasn't like it's always been before for me. I saw lots of my friends having to steel themselves to get up early and go reluctantly into work (I hope the 9am meet up for coffee and moral support at Ritazza went well, oh Shiny Dudes!) and I waved my own lovely husband off as het set out into the freezing fog with an air of resolve and reluctance about him.

And me? I was tucked up in the warm with a hot water bottle, a cup of tea and my trusty laptop, eager to crack on and full of ideas. It really is true that it doesn't feel like work if you enjoy it. And I'd go further than that and say that, now that I'm in charge of my own destiny, I have an energy and a work ethic I haven't experienced for a VERY long time.

So what did I do with it all yesterday? Well, I sent out a mailshot to 40 local companies, all fellow members of Cheltenham Chamber of Commerce, offering them a free coaching session - in this business it's all about reputation, and no-one's going to hire me in preference to anyone else unless they've seen me in action and think that I can do a better job than their current supplier. I read somewhere that you generally only get a 1 in 10 return rate from this kind of marketing so I'm hoping for a maximum of 4 new clients as a result.

I needed to bank my FIRST EVER CHEQUE FROM A CLIENT (woohoo!!) and buy some printer labels so I decided at lunchtime to walk to the Bath Road - it was such an utterly beautiful day! I grew up round here so I decided to try out the old back ways and footpaths that I used to use when I was a nipper. I ended up taking 2.5 hours to get there and back and complete my transactions but it was wonderful - I explored bits of Hatherley/Warden Hill/Tivoli etc that I haven't seen for years, I found a whole new housing estate that I never knew existed (and was able to say to someone "the last time I used this footpath it was all fields round here!"). I met some lovely dogs and their charming owners and, best of all, I was able to bask in the glorious sunlight rather than being cooped up inside with no idea of what the weather was doing.

I then spent far too long doing battle with my printer but we finally reached an understanding and I showed it who's boss. Note to self: must buy some more paper to make up for all the sheets that got wasted yesterday, and next time buy standard sized labels. Ho Hum.

I had an email saying that I've had another article published on ezine - this one's about how Evil Leaders can lower staff morale very easily by following advice from the Institute of Evil Leadership (I have appointed myself spokeswoman for the Institute...). You can read the article here http://is.gd/5MCYV

And then, to round of a splendid day's work, I heard that 2 of the 3 potential coaching clients that I visited just before Christmas have selected me to be their coach. Much delighted whooping ensued and I allowed myself another cup of tea and a slice of cake to celebrate. I'm going down to Surrey to meet up with them on Friday so that we can crack on.

As for today, I shall be concentrating on raising awareness of my New Year, New You workshops: the evening classes are due to start next week and so far I don't have any takers, so my target is to have at least 4 people signed up by the end of tomorrow - there are only 12 places available so if you're reading this and you're in Cheltenham and you're at all interested, please have a look here http://is.gd/5MCPv and book yourself a place. And if it's not for you, then please forward the details on to any friends you think might like it.

OK, that's the first thing on today's to do list done, onwards and upwards!

On Coming Back to Life

2009-12-30T12:08:00.002Z

Well, Christmas is over and with it my promise to myself to stay away from the web and all of its delights. We've feasted and made merry with our nearest and dearest and now life is almost back to normal again.

I say almost but of course the Christmas Tree is still up, we're still working our way through the leftovers and my lovely husband has the rest of the week off work so he's currently tucked up with a good book, a mug of tea and a very warm cat.

I have been a very good boss and insisted to myself that I have a nice long break over Christmas, so as to ensure that my loins are ready to be properly girded for 2010. Because tomorrow, I get my last ever pay cheque from HMG, and after that I'm really and truly on my own.

And that's a thought that concentrates the mind somewhat! So this morning I've been updating my website in readiness for the launch of some new workshops for January, and this afternoon I'll be honing some press releases for local papers.

I'm looking on this as a toe in the water: I won't be back full time till Monday as we still have a number of social activities planned over the next couple of days, but I find that I've been champing at the bit to start work again over the past couple of days, which is certainly NOT a feeling I've experienced at this time of year before!

So it's onwards and upwards for me, and, I hope, for you too.

On Being Reborn In Islington

2009-12-14T00:48:00.006Z

It's 12:49 on Sunday night and I'm so tired I can't sleep. On Friday I went to a Trainer's ThinkTank session in Bristol organised by the marvellous Lee Cottier, which left me buzzing with new connections and loads of new ideas for things I could do to clarify what I'm about and how I want to focus my efforts to ensure that I get the right kind of work for me, and that I don't have to wait too long for it!

This was the only the 2nd ThinkTank that Lee has organised but it has the well-oiled feel of something that's been going for ages and I felt very lucky to be a part of it. It's amazing how my horizons have been expanding: not so long ago I couldn't imagine not being part of the community of my old workplace, and I imagined the world outside to be hostile and scary. Not a bit of it! Everywhere I go, people are warm and welcoming, willing to share their experiences and lend a supporting hand, and very encouraging when I tell them what I'm doing. It feels so refreshing after what my experience at work came to be like, I keep having to pinch myself!

On Saturday, my lovely husband and I spent 8.5 hours on a coach to and from London so that we could go to the Coaching Development Christmas Party in Islington, which was the first time I'd been back to the place where I did my coaching qualification course since it finished in July. We were both shattered because one of the cats had been playing up all night so we'd not had much sleep, but we decided not to take the easy option and stay at home.

And I'm so glad! Despite feeling like the undead on the Tube, once we came up out of the Angel station, and I was surrounded by Islington in all its glory, I suddenly got the most amazing rush of exhilaration, and it lasted me until we got back on the coach 2.5 hours later.

My life changed in Islington. I remember being afraid before I went on the coaching course, because I knew that I would change as a result of it, and I was worried about the impact it would have on me and those around me. I was assuming that the changes would make me dissatisfied with my lot and they did, but not in the way I feared. I think my marriage and my relationship with my children has become stronger as a result of the course, and my relationship with myself and what I want from life has altered out of all recognition.

I now associate Islington with a kind of re-birth. For many of us, the course was something of a spiritual journey, not necessarily in that we found God (well I didn't, I can't speak for anyone else) rather in that we found ourselves and realised our true purpose. I remember being witness so some astonishingly transformative moments as my colleagues got in touch with their innermost fears and desires, and I particularly remember spending one lunchtime sitting alone in glorious sunshine, revelling in just being, and realising that I had finally come to a place of peace and stillness within myself. That lunchtime had a profound effect on me, and the memory is now a touchstone for me when things start to get a bit hectic. The feeling of inner peace has never really left me since then and I suspect it never will.

To be back in that special place, then, and with my special person, was a bit like having all my Christmasses and Birthdays come at once. And on top of that, we went back into the building where it all happened and there were Phil and Colin, my gurus, and lots of lovely chums from my course, all delighting in seeing each other and catching up with the news. It was like I'd never been away and I came away floating on a cloud of love and affection which is still making me smile.

And on top of that, I found when I checked my emails on the way home that I'd had a 2nd article published on ezine - these articles are, for me, part of the concrete proof that my life has taken a radical change of direction. It;s not something that i would ever dreamed of doing in my old life, but suddenly my mind is alive with ideas and possibilities - to the extent that tonight, right before I started writing this blog, I uploaded the first 5 chapters of a children's story to the authonomy website. If you want to have a read, you can find it here. It's called the Blibble and I started writing it 15 years ago, never really thinking it would see the light of day despite the children urging me to finish it over the years.

But now I'm a new version of me, and there are all sort of new possibilities in my life - and why shouldn't I write a book? I'd love to know what you think, and if you have children I'd really love to know what they think - and if enough people want to know what happens next, I shall oblige.

Life is full of possibilities. It can also be full of fears, and I have spent too many years being held in one place by mine. But now I have grasped the nettle, and I don't intend to let go of it.

On Abundance

2009-12-10T22:59:00.003Z

I've had a perfectly lovely day today. It started (as my days always do, cos I'm extremely lucky) with breakfast brought to me in bed and a whiskerykiss from my lovely husband as he tiptoed out at an ungodly hour to go to work. He is a deeply splendid chap and I love him to bits.

It got even better when I checked my emails and found that I'd had an article (Are You Showing The World Your True Colours?) published by e-zine. This was my first attempt so I'm really thrilled - my second one is awaiting approval and I have a couple of others in the pipeline.

Then I set off for Surrey for some chemistry meetings with prospective clients. It feels like this appointment has been in the diary for ever so I was glad to be on my way at last.

And it was such a beautiful day! As I drove across England I was struck by the beauty of the landscape and how lucky I am to live in the middle of it. And all of that beauty was only enhanced by the sunshine pouring through the windows.

I love driving and I love my little car, and I particularly love to sing while I'm driving, so I accompanied Radio 2 and then gave full voice to the soundtrack from Les Miserables - singing is such a glorious release, particularly when done at the top of ones voice!

I only got lost twice (ahem...please Santa, can I have a TomTom?) and once I'd got there the clients were welcoming and rather lovely - and very excited because Father Christmas was coming to see them at 4:30! I also got to catch up with my friends Anny and Zoe, who I haven't seen since July, and that was really rather special - they're both such good coaches and such glamorous women as well!

And then homewards, listening to the magnificent Chris Evans and picking my equally magnificent (in a different way) daughter Franki up on the way. We had a spirited conversation about Books for Grown Up Boys, Democracy in Costa Rica, and what one would wear to a Politics, Philosophy and Economics Themed Party (I suggested she should cover herself in balloons and get over-excited, and then she could go as hyper-inflation).

And then fish and chips for tea courtesy of my lovely son Joe, as a thank you for giving him a lift home, and now my lovely furry husband has come home bearing mistletoe and more whiskerykisses, and is going to make me some hot milk to go to bed with.

Truly, a life of abundance. I am very, very blessed. And now I'm going to bed!

On Secular Spirituality

2009-12-08T09:24:00.003Z

Today I am feeling prolific. I woke up with a head full of ideas and an urge to cook, so by 9:30 the steak and kidney part of the pie was casseroling quietly away to itself, the dishwasher was on and I'd managed to link up my Twitter and Facebook accounts without swearing. Since then I've prepared for some client chemistry meetings on Thursday, registered my business with Google Local, written half an article for an online magazine, cleaned the kitchen AND rediscovered the delights of KT Tunstall's first album, Eye to the Telescope, which I haven't had the chance to listen to for years now!

I have to say, this working from home lark is much easier and more fulfilling when you're working on your own stuff, rather than taking stuff home to do from the office. Suddenly there are no more rules about what I should be doing or when, which makes it all much more exciting and interesting. Let's hope it stays that way!

Right, time for another cup of tea, a chat with my lovely husband so he doesn't feel lonely at work, and then I shall finish and submit my article before going for a swim. Happy days!

On Serendipity

2009-12-07T09:03:00.003Z

Having blogged about my difficulties with marketing, the end of last week saw me attend 2 events that I found really helpful in that regard - proof, to my mind, of the universe conspiring to help me.

On Thursday I went to the monthly meeting of the Gloucestershire Coaches Network. This is a really friendly group, run under the auspices of the CIPD but open to anyone. This month's talk was a presentation by Sharon Gaskin, founder of The Trainers Training Company. Sharon spent an incredibly useful 90 minutes telling us what she'd learnt about how to market a new business effectively - telling us about the mistakes she'd made when she first went into business and giving us her top tips for what to do to build a new business as quickly as possible without wasting time and money. I found Sharon inspirational, and a thoroughly nice person to boot, and I've already started putting some of her ideas into practice.

Then on Friday I spent the day at the Leadership Trust on their annual tutor's day. This is an opportunity for all of their associate tutors, who may not meet up with each other from one year to the next, to get together and do some learning/bonding/generally have a good time together.

Not only did I meet up with an old friend that I haven't seen for 18 years (hello Jean-Luc) and make friends with an adorable 6-week old chap called Iggy (and am alarmed to note that there are still some broody thoughts swirling round my head!!) but I also met a chap called Michael Downey, who has grown his training business Life Changing Activities purely through the use of Search Engine Optimisation, so that from a standing start a few months ago he now has some blue chip clients that have come to him purely through the web.

I'm sure meeting both Sharon and Michael will be of huge benefit to me, and that I bet them both for a reason. I have a real passion for what I'm doing and I am confident that I will succeed, witha little help from my friends...

Proof That Coaching Works!

2009-12-03T16:47:00.002Z

On the back of yesterday's post (thanks for the comments, folks, it's nice to know I'm not talking to myself!) I spent yesterday evening designing some posters, and this morning I spent a merry couple of hours wandering around Cheltenham asking people to display them for me. So if you happen to be out for a drink or a coffee or some posh clothes in Montpellier or the Suffolks over the weekend, look out for me smiling down at you from the wall.

I was delighted with how ready people were to take my posters, and how encouraging and interested they were when I told them what I was doing - and I'm amazed at how differently I'm thinking about this kind of stuff now that I've given myself a good talking to.
It's too soon to know if this will lead me to any clients, but I still have a list of other places to take my posters so that there will be a fair spread of them around the place - if anyone reading this is a member of a club or society or church that has a notice board and could put a poster up for me, please get in touch!

I'm Going To Rule The World - But Why Would Anyone Want Me To?

2009-11-18T17:08:00.009Z

Well here's a thing. I give every appearance of being a confident individual with a grand plan, and yet something inside me is incredibly shy about getting out there and asking for work. I've had a number of coaching conversations about this, and so far nothing's solved the conundrum for me. So this blog is going to be an attempt at self coaching - I'm going to give myself a taste of my own medicine!

Here's the situation:

I know that I have marketable skills and a good USP (if you're not already familiar with it, have a look at my website.)

I have enough confidence in my ideas that I've just given up a 25-year career in the Civil Service, along with the associated non-contributory, index-linked, final salary pension, sick leave, annual cost of living pay-rises etc etc.

I've joined various networks, and I get good feedback and interest from the people I'm meeting; I've also contacted a number of people I've come across over the years to update them on my plans.

But I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with myself as I feel a kind of paralysis coming over me when it comes to doing anything more overt in terms of marketing. I want to understand what's behind the paralysis, and what I can do to overcome it.

With other coaches I've explored the idea that it might in some way be linked with something from my upbringing ("Don't show off") or the fact that I've spent an entire career being actively discouraged from talking about what I do. Clearly these are learned behaviours that aren't helpful in this situation, but I'm not satisfied that they are the root causes of this problem.

I've looked at whether it's because anything with the "marketing" label is unfamiliar territory, and I know I do have a tendency to panic and freeze if I don't know what to do - but then, I've done marketing for other things and it's never been a problem.

I've spent a number of sessions brainstorming ideas for things I could do to publicise myself, and I've acted upon some of them, but it doesn't feel like enough and it doesn't feel wholehearted.

So I'm left with some ideas and a feeling that I'm somehow letting myself down. Before I gave up the day job I made excuses that it was because I didn't have enough time, but I know that's not what this is really about. So what's going on here? Do I really have a problem, or am I just expecting too much of myself? I want to understand what it is I really want to achieve, whether marketing is the right thing to do to achieve it, and then decide what action I'm going to take.

And this is where the self-coaching experiment begins:

What are you frightened of?
Good question! (hasn't been asked before, and it came to me while I was typing the above). What am I frightened of? The first thing that comes to mind is rejection. What if I put myself out there, and find out that nobody's interested? Or that I'm not as skilled as I think I am? Will I discover that I've given up a secure job with good money for a pipe-dream that's never going to come true? I think this boils down to "what if nobody likes me?" - if I don't ask them I'll never find out if they don't, so it's safer not to ask.

What reactions have you had so far?
Very positive. Initially from friends/family and colleagues, but lately I've been networking with people that haven't met me before and the reception has all been positive. I've made a number of contacts that have been very complementary and interested in meeting up to discuss more - so why have I been shy of doing so? And the answer that comes back is "because they probably didn't mean it, they were just being polite". Hmmm...there's that rejection thing again.

How likely is it that they were just being polite?
Not very, actually, because during those networking sessions I've also come across people who weren't interested, and although we had perfectly pleasant conversations, it was clear that there was no interest in pursuing things. So if I actually think about it, I know that there are a bunch of potential clients out there who've met me, liked what they saw and heard and want to hear more from me - and I'm really keen to learn more about them as well.

So why have you not done anything about it?
Hmmm....not sure. Are they the right sort of potential clients? Some of them are, undoubtedly - and at the moment any kind of potential client is a good one! Maybe it's the length of the list, because I've got quite a long list now - I guess I don't have to do them all at once, so maybe if I promise myself to do 2 or 3 a day that will feel less intimidating.

What specifically is it that feels intimidating here?
I've always had a bit of a reluctance to ring people up out of the blue - even people I know, so there's some kind of shyness there. And although I know what my USP is, sometimes I get tongue-tied explaining it to people. So maybe what I need to do first is to get completely clear in my head who I am, what I'm about and what kind of work I'm looking for. That should make it easier to decide who to contact about what rather than doing a one size fits all approach. And saying that, I'm thinking that I've already done my market segmentation, so I know what I want to do and who I want to do it for, and I'm thinking that maybe part of my problem is that I keep having more ideas about things I could do, and they're stopping me from focusing. Yes, that sounds very likely, knowing me - I have lots of ideas and I like new things, so I get caught up in the excitement of the possible, rather than concentrating on the things that I've already decided to do. Aha! So - I could start a list of ideas, to keep and stroke and refer back to when I need them, but I should also focus back onto my target markets and think specifically about the best ways in which to approach them. Right - that feels both sensible and useful - so instead of scribbling my endless ideas on random bits of paper, I shall record them in a Special Book of Ideas so that I know where to find them when I want them - and then I can also sort out which ones will be of use for my target audiences.

That sounds like the start of a plan - you're going to keep an ideas book so that you can record your ideas safely, but also so that you can filter out the ones that might be interesting projects for the future but won't necessarily be of benefit right now.
Yes - I already have a beautiful empty notebook just waiting to be used - and I like the symbolism of having a beautiful book of ideas.

OK, so let's look at your target audiences and what you need to do to reach out to them.
I like the phrase "reach out to them" - it feels much more personal and less cynical than marketing. Ah! That was interesting - I don't think I'd realised there was a connection in my mind between marketing and cynicism before, but now that I think about it I'm aware of a feeling that there's some level of dishonesty associated with marketing - that it's about spin and gloss and only telling one side of the story. And I really don't want to do that - one of my core values is about authenticity and I would never want to make false promises or have a client turn round and say they'd been sold a pup.

So it sounds like you're making an assumption that marketing is inherently dishonest and you don't wish to be dishonest in your dealings with your clients - could that be what's holding you back?
It's certainly a new thought, and the more I think about the word "marketing" the more I'm conjuring up images of slick, greedy ad-men and snake-oil peddlers. And that's very clearly an unhelpful and limiting assumption for me to have at the moment because I'll never get any work if I don't let people know about me.

I think I'm hearing that it's actually the word "marketing" that gives you a problem, because of the things it makes you think of - how could you reframe what you need to do so that you don't have to think about "marketing" with all of the associated baggage?
Well I like the idea of "reaching out" to people, because it's a very visual image and it also conveys something to do with being helpful - it's altogether a much more positive image - I'd rather be reaching out to help someone than selling them something they don't need. Aha! Another unhelpful assumption about marketing! Strangely enough, the word "advertising" doesn't have the same negative overtones as "marketing" either - I feel perfectly comfortable with the idea of advertising my services. So, I want to concentrate on finding the best ways to advertise my services so that I can reach out to my target audiences. That feels MUCH better and far more wholesome, I'm comfortable with that idea.

OK, so we now have 2 elements to your plan - firstly there's the Beautiful Book of Ideas, and secondly you're going to concentrate on finding the best ways to advertise your services so that you can reach out to your target audiences.
Yes - and I feel much better already for having uncovered what the real blockage was. So now I want to really focus in on those target audiences, prioritise the order in which I want to address them, and then come up with 2 or 3 things I can do to reach out to each group.

OK - so tell me about your target audiences
I've identified 3 - I want to work with individuals, as a personal coach; I want to work in schools/universities with high-performing young people and perhaps their teachers; and I want to work within corporations providing Executive and/or Senior management Coaching and leadership Development. And while I've been typing that, I've realised that what I haven't done is to prioritise or to make any attempt to focus my attentions on any particular group - and that's clearly what I need to do.

So what thoughts are you having about that now?
Well, I think that corporate work is going to take the longest to sort out, but it will be the most lucrative in the end. I've made some contacts already and have a couple of leads to follow up, which I shall do in the next couple of weeks, but if I concentrate solely on that it will be a while before I see any money coming in and I do need to start earning before too long. I think that, at least initially, personal work is where I should be focusing and I think this is exactly the time of year to do that - now is when people start to make New Year's Resolutions and I've already had some ideas around what I could offer. I'm quite strapped for cash, but I don't need to spend that much money to advertise what I've got in mind initially, and if the low cost advertising takes off then I will be able to expand my advertising into places where it will cost me to advertise.

OK, so you've got a couple of corporate leads to follow up but you're expecting that to take some time, so initially you want to focus your efforts on personal coaching, and you have some ideas around how to do that at not much expense. What about your 3rd group?
The schools, yes. I've been in to one school and I've sent speculative emails out to several others and to the LEA but had no response - and that makes me unwilling to follow up because I assume it means they're not interested.

Ah - what else could it mean?
Well any number of things - the emails could have gone to the wrong address, they could have been sifted out by spam filters, they could have been read and then forgotten about because people are very busy - I have to say that emails don't come with any distinctive stamp or personality about them, and that's a big part of my USP - my email is just going to get lost in a pile with everyone else's, I need to contact people in a way that's distinctive and stands out. And now I'm slapping my forehead because I've had some gloriously distinctive stationery printed, which isn't going to get lost in anyone's intray! So, if I want to renew my efforts with the schools side of things I need to think carefully about my offer and then send some beautiful, distinctive hard-copy letters and brochures out - and make it really easy for people to reply to me -s o SAEs will need to be enclosed. I already have brochures that I can enclose so half the work is already done.

OK that sounds like another plan - tell me where you are now with your thinking.
Right - so now I'm concentrating on reaching out to my target audiences and letting them know what I can do for them and( importantly to me) why I want to work specifically with them. I already have some actions in hand with regard to finding corporate clients, but I'm looking on that as a longer term, more strategic project. My tactical approach will be to focus on advertising to potential personal coaching clients, concentrating specifically on coaching around New Year's Resolutions. In tandem with that, I will put together a memorable mail-shot to local schools, the LEA and other groups associated with young people.
I feel much better and more positive now that I've dealt with the idea of "marketing" and its associations, and realised that it's not appropriate for what I want to be doing at the moment.

That all sounds positive - when are you going to do all of these things?
Well the corporate stuff is already planned in, so that will happen in the next couple of weeks. I shall work on my advertising materials today and tomorrow with the aim of having them ready to distribute early next week. Once that's done, I will work on my mailshot and aim to send that out by the end of next week.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how likely are you to do that?
I'd say barring anything unforeseen, around an 8 or 9.

What would need to happen to make it a 10?
I'd need to know I was letting someone down (apart from myself!) if I didn't do it. So, dear reader, if you've read this far, it would really help me if you could add a comment letting me know what you think, if you have any hints and tips that might help me - and that you'll be checking up on me to find out how I've got on!

On How We Can Bring About World Peace By Being Happy

2009-11-02T16:39:00.007Z

I've found that, in the couple of weeks since I resigned, my mood has got sunnier and sunnier. It's reminded me of how important it is to take stock and reconnect with the little things in life that make us happy. And I reckon, if we all think happy thoughts, we can bring about World Peace...

I've been enjoying my own enjoyment of life, and it's got me thinking of how often we rush through life with our heads down, intent on getting through this task so that we can get onto the next one. The heads down thing may be metaphorical, but, particularly at this time of year, it becomes a physical thing as well - as the dark takes over and the weather buffets us, you see people with their shoulders hunched and their heads down against the dark and the cold.

Your posture and your mood are very closely linked - if you nail on a smile, stand tall and look the world right in the eye (as Jim Reeves once said) you will start to feel better; if you hunch over, don't make eye contact and act depressed, you can very quickly make yourself feel that way - and I wonder whether the fact that many of us feel down in the winter has as much to do with the way we hold ourselves as it does to a lack of sunlight.

During one of my bouts of depression, someone once suggested to me that, at the end of each day, I should try recalling three things that had made me feel happy during that day. They didn't have to be big things and, in the midst of a bout of serious depression, "happy" might have been too strong a word to use, but recalling three good things each day was suggested as a useful tool to help me to start noticing the positives in my life. If I went a stage further and wrote them down, I'd also have something to look back on during the really bad times, to remind me that there were still some lights in the darkness.

At first it was almost impossible, but after a while I got into the rhythm and understood what they'd meant by "happy". Some examples from that time (written during a holiday in Finland) include:

the utter peacefulness of being in a rowing boat alone in the middle of a lake
a picture my son drew for me
a phone call from my daughter
birthday presents chosen with love and care
a deer appearing through the trees and standing very still to observe us, before disappearing again
watching the Naked Gun and enjoying my son's enjoyment of it
coffee and cake with my husband in a cafe in Helsinki

None of these are big things, but they were points of light in a difficult time, and the memory of them still makes me feel warm and happy some years afterwards.

As often happens, when the immediate danger passes it can be all too easy to let your guard down, so once I was well again I stopped deliberately taking notice of what was making me happy, and if I did notice I didn't bother to write them down.

But this week a funny thing has happened. I'm feeling SO happy I wanted to record it in some way, and to share it with people because I don't think we do enough of that. Maybe it's something to do with being British - we tend to bond over shared complaints about the weather, or poor service in shops, or how late the bus is, but we don't tend to talk very much about the things we're enjoying - and one of the things I've noticed is that, when I try, people look at me as if I'm a bit odd...maybe I am a bit odd....but wouldn't the world be a nicer place if we were more willing to invite people to share in our everyday happinesses as well as our everyday disappointments? Or even instead of?

Which is why I've started Tweeting about my happies and why I'd like people to join in. I'm going to bust a gut to record my 3 #happies every day, and to encourage others to do the same - if this takes off, and #happies makes it into the top 10 memes, we'd be in a situation where thousands of people were all thinking happy thoughts every day, sharing them, and enjoying other people's happy thoughts too - and if that's not a recipe for World Peace I don't know what is!

So join in, tell all your friends, and see how long it is before all the world is sharing #happies...

On Being Brave Enough To Be Truly Yourself

2009-10-28T16:17:00.007Z

Can you be truly happy and fulfilled if you're always trying to pretend to be someone or something you're not?

And what's the worst that could happen if you decided to let the world see the real you?

Two conversations this week with different people have led me to want to talk about this subject, which is very dear to my heart as it's the underlying basis that Colourful Coaching is built around - that the world would be a better place if we all felt at peace with our true selves and could concentrate on using and developing our natural talents and gifts, rather than wasting energy trying to be something we're not.

I well remember the sheer misery of being a teenager and feeling like I was an alien - wherever I was and whoever I was with, I felt awkward and uncomfortable, constantly afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.

I felt as if I was the wrong size and shape, wore the wrong clothes, liked the wrong music, enjoyed the wrong passtimes and was just generally wrong. Part of the reason I enjoy Harry Enfield's creation Kevin the Teenager is that I remember alarmingly well how it felt to believe that the entire world was against me and no-one understood me - Kevin's eternal cry of "It's so unfair" is a very useful shorthand for all of those miserable feelings.

As we get older, it tends to be the case that we become more comfortable in our own skin and less concerned with what the rest of the world thinks of us. But that doesn't make it any easier to let the world see our true colours. All sorts of things can lead us to believe that we need to behave in a certain way, and we end up living a life that makes us feel dissatisfied or unhappy in some way.

"I really want to do something creative but that's a childish idea"
"I hate my job but it's unrealistic to expect to enjoy what you do for a living"
"My parents will be really angry if I don't do what they want me to do, even though I hate the idea"
"I have to earn at least £80k to be a success but I really want to work with vulnerable people and that doesn't pay"
"Living my life this way makes me depressed, but it's what my wife/husband expects of me so I have no choice"
"What my job requires of me feels totally unethical and goes against my personal values but I'm trapped here"

These are all variations of things clients have said to me, or that I have said to myself over the years, and they are all examples of the tension that arises when we try to be something we're not.

Living your life to fulfil someone elses's expectations is a sure route to unhappiness because you're always going to be at war within yourself.

Living your life to match up to assumptions you've made about how life should be lived, rather than living the kind of life that will fulfil you, will inevitably kill your spirit.

There are so many people out there who appear to have it all but are actually living dull, grey lives - people who appear to have the perfect job/house/marriage/bank account/figure/kids but plod through their days feeling somehow let down or frustrated by life.

Are you one of those people?

Ask yourself these 3 questions:

How do I feel at the prospect of another 20 years of living as I do today?

If I knew I was brave enough, what would I change about my life?

What does the Real Me want to do with my life?

You know already whether or not you're living a life that serves your values and allows your real self to thrive. If you are, make sure you take the time to appreciate the fact, and to appreciate that you are fortunate enough to have people around you to support you, as I do.

If you're not, maybe it's time to start thinking about taking your first steps towards getting back in touch with the real you, so that you can reveal your true colours to the world in all their glory and start to achieve your true potential.

Think what an amazing world we would be living in if everyone did the same...

Noticing

2009-10-22T20:04:00.005+01:00

I have a bartering arrangement going with one of my clients - I get a one hour one-to-one yoga lesson in return for a one hour coaching session. Fair exchange is no robbery, and I'm more than happy to be receiving payment in kind instead of money (and if there are any massage therapists in and around Cheltenham who'd like some coaching in exchange for giving me a massage, please get in touch!)

I'm new to yoga - it's something I've been thinking about for a while and the right time seems to have arrived. During this week's session I became aware that there are some really strong links between the practices of yoga and coaching, and the one I want to talk about here is noticing.

We start each yoga lesson with my yoga teacher reminding me how to stand correctly. He does this starting from the toes up, and as he encourages me to get my body into alignment, he constantly tells me to notice things - notice how your feet are on the floor - notice where your weight is, is it even or is it to one side - notice whether your core is strong - notice how your head is held on your neck - notice whether there is tension in your shoulders. The more notice I take of my body, and how I'm inhabiting it, the more I become aware of when I'm not holding myself correctly. And the more I try to hold myself correctly, the more I become aware that, when I can get myself into something resembling the correct posture, the more it seems like my body is holding me, rather than the other way around. I know it will be a long slow process to get it right and keep it right because I've got a lot of years of bad posture to undo, but I can already understand the difference it will make to me if I keep on noticing.

Noticing is also key for me as a coach and in terms of my own personal development. As a coach, I spend my time focussing on my client, listening to what they do and don't say, and doing my best to take notice of the story behind the words. It's my job to then tell my client what I notice about what they've said, so that they can see things from another perspective. I think of it as being like a tour guide - I have the torch and I can shine lights into the corners of the clients mind so that they can get a clearer view of what's there.

When you listen to someone with you whole attention, and then repeat back to them what you heard, and what you noticed about what you heard, it can often sound to the client as if you've revealed a profound truth to them, but one so obvious that they can't believe they hadn't thought of it for themselves. Often a client will thank me for, in their words, making a really good suggestion. In reality, what I've done is to illuminate thoughts they've already had but not looked at closely enough to make sense of. In noticing those ideas and bringing them to my client's notice, I've ensured that the client can make full use of them.

Learning to notice what's going on in my own thinking has been just as useful and anyone can learn to do it. We all have an internal dialogue going on - and if someone inside your head is saying "what's she talking about? I haven't got an internal dialogue" - then I'm here to tell you that that was it, denying it's own existence! More often than not, we let that little voice chunter away all day every day. We probably think we don't take much notice of it, but actually it can form the basis of a lot of our actions, and colour our opinions on many things. When we jump to conclusions or make assumptions about things, it can often be because our internal dialogue has led us there. Becoming consciously aware of what's happening in that dialogue, and noticing the effect it's having on everything from our mood to our behaviour, is a really good way of starting to examine patterns of unhelpful behaviour in ourselves and in others and it's a crucial first step in learning to coach yourself.

A Leap of Faith

2009-10-14T20:18:00.005+01:00

Well, what a week it's been. On October 9th I launched my company, Colourful Coaching Ltd, with a "cupcakes and fizz" party, and on the following Wednesday I resigned from 25 years of employment in the Civil Service. Six months ago that was an unthinkable action, but on Wednesday I was on a real high, and that feeling hasn't gone away - somehow, I know that this was indisputably the right decision - I feel as though a huge weight has lifted from my shoulders and my lovely husband says that I look like a new woman.

It's been an amazing 18 months, and I've learned an astonishing amount about myself and what I'm capable of in that time. In the summer of 2008 I went on a course at the Leadership Trust I found there that I was capable of facing my fears and the feeling of elation when I succeeded was overwhelming. At the end of the course, one of the other participants gave me the gift of some feedback that has stayed with me ever since: he said to me that I was currently operating well within my comfort zone, and that he thought that I had far greater potential than I realised.

Then this year, I finally realised a long-held ambition to achieve a coaching qualification. I came across coaching about 5 years ago and realised I had some natural talent. I've been using coaching techniques in my work since then, whilst reading up on the subject and practicing on friends and family, but the 5 months I spent under the tutelage of Philip Brew and Colin Brett from Coaching Development were literally life-changing. Thanks to their masterful coaching and the love and support of a remarkable bunch of fellow trainees, I have found what I believe to be the reason why I was put on the planet. A key part of learning to be a coach is receiving coaching yourself, and the coaching I had has enabled me to understand that scary things can also be good for you; that I had, actually, already taken the decision to leave the Civil Service, I just hadn't been ready to admit it to myself; and that I posess skills, qualities and an approach to life that other people find inspirational.

I truly believe that EVERYONE has far more potential than they realise, and that most of us never get the chance to realise it. So Colourful Coaching Ltd exists to try to give as many people as possible that chance. In this blog I'll be talking about my experiences as I go it alone in business, and what I learn along the way. Whenever I come across a book or a film or a web page that speaks to me, I'll post it hear. I may well end up writing for myself, but that will be a valuable excercise in itself.

To finish today, here's a quote from Goethe that a very dear friend sent me when I told him I'd resigned:

"The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favour all manner of unseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way."